Quote
PeterB
Restaurant, but not a super-formal one. No physical activity, at least so far as I'm aware.

Yes, comfort is important... the thing that always kills me is the shoes. I know women always pay attention to shoes, but I have yet to find a pair of dress shoes that I really find comfortable. Attractive, yes, but not comfortable.

Quote
Ken Sp.

Quote
PeterB
Restaurant, but not a super-formal one. No physical activity, at least so far as I'm aware.

Yes, comfort is important... the thing that always kills me is the shoes. I know women always pay attention to shoes, but I have yet to find a pair of dress shoes that I really find comfortable. Attractive, yes, but not comfortable.

This was me until I found some reasonably priced WIDE dress shoes. I still would rather be in running shoes, but when I have to wear dress shoes--I can put up with it. This socks also helped.

Quote
PeterB

Quote
Ken Sp.

Quote
PeterB
Restaurant, but not a super-formal one. No physical activity, at least so far as I'm aware.

Yes, comfort is important... the thing that always kills me is the shoes. I know women always pay attention to shoes, but I have yet to find a pair of dress shoes that I really find comfortable. Attractive, yes, but not comfortable.

This was me until I found some reasonably priced WIDE dress shoes. I still would rather be in running shoes, but when I have to wear dress shoes--I can put up with it. This socks also helped.

Yep, I may have to invest in the wides. They're just harder to find in styles that I like.

dmann is correct, the restaurant type does dictate... I think we're talking al fresco here, but it depends on where we end up. This being MD, there aren't that many places open, and those that are, don't seem to be taking reservations... so we may have a good wait ahead of us. She is choosing the restaurant, so not worries there.

Edit-- a quick read suggests: plain color shirt (blue), sports jacket, nice jeans (indigo or black), dress shoes. To me that sounds a little overdressed, but probably better over- than under-.

Quote
Janit

Quote
PeterB

Quote
Ken Sp.

Quote
PeterB
Restaurant, but not a super-formal one. No physical activity, at least so far as I'm aware.

Yes, comfort is important... the thing that always kills me is the shoes. I know women always pay attention to shoes, but I have yet to find a pair of dress shoes that I really find comfortable. Attractive, yes, but not comfortable.

This was me until I found some reasonably priced WIDE dress shoes. I still would rather be in running shoes, but when I have to wear dress shoes--I can put up with it. This socks also helped.

Yep, I may have to invest in the wides. They're just harder to find in styles that I like.

dmann is correct, the restaurant type does dictate... I think we're talking al fresco here, but it depends on where we end up. This being MD, there aren't that many places open, and those that are, don't seem to be taking reservations... so we may have a good wait ahead of us. She is choosing the restaurant, so not worries there.

Edit-- a quick read suggests: plain color shirt (blue), sports jacket, nice jeans (indigo or black), dress shoes. To me that sounds a little overdressed, but probably better over- than under-.

Sounds like "academic need-to-look-nice-for-a-restaurant casual" to me, and not overdressed at all. The jeans mitigate the formality of wearing a jacket. Khakis or other non-jeans pants would take it up a notch.

Quote
dmann
The attire should really be dictated by the type of restaurant. If you are going someplace upscale, a jacket is expected, if not required.

Personally, I prefer something more casual for a first date. A collared shirt (button down or polo) with jeans or slacks sounds about right. In the fall or winter months, a nice sport coat can finish off the look, but obviously that is a seasonal thing.

BTW, please let the girl know the type of place you have in mind if you are selecting the restaurant. Some of us freak out about what to wear and not knowing if the place is casual or not can send us into a tailspin.

Have fun!
DM

Quote
Thrift Store Scott

Quote
dmann
The attire should really be dictated by the type of restaurant. If you are going someplace upscale, a jacket is expected, if not required.

Personally, I prefer something more casual for a first date. A collared shirt (button down or polo) with jeans or slacks sounds about right. In the fall or winter months, a nice sport coat can finish off the look, but obviously that is a seasonal thing.

BTW, please let the girl know the type of place you have in mind if you are selecting the restaurant. Some of us freak out about what to wear and not knowing if the place is casual or not can send us into a tailspin.

Have fun!
DM

I can't imagine you getting better advice on this than what Ms. Mann has just offered. I would only add that it's a good idea to try to dress within the range of how you'd normally dress- don't go wild and overdo things while trying to "impress" your date. Remember, the lady in question has already found you attractive enough to agree to a date so there is no need to plumb the depths of your closet looking for an over-the-top "date costume".

As an example, years ago I was asked out by a guy who was quite attractive wearing normal jeans and a button-down shirt, only to have him show up for the date (dinner at a local chain Mexican restaurant) wearing toreador pants and a shirt cut similar to Jerry Seinfeld's "pirate shirt" except that it was woven of a fiber of approximately the same color and with the same inner luminous quality as Stren fishing line, which led me to ask the question "Was he high when I met him, or is he high now?". Needless to say, there was no second date.

Quote
PeterB
Well the overdressed part to me is that it'd be slightly weird to wear a jacket to a casual restaurant; and dress shoes with jeans, rather than slacks-- but as some sources point out, you can always take off the jacket. These same sources greatly warn against khakis, which is good, because I can't stand khaki's.

Quote
space-time
I think single people should refrain from giving him advice.

