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Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: January 12, 2018 10:06AM











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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: tronnei
Date: January 12, 2018 10:24AM
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A set of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you ? '

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common ?' 'Well, It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms !'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes ? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a Fire in the craft. It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, And were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to Disperse. 'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes She also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, Which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, He suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: archipirata
Date: January 12, 2018 11:05AM
In our town, the mob owns the local flower shops. However, the monks at the local monastery recently decided to start selling the flowers from the monastery gardens to bring in some extra money. The local mob boss decided to send a few of his enforcers over to the monastery to put them out of business. But all of the enforcers returned bloody and beaten and told the boss that the monks were too tough and could not be shut down. The boss then decided to call in Hugh, his most accomplished strong arm. Hugh went to the monastery and did the job, beating up the monks and shutting them down.

So what might you ask is the moral of this story?

"Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars."



Athens, OH



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2018 11:06AM by archipirata.
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: voodoopenguin
Date: January 12, 2018 11:55AM


Paul



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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: billb
Date: January 12, 2018 11:56AM
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.

He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, “Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does”...



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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: GuyGene
Date: January 12, 2018 01:07PM
smiley-laughing001



That old man - he don't think like no old man...
Now I wouldn't want to be within 400 - 500 yards of one of them nuclear bombs when it goes off! WW1 Vet Old Man
"He's pinned under an outcropping of rock. Lucky for him, the rock kept the dirt from burying him alive."
If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport. And I'd be a TSA agent.
A bonified member of The Mystic Knights of The Sea, George P. Stevens, President. Andy Brown, Treasurer, Algonquin J. Calhoun, Legal Consultant.
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: testcase
Date: January 12, 2018 05:16PM
[www.youtube.com]
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: m.paris
Date: January 12, 2018 05:53PM
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who was kept awake at night wondering if there is a Dog?
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: January 12, 2018 06:11PM




"After a time, you may find, that having is not so pleasing a thing after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."

- Mr. Spock



“There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well.”

- Walter Reuther
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: January 12, 2018 06:33PM




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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: GuyGene
Date: January 12, 2018 08:05PM
Fill smiley-laughing001 ROTFL smiley-laughing001



That old man - he don't think like no old man...
Now I wouldn't want to be within 400 - 500 yards of one of them nuclear bombs when it goes off! WW1 Vet Old Man
"He's pinned under an outcropping of rock. Lucky for him, the rock kept the dirt from burying him alive."
If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport. And I'd be a TSA agent.
A bonified member of The Mystic Knights of The Sea, George P. Stevens, President. Andy Brown, Treasurer, Algonquin J. Calhoun, Legal Consultant.
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: DinerDave
Date: January 13, 2018 09:26AM
Quote
Filliam H. Muffman

Did you draw in that penis Fill?

Dave



Welcome to Dave's BBQ!

Many have eaten here....

Few have died
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: January 13, 2018 06:41PM
Nope.



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