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It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Grateful11
Date: July 21, 2016 07:53AM
Five years ago today we laid our youngest son to rest. This has been the most difficult period of
my life. It has gotten a little easier with time but he's still always in the back of my mind. Thankfully
we have finally gotten to the point where we can talk about him and laugh to a degree but it's
usually followed by tears but sometimes tears of joy and not just sorrow. Many of his friends
still visit with us on a regular basis, which is especially good for his brother. Last night was especially
rough as one of Jesse's friends is leaving with his wife and newborn for Louisville so his wife
can pursue her Masters degree. They have been a great comfort to us over the years. Thankfully
Jesse's best friend survived two tours of duty in Afghanistan and is now in the Army reserves and
attending college where Jesse went and he and his wife are living less then a half mile from us.
I wish so could say we got the same support from our friends but we didn't. We actually confronted
one couple and asked them what happened and they told that they were afraid to be around us that
they might say the wrong thing or not know what to say. We asked that they treat us like before and
and they did to a degree but we understand that people don't know what to say as since he passed
away we've lost close friends also and many times the right words are just plain hard to come by.

Anyway thanks for listening.



Grateful11




Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/21/2016 09:55AM by Grateful11.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: jardster
Date: July 21, 2016 08:01AM
Thanks for sharing. Keeping you in my thoughts.



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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: what4
Date: July 21, 2016 08:04AM
I suspect that the rest of us on this forum are fumbling to find some way to express our caring and support and profound sadness. There are no strangers to sorrow. Knowing that nothing could ever be enough, we reach out our hearts and hands to you.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: DP
Date: July 21, 2016 08:23AM
You were thrown one of life's worst curveballs and we understand how nearly unbearable it can be. You won't lose any friends here over it...





Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: ka jowct
Date: July 21, 2016 08:24AM
Quote
what4
I suspect that the rest of us on this forum are fumbling to find some way to express our caring and support and profound sadness. There are no strangers to sorrow. Knowing that nothing could ever be enough, we reach out our hearts and hands to you.

Yes. It's difficult to find anything to say, because there is probably no right thing. I suspect that everyone here knows what it's like to lose a family member or partner. But most of us haven't had to deal with the loss of a child.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Pam
Date: July 21, 2016 08:28AM
All I can think of to say is sad smiley
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: rjmacs
Date: July 21, 2016 08:33AM
Sending you lots of love and caring on this rotten anniversary. I can't imagine your pain, but remember that you are loved and that you always have a caring place here.



rj
AKA
Vreemac, Moth of the Future
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Sam3
Date: July 21, 2016 08:46AM
Quote
rjmacs
Sending you lots of love and caring on this rotten anniversary. I can't imagine your pain, but remember that you are loved and that you always have a caring place here.

Agreed, we are here for you. I think about you and your loss every time that I see a post from you.

Hugs.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: decay
Date: July 21, 2016 09:05AM
Sharing your experiences, with real words and feelings, has helped me think about others who have lost loved ones, especially children. And it reminds me not to take for granted the lives we care for.

So, thank you.



---
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: billb
Date: July 21, 2016 09:06AM
Having gone through the same 28 years ago the transition from melancholy anniversary becomes much less somber with time. Pangs of loss become replaced cherished memories. You get there.



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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: robfilms
Date: July 21, 2016 09:38AM
grateful11-

i remember that day and the outpouring of emotions posted on the forum.

you are brave to be open to memory and the associated emotions which attach.

may your son's many good deeds continue to bring some form of solace to you, your wife, your family and friends.

i'll be thinking of you today.

be well.

rob
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: A-Polly
Date: July 21, 2016 09:46AM
sad smiley Wow, how can it have been five years already? Seems like just a few months ago, and I think of your Jesse whenever you post. As mentioned already, there is no right thing to say, but I wish peace and treasured memories for you and yours.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Janit
Date: July 21, 2016 09:49AM
Quote
Grateful11
Five years ago today we laid our youngest son down to rest. This has been the most difficult period of
my life. It has gotten a little easier with time but he's still always in the back of my mind. Thankfully
we have finally gotten to the point where we can talk about him and laugh to a degree but it's
usually followed by tears but sometimes tears of joy and not just sorrow. Many of his friends
still visit with us on a regular basis, which is especially good for his brother. Last night was especially
rough as one of Jesse's friends is leaving with his wife and newborn for Louisville so his wife
can pursue her Masters degree. They have been a great comfort to us over the years. Thankfully
Jesse's best friend survived two tours of duty in Afghanistan and is now in the Army reserves and
attending college where Jesse went and he and his wife are living less then a half mile from us.
I wish so could say we got the same support from our friends but we didn't. We actually confronted
one couple and asked them what happened and they told that they were afraid to be around us that
they might say the wrong thing or not know what to say. We asked that they treat us like before and
and they did to a degree but we understand that people don't know what to say as since he passed
away we've lost close friends also and many times the right words are just plain hard to come by.

Anyway thanks for listening.


When there is no right thing to SAY, then the right thing to DO is simply listen.

Sucks that so few people understand how to do this.


All of us are here with you today, and we remember Jesse fondly.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/21/2016 10:09AM by Janit.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: wave rider
Date: July 21, 2016 09:53AM
Thinking of you...



