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Hubby in hospital
Posted by: abevilac
Date: March 14, 2019 09:19PM
My 67 yo husband went into the hospital last Thursday for a DaVinci laparoscopic surgery for prostate cancer. He chose that type of surgery over the open belly sort because his doctor gushed over how much better it is and how the recovery time is shorter and and...
He should have been discharged the next day Friday but because he hadn’t passed gas he had to stay in. Saturday he was in great pain and his stomach was a bit bloated. Being the weekend not much happened but overnight he developed a 102 fever so they started antibiotics. On Monday they had to do two CT scans before they found that he had ruptured some part of his lower GI system and needed emergency surgery. It turns out he had ruptured his rectum and it was repaired successfully and he now has a temporary ostomy bag. He may also have a “leak” in his urethra which may require some other tubes until that heals. We had expected a catheter but not all this other stuff.
He’s not out of the woods in terms of infection from all the “@#$%&” that was in his belly over the weekend and that has me really scared.
Does anyone have any similar experience to guide me in any way? I’m getting overwhelmed.

Ann
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: mstudio
Date: March 14, 2019 09:31PM
So sorry to hear this. I've had to sit in a hospital waiting room way too many times not knowing what was going to happen next. All I can say is that you need to put your trust in the doctors and the other people in charge. Try to stay positive and think about getting your husband well again. Insist on being informed of everything that is going on with their care for him. Above all, stay strong, you will both get through this and you'll be back home together again.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: rjmacs
Date: March 14, 2019 09:33PM
I don't have any practical experience to share with this medical issue, Ann, but you're in my thoughts as you deal with this crap. It sucks to have complications with any surgery, but I'm glad that they are treating the infection now and are monitoring him closely. Remember that the body is incredibly resilient, and lots fo stuff that seems daunting at first is manageable, even if unfamiliar and scary. Sending warm and healing thoughts your way!!



rj
AKA
Vreemac, Moth of the Future
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: March 14, 2019 09:39PM
Positive vibes to you and your husband.



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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: mattkime
Date: March 14, 2019 09:41PM
All that I can say is that I've heard of similar things happening and while its a roller coaster of fear I believe the odds are heavily in his favor.

Don't forget to take care of yourself in this difficult time.



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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: testcase
Date: March 14, 2019 09:49PM
Sorry your husband is having health issues.


I guess a take away would be to have surgery earlier in the week so that, if complications arise, the full staff will be there to attend as needed.


I hope your husband feels better soon. angel smiley
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: Speedy
Date: March 14, 2019 09:49PM
Best wishes for a speedy recovery.



Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: Sarcany
Date: March 14, 2019 10:01PM
My mom was sent home from laparoscopic abdominal surgery before she pooped and within a day had developed a nasty fever and swelled so much that her stitches split. Had to call an ambulance to get her back stat. They had to open her up and clean her out, and yeah something was perfed in her lower intestines. Was on a bag for a week as I recall. Antibiotics worked. She got better.

Because doctors don't follow patient-recovery, they all mechanically regurgitate the published average recovery period for the initial surgery if it went flawlessly, which is usually a couple of weeks, but it was months before she was able to walk without great pain in her belly and a year before the scars stopped pulling painfully whenever she stretched a bit.

That was nearly 20 years ago. She got better.

As for the catheter, I don't know why they don't warn more about the risks. They don't have to insert a cath for most procedures and there's high risk for damage from them as well as urinary infections. They could put a safe "Texas" cath on (like a condom) instead, but never do. I am a victim of this brutal practice, both messed up my urethra and perfed my bladder. Peed bloody painful chunks for awhile, but I got better and aside from a different "flow" than I had before, I hardly notice it.

Doctors hate patients and relatives who ask questions and take notes. Ask questions and take lots and lots of notes. Keep a diary if possible. When the surgeon or attending physician disappears and you have questions, demand to speak to whichever physician is on the floor. You have the right to know what's happening.

I know this from experience: Identify every medication that he's supposed to be on and the dosage and frequency. Keep track of his meds because the nurses mindlessly follow what the computer says and if the someone typed in something from a doctor's (messy) handwritten notes then odds are that they've got something wrong. And when I say mindlessly I mean it. I was almost killed by a massive overdose of Tylenol of all things because someone transcribed the doctor's notes incorrectly and the hospital pharmacy never objected.