Quote
dmann
A collared shirt (button down or polo) with jeans or slacks sounds about right.
DM

Quote
Thrift Store Scott

As an example, years ago I was asked out by a guy who was quite attractive wearing normal jeans and a button-down shirt, only to have him show up for the date (dinner at a local chain Mexican restaurant) wearing toreador pants and a shirt cut similar to Jerry Seinfeld's "pirate shirt" except that it was woven of a fiber of approximately the same color and with the same inner luminous quality as Stren fishing line, which led me to ask the question "Was he high when I met him, or is he high now?". Needless to say, there was no second date.

Quote
PeterB
Janit-- no, I wouldn't make that silly mistake. I'm out of practice, not mentally challenged. Khaki's-- apparently they're considered overly used at this point? I read the same thing about striped dress shirts, which is a shame, because I do look good in stripes/primary colors/greys/blacks (I look horrible in earth tones, so I'm not a fan of khakis anyway).

And yeah, one could make the point that someone who's been out of the dating scene for >20 years should not be giving advice.

Quote
Janit

Quote
PeterB
Janit-- no, I wouldn't make that silly mistake. I'm out of practice, not mentally challenged. Khaki's-- apparently they're considered overly used at this point? I read the same thing about striped dress shirts, which is a shame, because I do look good in stripes/primary colors/greys/blacks (I look horrible in earth tones, so I'm not a fan of khakis anyway).

And yeah, one could make the point that someone who's been out of the dating scene for >20 years should not be giving advice.

I wouldn't necessarily count out the striped shirts if they look really good on you, especially if they look better on you than a blue shirt. You might consider wearing a striped shirt that is on the understated end of the range.

There is a difference between fashion and style. If you wear something that is out-of-fashion and which also looks BAD on you, then you will seem behind-the-times. If you wear something that is out-of-fashion but which looks GOOD on you, then you are showing that you have a sense of personal style that transcends fad and fashion.

I only say this because I do it myself -- I often have strong opinions about current fashions. I pick and keep what I like and ignore the rest.

Hope I haven't just sent you into a tailspin of anxiety and despair

Quote
Mac-A-Matic
This is gonna be a bit off from everyone else, but I've been in the field for quite some time.

First off, if this is a first date - why are you going to a restaurant? Don't go there. Take her someplace where you can actually do some sort of activity and engage in conversation while doing something. Most restaurant conversations remain in the boring category - tell me about yourself, your family, your likes, your dislikes, blah, blah, blah.

Do something different. Do something quirky. Be yourself - unless you're an a-hole.

More importantly, do something that you don't have to pay. Paying for a lavish meal and drinks and the nine right off the bat is the best way to label yourself a rube. Be confident. Be funny. Don't be arrogant. Be interesting. Demonstrate you have wide interests and can handle yourself.

And don't go off telling her how much you like her! Let that take time to fester in her curious mind.

Quote
PeterB
No, not at all, and I quite agree with you about personal style-- I think I'm in that category, what looks good on me is not current, and yet it is distinctively me.

Quote
Mac-A-Matic

And don't go off telling her how much you like her! Let that take time to fester in her curious mind.

Quote
dmann
Oh- just saw that she asked you out!!! Just my own take on this- if I ask a guy out, I expect to pay for the evening. It is nice if he reaches for the check or offers to cover the tip, but not expected at all.

FWIW- it could be the perfect opportunity for you to say "Next time is on me" if she picks up the tab and you decide you want to see her again.

DM

Quote
PeterB

Quote
dmann
Oh- just saw that she asked you out!!! Just my own take on this- if I ask a guy out, I expect to pay for the evening. It is nice if he reaches for the check or offers to cover the tip, but not expected at all.

FWIW- it could be the perfect opportunity for you to say "Next time is on me" if she picks up the tab and you decide you want to see her again.

DM

dmann, I fully expect to pay, despite her doing the asking, but with the return catch of, "you can take care of it on our next date". Slick, eh? LOL

Quote
Mike Johnson
If I show up at the dock with a fishing pole in hand, I'm gonna talk to the guy who's caught some fish, not the dude with the empty gunny sack.

Quote
PeterB
And yeah, one could make the point that someone who's been out of the dating scene for >20 years should not be giving advice.

Quote
Buzz
It doesn't matter what you wear... just be sure to cover up that hideous scar on your thumb, until after dinner. Chicks dig scars, and that one on your thumb may just give you super powers with women; so protect yourself at least until you've had a good meal...


///

Quote
rjmacs
Scott, is that why you never called? I just thought i was being festive.... Gimme another chance!!

Quote
Thrift Store Scott

Quote
rjmacs
Scott, is that why you never called? I just thought i was being festive.... Gimme another chance!!

Hey, I'm all for being "festive", but (and this relates to Janit's comments about personal style) the aforementioned ensemble on my one-time date made him bear a striking resemblance to Carlos "The Barracuda" Del Gado in the "Voyage of the Damned" episode of Frasier.

On the other hand, one of the best looking guys I've ever seen in my entire life was wearing almost exactly the same outfit with the differences being that 1) the shirt was made of silk, not fishing line, 2) the ensemble flattered his most attractive qualities rather highlighting his least attractive ones, and 3) he was wearing this outfit after midnight in a downtown nightclub, not at 5pm at a strip mall in the suburbs.

Quote
Mike Johnson
If I show up at the dock with a fishing pole in hand

Quote
PeterB
Actually she asked me out, so I let her set the tone for everything... that's why we're doing what we're doing. I can always plan our second date.