=wr=
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: davec
Date: July 21, 2016 10:31AM
Quote
ka jowct

Yes. It's difficult to find anything to say, because there is probably no right thing. I suspect that everyone here knows what it's like to lose a family member or partner. But most of us haven't had to deal with the loss of a child.

My thoughts exactly. My experience has been that not only is there the struggle to "say the right thing", but there is also the discomfort from the reminder of the fragility our lives, and the lives of our loved ones.

Still, knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less when people run from us, does it?

Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Dave



...on the trailing edge of technology.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: N-OS X-tasy!
Date: July 21, 2016 11:21AM
Wow, it is hard to believe it's been five years. Know that we are with you and know that Jesse continues to live on in the hearts and minds of your family, both here and at home.



It is what it is.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: July 21, 2016 11:32AM
I know lots of people care and like reading what you post even if it's hard to read. Please keep posting.



In tha 360. MRF User Map
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: July 21, 2016 11:51AM
So sorry you and your family are reminded of all the pain and suffering of this sad time. sad smiley

Remember all the good times with your son. I'm sure you had many.



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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: maco
Date: July 21, 2016 12:27PM
Sending good thoughts your way Grateful11. I'm glad that you can talk about Jesse and laugh. The friend thing is tough. I knew to expect it, but it was still hard.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Carnos Jax
Date: July 21, 2016 01:16PM
I can't believe it's been 5 years ago either. Seems like only 'yesterday' (to use the cliche). It'll be 30 years ago this August when my parents lost their youngest as well, so I can say time does help.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: vision63
Date: July 21, 2016 01:22PM
I always wonder how you and others cope with this kind of tragedy.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Speedy
Date: July 21, 2016 01:38PM
Quote
Sam3
I think about you and your loss every time that I see a post from you.

Me, too. Hang in there, my friend.



Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: rgG
Date: July 21, 2016 01:41PM
I cannot imagine the depth of your loss.
It is hard to believe it has already been five years.
I hope that as time passes, the pain eases.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: GeneL
Date: July 21, 2016 02:16PM
Quote
what4
I suspect that the rest of us on this forum are fumbling to find some way to express our caring and support and profound sadness. There are no strangers to sorrow. Knowing that nothing could ever be enough, we reach out our hearts and hands to you.

This was so well said, that I couldn't add anything except to send a "virtual" hug to a forum friend.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Frank
Date: July 21, 2016 02:31PM
Quote
GeneL
Quote
what4
I suspect that the rest of us on this forum are fumbling to find some way to express our caring and support and profound sadness. There are no strangers to sorrow. Knowing that nothing could ever be enough, we reach out our hearts and hands to you.

This was so well said, that I couldn't add anything except to send a "virtual" hug to a forum friend.
Another hug sent your way.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: TheCaber
Date: July 21, 2016 03:05PM
Quote
Frank
Quote
GeneL
Quote
what4
I suspect that the rest of us on this forum are fumbling to find some way to express our caring and support and profound sadness. There are no strangers to sorrow. Knowing that nothing could ever be enough, we reach out our hearts and hands to you.

This was so well said, that I couldn't add anything except to send a "virtual" hug to a forum friend.
Another hug sent your way.
And another.



=TC
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Grateful11
Date: July 21, 2016 09:45PM
I want to thank everyone for the kind words, the virtual hugs, positive thoughts, etc. It's helped me more than you know.

You folks have always been there for me no matter what the need, whether it be emotional or just good old advice. Thanks again!



Grateful11
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: M A V I C
Date: July 21, 2016 10:15PM
It won't come as a surprise to most of you, that when I want to go from point A to point B I take the most efficient path. Now having kids that are 7 and 2, it's stories like Grateful11's that remind me to take it easy and enjoy every moment. So Grateful11, my life and hopefully my family's life is better because of what you've been through and what you've shared.




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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Don C
Date: July 21, 2016 10:25PM
Along with another hug is a thank you for bringing up the issue of how to "deal" with a friend who has suffered such a great loss. This thread is a good learning opportunity for me.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: Michael
Date: July 22, 2016 05:43AM
I am sorry for your loss. It does seem like it hasn't been 5 years. I hope the good memories of Jesse overwhelm the bad memories of his passing.


Quote
Don C
Along with another hug is a thank you for bringing up the issue of how to "deal" with a friend who has suffered such a great loss. This thread is a good learning opportunity for me.

I agree. I've just hired somebody who's teenager died while running a race due to a non-diagnosed heart problem 6 years ago. I've known her casually for years and we've talked about John's (her son) passing in a "I'm sorry for your loss" sense, but now she will be a faculty member so we'll be having far more conversations than we've ever had. I've wondered just what to say as the anniversary of his death approaches. I think I'll just tell her that I'm keeping John, her and the family in my thoughts and prayers and ask how the family is doing through the anniversary.
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Re: It's hard to believe it's been 5 years :-(
Posted by: vision63
Date: July 22, 2016 10:10AM
Quote
M A V I C
It won't come as a surprise to most of you, that when I want to go from point A to point B I take the most efficient path. Now having kids that are 7 and 2, it's stories like Grateful11's that remind me to take it easy and enjoy every moment. So Grateful11, my life and hopefully my family's life is better because of what you've been through and what you've shared.

I can tell you're a great dad.
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