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Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: March 09, 2018 11:48AM


Simpsons take on The Oscars?










In tha 360. MRF User Map
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: voodoopenguin
Date: March 09, 2018 12:26PM




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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Acer
Date: March 09, 2018 03:12PM
Back on the farm we had a bull that was not fulfilling his husbandry duties. The vet provided a bottle of huge pink pills. They worked very well; after servicing our cows he jumped the fence and serviced the neighbors' cows as well. Years later, we ran across some of the leftover pills and threw them down the old well. We couldn't get the pump handle to go down for a month after that. I don't know exactly what they were, but I do know they tasted a lot like peppermint.
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: testcase
Date: March 09, 2018 03:19PM
Yesterday, I was at Costco, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

Well, I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.


Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. old fogey smiley
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Grumpyguy
Date: March 09, 2018 03:26PM
I thought this quote was funny:

“The difference between genius and stupidity is: genius has its limits.” Alexandre Dumas



Bryan
______________________________________________________
Mac Mini 2.6 GHz, 16 GB ram High Sierra
MacBook Pro (Early 2008 model) 2.4 GHz, 4 GB ram, 200 GB hard drive/ Mac OS 10.9.1 and XP SP3
iPhone 7 iOS 11
Location: Cincinnati
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: jdc
Date: March 09, 2018 03:37PM
Quote
testcase
Yesterday, I was at Costco, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, I had an elephant?

LOL, oldy but a goody.

Its a "here's your sign" moment. [www.youtube.com]



----


Edited 999 time(s). Last edit at 12:08PM by jdc.
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: nwyaker
Date: March 09, 2018 03:53PM
Quote
testcase
Yesterday, I was at Costco, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

Well, I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.


Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. old fogey smiley


smiley-laughing001 goodone
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: March 09, 2018 05:07PM




Mr. Lahey: A lot of people, don’t know how to drink. They drink against the grain of the liquor. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor? You lose.

Randy: What the @#$%& are you talking about?
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: March 09, 2018 07:20PM




In tha 360. MRF User Map
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: max
Date: March 09, 2018 09:41PM
Quote
testcase
Yesterday, I was at Costco, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

Well, I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.


Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. old fogey smiley

Thank you....
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: max
Date: March 10, 2018 11:11AM
Quote
testcase
Yesterday, I was at Costco, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, I had an elephant?....
There is a pattern,
a friend of mine,an ex top attorney for IRS, wrote "I was checking out of Wal-Mart, getting some bird seed for my bird-loving-Mom.
The woman behind me asked if I liked birds.
I told her, "Not much, but my cats do."
Her facial expression was priceless.
I'm probably lucky I wasn't maced."....
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