It seems overwhelming because it legitimately is. There is near to nothing about our healthcare system made for the comfort of the patient or relatives and hospital staff inevitably keeps even the stupidest little things secret if you don't ask or demand to be kept informed. Take as much control as you can as politely as you can. It won't just make you feel better, but will let the staff know that you're not an idiot and they'll be more inclined to keep you informed.

Try to be pleasant with the nurses or aids and be friendly with them. They have tough jobs... but if they have you sitting on your butt waiting for an hour for someone to answer the call-button, it's okay get rude. It's unacceptable, but it's also status quo in many places, especially with night and weekend staff.

If your hospital has been sued enough times, they'll have a patient-advocate office and while they're often not useful for anything other than recommending a counselor or filing paperwork, occasionally you'll luck out and find someone who actually advocates for you. It's worth looking into.







Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/14/2019 10:05PM by Sarcany.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: raz
Date: March 14, 2019 10:27PM
Sorry to hear it When surgery goes wrong, it's nightmare for the patient and his loved ones. Don't get me started on my botched mitral valve repair.

Take care of yourself, and don't be afraid to get a second opinion. Call your trusted family doctor. Any objective observer might help.

Best of luck.



--------------

Embarassing myself on the Internet since 1978.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: rgG
Date: March 14, 2019 10:40PM
So sorry to hear this.
I have sat in the hospital with my hubby for various things, it is never fun.
He seems to always have a 'can't pee after anesthesia' problem, which has caused return trips to the ER and or doctor. It has happened even after he does an initial pee at the hospital. Now he is supposed to stay longer, if he has to ever to have anesthesia, until they are sure he isn't stopped up.
I hope all is resolved very soon.
Positive thoughts for you and him.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: JoeH
Date: March 14, 2019 11:01PM
Some good advice so far. What I would add is if your husband has any problems with the temporary ostomy, see if you can get a session arranged with a nurse who specializes in wound and ostomy care.

I had a temporary ileostomy for 7+ months during treatment for colon cancer 9 years ago. What I found was that most nurses did not have good skills in properly applying and maintenance care of ostomies. Some had downright bad knowledge of caring for patients with ostomies. In this area there was no nurse with certification in that specialty, but they did manage to connect me with a nurse who was in the process of studying for getting that certification to go along with her specialization in diabetic care.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: Grateful11
Date: March 14, 2019 11:13PM
Positive thoughts and prayers coming that way.



Grateful11
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: space-time
Date: March 14, 2019 11:17PM
So sorry to hear this.

Best wishes, and when he comes home, get him to register on the MRF as Mr. abevilac and post some cool stories, OK? We need some new members here, otherwise we could close shop.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: davester
Date: March 14, 2019 11:34PM
Best wishes to both you and hubby, Ann. Hoping for the best.



"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion." (1987) -- Carl Sagan
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: wave rider
Date: March 15, 2019 12:53AM
Hope all goes well Ann. My best wishes for speedy and full recovery.



=wr=
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: Sam3
Date: March 15, 2019 04:29AM
Best wishes to you, Ann, and especially to your husband. Here's hoping for a speedy recovery, especially after all the... stuff... that happened.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: robfilms
Date: March 15, 2019 06:39AM
i am thinking good thoughts.

please stay strong.

try not to succumb to doubt which is how the fear spreads.

just do what you can do each and every day to move your "to-do" list forward.

i'm rooting.

thumbs up.

rob
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: NewtonMP2100
Date: March 15, 2019 07:06AM
.....sorry to hear and best wishes to you both.......



____________________________________________________

I reject your reality and substitute my own!
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: DP
Date: March 15, 2019 07:17AM
My neighbor had the same surgery a few years ago and a hole was poked in his intestine. It took four follow up surgeries to finally fix it. I don't know how it worked like this but he basically had pee going into his intestine! And this was at the Cleveland Clinic! This type of surgery must work better for other men because it's still done but I've never heard of this surgery without some complication.

Best wishes for your husband's quick recovery...





Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: GeneL
Date: March 15, 2019 07:44AM
Boy, oh Boy!
This thread has really scared me. I can appreciate everything that has been posted about the experiences you all have had and the unfortunate outcome for Ann's husband.
It seems that finding the "right" Doctor is a real challenge. You get referrals that come with glowing endorsements and, because you are in "trouble" medically, you have to take what you get, either a procedure or some form of treatment.

And there you are, having followed the advice of your "specialist, " in trouble and not having the knowledge to easily deal with what you are experiencing.

