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Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: June 29, 2018 07:45AM












Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 08:54AM by pRICE cUBE.
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: testcase
Date: June 29, 2018 08:09AM
I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

eye rolling smiley
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: lost in space
Date: June 29, 2018 09:48AM
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

Steven Wright



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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: billb
Date: June 29, 2018 10:06AM






The Phorum Wall keeps us safe from illegal characters and words
The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is the knowledge of one's own ignorance. -Benjamin Franklin
BOYCOTT YOPLAIT [www.noyoplait.com]
[soundcloud.com]
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: voodoopenguin
Date: June 29, 2018 10:28AM
A man walks into a pub in Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers.
He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left returns and taps the elderly Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" he asks.
"Yes" says the Texan and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman starts on the pint glasses, drinking them all one after the other.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. He gives the man the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."



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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: June 29, 2018 11:37AM




"After a time, you may find, that having is not so pleasing a thing after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."

- Mr. Spock



“There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well.”

- Walter Reuther
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: voodoopenguin
Date: June 29, 2018 11:41AM
I went to the park this morning to play frisbee with my dog. He was useless. I think I need a flatter dog.



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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: June 29, 2018 12:07PM
My cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.


Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.


I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.


A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”


Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date, today I asked her to marry me.
She said no, on both occasions.



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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: surfer33
Date: June 29, 2018 12:14PM
Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man
who does.
-------------------------------------------------------------


Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
------------------------------------------------------------

The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often
among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy
opponent.
------------------------------------------------------------

An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an
Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
---------------------------- ---------------------------------

Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.
-------------------------------------------------------------

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out
and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
-------------------------------------------------------------

Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
-------------------------------------------------------------

Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in
the vase on the mantle piece?"
"No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
-------------------------------------------------------------

Q What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
------------- ------------------------------------------------

Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up til two o'clock
in the morning. I can't break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.
-------------------------------------------------------------

Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said.
"Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
-------------------------------------------------------------

"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve
your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
-------------------------------------------------------------

My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your
sex life, and then having people come in once a week to tell you the
details and highlights of theirs?
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: artie67
Date: June 29, 2018 02:22PM
Quote
Rick-o

Rick-o, I get a chuckle from that cartoon hanging on the shop cork board. Same picture except the caption is "REALITY TV". It has the cartoonist name which I can't decipher. Thanks for posting.
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: pdq
Date: June 29, 2018 02:35PM
Quote
surfer33
Definition of an Irish husband:
etc

goodone

Good ones.
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: DeusxMac
Date: June 29, 2018 04:47PM
Quote
pRICE cUBE
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.

[www.youtube.com]
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Re: Friday Funnies: Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: June 29, 2018 05:38PM
Quote
artie67
Quote
Rick-o

Rick-o, I get a chuckle from that cartoon hanging on the shop cork board. Same picture except the caption is "REALITY TV". It has the cartoonist name which I can't decipher. Thanks for posting.

Heh! I think REALITY TV is a much better caption! thumbs up



"After a time, you may find, that having is not so pleasing a thing after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."

- Mr. Spock



“There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well.”

- Walter Reuther
Options:  Reply • Quote
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