I can relate to all your stories because of my own experiences. It really bothers me that Ann and her husband are faced with so much trauma, which seems due to their doctor's "love affair" with a particular procedure that ended up disastrously.

I, myself, have a difficult challenge right now. I'm on dialysis three days a week due to my kidney's failure from the dye used in the multiple angioplasties that I have undergone. My heart issues and my breathing issues seem to be due to my exposure to second hand smoke, which I was exposed to from the time that I was born. My father was a chain smoker and I remember him always having a cigarette in his hand with a long ash hanging on its end. He died in his mid-50s from heart complications.

So, here I am, with failed kidney, congestive heart failure, COPD and a chronic GI problem that has interrupted my sleep so much that I am at the point of total exhaustion.

Up to now, my doctors have been telling me that I am doing well in each of their specific areas of expertise, but here I am, feeling like I am dying. I could barely make it up the steps to our second story condo when I came home from dialysis yesterday. It wasn't that long ago that I was feeling pretty good physically, but now I am very worried because I am so dramatically impaired. I have been walking like a drunk, so weak and wobbly and the effort of walking a short distance feels like I have run a mile.

I am going to call in to postpone my dialysis session until tomorrow, but I am scheduled for CT scans late this afternoon to see if my pulmonologist can tell where the bloody mucus that I have been coughing up is coming from.

It seems that I am not alone in dealing with some serious medical issues, so my heart goes out to all my friends here, who are facing similar difficulties.

I have been noticing that threads about health problems have been showing up far more frequently lately, which when you consider how long we all have known each other isn't all that surprising.

I look back at the MrSoCal get togethers and how much fun there was in seeing those of you who could make it. You folks have been an important part of my life and I thank you for the caring that you all have shown me and each other.

We are an "unusual" and special bunch, aren't we?

Stay safe, be well and leave the porch light on.

GeneL



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: cyclemax
Date: March 15, 2019 07:58AM
Quote
Sarcany
Doctors hate patients and relatives who ask questions and take notes.

If your Doctor is this way, it's time to find a new doctor. My doctors are very receptive to questions and listen to my input.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: A-Polly
Date: March 15, 2019 08:47AM
So sorry this happened, but hope your husband will recover from all this extra trauma soon. Best wishes to you both!!! smiley-signs003

P.S. He is very fortunate to have you there to advocate for him!
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: mrlynn
Date: March 15, 2019 09:08AM
Quote
DP
My neighbor had the same surgery a few years ago and a hole was poked in his intestine. It took four follow up surgeries to finally fix it. I don't know how it worked like this but he basically had pee going into his intestine! And this was at the Cleveland Clinic! This type of surgery must work better for other men because it's still done but I've never heard of this surgery without some complication.

Best wishes for your husband's quick recovery...

The prostate is right next to the rectum, so it doesn't surprise me that the surgeon could perforate the rectum while trying to cut out part of the prostate. How common it is I don't know, but there is doubtless literature on the subject.

Sarcany's advice to "Ask questions and take lots and lots of notes" is good. As long as you're friendly, the staff will take you seriously if it's clear that you're closely monitoring your husband's condition and taking responsibility to notify them of any problems. The infection is the real worry, and it sounds like they're on top of that.

Best of luck. Keep us informed.

/Mr Lynn



"Hillbilly at Harvard"
Honky-tonk Country and Bluegrass
Founded in 1948 by Pappy Ben Minnich
Saturdays 9am - 1pm Eastern
WHRB-FM, Cambridge, MA
Streaming at [www.WHRB.org]
Be there!

The HAH weblog: [hillbillyatharvard.wordpress.com]

Topical weblog: [walkingcreekworld.wordpress.com]

On the river in Saxonville.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: NewtonMP2100
Date: March 15, 2019 09:25AM
....find it a bit shocking that they say that laparoscopic surgery is "safer' and yet.......there is a chance of preforation and they don't monitor more closely.....



____________________________________________________

I reject your reality and substitute my own!
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: Frank
Date: March 15, 2019 09:49AM
Best wishes for a full and speedy recovery for your husband.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: abevilac
Date: March 15, 2019 11:58AM
Thank you all for your well wishes, support and experiences. All were well received. Today brought some good news and some great news. His final pathology was lowered to Gleason 7 instead of a Gleason 8 from the initial biopsy (lower score is better) and it was Stage 2. He should be cancer free.
The great news is that he’s no longer npo and had some jello and crackers for lunch. He said they were examples of America’s under appreciated culinary gifts. White blood count is a little high but temp is normal so all in all a very good day.

Thanks again.
Ann
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: March 15, 2019 01:26PM
Sorry to hear your Hubby has been doing poorly, but happy he's now doing better. Best wishes to the both of you! thumbs up



"After a time, you may find, that having is not so pleasing a thing after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."

- Mr. Spock



“There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well.”

- Walter Reuther
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: wave rider
Date: March 15, 2019 01:43PM
Good news on the Gleason score!



=wr=
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: decay
Date: March 15, 2019 02:05PM
Thanks for the good news update, Ann.
Best to your husband.

My dad broke his hip from a fall in the home on Wednesday, surgery was scheduled for this morning - waiting for an update...



---
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: pdq
Date: March 15, 2019 02:05PM
This is not a professional opinion, but.

I think the daVinci system, while perhaps a step in the right direction, is heavily promoted. It’s expensive and fancy, and it becomes a selling point for hospitals. But it’s not free of complications. In a previous job, some 10+ years ago now, we saw more positive margins (ie cancer at the surgical margins) when the daVinci was used as opposed to an open prostatectomy.

It’s a tool. It doesn’t do the surgery by itself - there’s still a human controlling it at the other end.
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: GeneL
Date: March 15, 2019 02:18PM
Glad to hear that your husband is doing better, Ann.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: rgG
Date: March 15, 2019 04:16PM
Thanks for the good news update.
I hope it was cherry or raspberry jello and not the green stuff. smiling smiley





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: GeneL
Date: March 15, 2019 04:44PM
Hey decay!
How is your dad doing?
How old is your dad? It seems that falling and breaking a hip is fairly common with folks of a certain age and from what I can tell, it can lead to a serious aftermath.
It's one thing that worries me, based on my recent instability and Mavis' age.
I hope he's okay.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: vision63
Date: March 16, 2019 04:47AM
Get better Hubby's and Dad's and Moms!!!
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: mrlynn
Date: March 16, 2019 01:28PM
Quote
vision63
Get better Hubby's and Dad's and Moms!!!

Where do you find them? emoticon-animal-022

/Mr Lynn
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: TheCaber
Date: March 16, 2019 09:27PM
Ann, I am glad that the hospital staff finally figured out what had happened to your husband. I hope he will recover fully and quickly, and that you both have many years yet to enjoy each other's company. Be well, weller, and wellest all.



=TC
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Re: Hubby in hospital
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: March 17, 2019 08:33AM
Quote
abevilac
Thank you all for your well wishes, support and experiences. All were well received. Today brought some good news and some great news. His final pathology was lowered to Gleason 7 instead of a Gleason 8 from the initial biopsy (lower score is better) and it was Stage 2. He should be cancer free.
The great news is that he’s no longer npo and had some jello and crackers for lunch. He said they were examples of America’s under appreciated culinary gifts. White blood count is a little high but temp is normal so all in all a very good day.

Thanks again.
Ann

Sweet! smiley-music039

And cracking wise on the food while all this is going on. I do believe your hubby is my kinda guy. big grin smiley


Quote
mrlynn
Sarcany's advice to "Ask questions and take lots and lots of notes" is good. As long as you're friendly, the staff will take you seriously if it's clear that you're closely monitoring your husband's condition and taking responsibility to notify them of any problems.

Yeah, a lot of good advice in Sarcany’s post. It’s a tricky, diplomatic dance where, depending on the circumstances, you can be advocating for the patient one moment and the next for the staff.

Hospitals are one of those places where few people are always at their best. So as advocating for the best for your loved one can involve a dance where you’re baring your fangs one moment, playing UN negotiator the next, playing mom or dad soothing a cranky teenager the next, and deploying an iron fist in a velvet glove five minutes later.

On one visit I’ve double teamed my sister by distracting her with a preapproved meatball sub (Yes,really) until her nurse came in and just happened to go over again the importance of them carefully tracking her meds intake (‘somebody’ was insisting I bring her a bottle of Tums).

A little later, after a visit from a doctor who was literally shouting at us about “getting used to the idea she’s going to die soon” (He was a ‘loud talker’ in Seinfeldspeak), I knew just the right staff member to hit up for a solid that guaranteed we never had to deal with him again*.

It’s exhausting for everybody, and a reminder of why you really do need to take care of yourself too, so you can be at your best as much as possible.


*Sparing the world from hearing my jailhouse country hit, “I Throat Punched a Doctor Just to Watch Him Shut Up”.
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