advertisement
Forums

The Forum is sponsored by 
 

AAPL stock: Click Here

You are currently viewing the Tips and Deals forum
It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: blooz
Date: April 08, 2019 12:09AM
A while ago I got to my dance studio for a lesson a little early. The only other person around was someone new, a slender and attractive Asian woman who hadn't been there before. well, I was like a bee to a blossom, you bet—went right to her to make sure she felt welcome.
To make it short—over the next few months we got quite friendly, she learned to trust me as someone who would show her new moves and be patient and be nice to her, and we would always greet with close hugs and happiness at seeing each other. And I entertained thoughts of us being "an item" but knew there was one big problem with that idea. So those thoughts never went any further than enjoying our mutual appreciation.
So one night, at the usual Saturday night dance, I asked her to dance and she asked me to dance, each a couple times. And that was nice but the way it usually was. At one point later in the evening, as I surveyed the crowd trying to decide who I would ask to dance the night club 2-step which was starting, I felt a hand in mine. Hers. She came up and took my hand and said "I am leaving soon and the next dance is a waltz and I want to dance it with you."
Oh boy! I was like "her last dance and she wants to dance it with ME!" Then she said that tho she didn't know the night club 2-step that well she would dance it with me if she could have the waltz too. I was like "honey, you can have as many dances as you damn well please with me."
So we danced the 2-step and she was smiling and I mentioned how nice it was to see her smiling and she said "I am smiling because I am having fun." And when the dance was over I hugged her and told her how well it went and how good she was as a follower, and we stood there holding hands and waiting for the waltz to start.
The waltz started and we danced and she is so slender and light and such a good follower and I didn't feel like I hardly touched the floor at all we were just floating and turning and it was as beautiful a dance as I have ever had.
At the end we didn't even take our arms off each other, we just stood there and said to each other how wonderful it felt, and then we walked off the floor hand in hand— and I was so moved I said something I had no thought of saying, would not have rationally said, but was so moved I had to say—"Susanna, dancing with you is so wonderful, I love you." And she looked me right in the eye and said seriously, "I love you."
Boom! What do you do after that?
we hugged and she put her coat on and left and I was like WTF just happened.
There is one big problem with this scenario. One big catch which interferes with any romantic imaginings—sadly. I was 46 years old when she was born. There is almost a half century between our ages.
I am not exaggerating much here—I do love this person and she has an equal affection for me. But we did have a date shortly after this night and talked about how the beauty of our dancing together was the glue that held our love for each other together. It was the dance that did it. We love dancing together and know we have other lives to live (sadly) without each other.
I have had to come to terms with facing the possibility of violating one of my own moral precepts, that is, not to get involved with someone so much younger than myself that I would leave an inevitable grief for a young person when I passed. Lets face it folks, a 26 year old has a lot more of life to look forward to than a 73 year old. Not to mention the upset to my children if I got involved with someone young enough to be THEIR daughter.
So we see each other and hug and appreciate how well we dance together, and you know, that's okay. That feels good and it feels good enough. I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy more intimacy. I am saying that I'm glad I can have the love I have and the appreciation I have without worrying about whether I want or need anything else.
Oh @#$%&, I may have grown up.



And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.
—Friedrich Nietzsche
Western Massachusetts



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/08/2019 12:17AM by blooz.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: freeradical
Date: April 08, 2019 12:19AM
Mick Jagger has a 2 year old son, and he's older than you...
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: jdc
Date: April 08, 2019 12:48AM
There are many kinds of love.



----


Edited 999 time(s). Last edit at 12:08PM by jdc.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: Drew
Date: April 08, 2019 01:26AM
I'm in my 60s, recently remarried a woman 12 years younger, as my first wife of many years passed away from cancer. Very happily married now. Because of my experience, I seem to run into other guys who have found some fresh romance "later" in life. I do not mean any kind of disrespect to you or her. However, be sure to walk with your eyes open and mind engaged, not just by emotion. I've met a few guys who really regret getting involved with someone quickly as a "rebound" or because they felt so lucky as an "older" person. They ended up getting entangled in a relationship that they wish they had never gotten involved with, because they didn't take time to get to know the other person and understand their motives. I only hope for the best for you.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: NewtonMP2100
Date: April 08, 2019 05:21AM
...love....in the afternoon....



_____________________________________

I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: DP
Date: April 08, 2019 06:25AM
Are you nuts? Go for it!!!

BTW, my wife and I took dancing lessons and we had to perform a routine for two minutes. After looking for all sorts of music to waltz to we decided on.... wait for it.... The Allman Brothers! We had a friend who edited Dreams down to the required time. Yes, the ABs wrote tunes that are waltz's, including Whipping Post!





Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/08/2019 06:31AM by DP.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: cbelt3
Date: April 08, 2019 08:00AM
I have several co-workers who started what I call "Family 2.0" in their 60's with much younger women. If it works, it works.

One other guy made a classic mistake... took an expat assignment to China, did NOT take his wife with him. Took up with a much younger lady in China, divorced his wife of 40 years. Married the Chinese gal. Once she had her US citizenship and got her family over, she divorced his butt. He's got like 25% of his retirement fund left. SUCKER !
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: NewtonMP2100
Date: April 08, 2019 08:10AM
....just take care.....as mentioned in the previous post...there are some unscrupulous people who take advantage of 'older' individuals......either for monetary or citizenship, etc......

.....in the above, older men or more vulnerable....as they tend to be the ones that take up after 'younger women'.......not that older women don't take up with younger men [ perhaps we don't hear about it ]........o.k. to wear your heart on your sleeve.....just keep one eye open......

....after that warning.....good luck and hope it works out well......



_____________________________________

I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: April 08, 2019 08:46AM
A lovely rose, but with its thorns. So much to consider.

Personally, my greatest concern would be if we both were clear on where the story goes if Prince Charming appears. Where on the scales does a potentially long and happy life — children, the gift of countless ‘first times’ together and growing old together, an extended family with no elephant in the room — where does all that land on the scales. Some of those things she’s too young to know the true value of, but that may not matter. The question of “what price love?” almost always comes with questions that can’t fully be answered.

Love never comes without risk, I suppose. Whether as pedestrian as ulterior motives or the mirage of ‘what might have been?’ Good luck, my friend, there’s still magic in the world, perhaps you’ve found a bit.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: maco
Date: April 08, 2019 09:48AM
I'm glad that you are having fun!
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: maco
Date: April 08, 2019 10:33AM
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: testcase
Date: April 08, 2019 11:25AM
Are you going to be any younger tomorrow ?


The heck with what anyone else thinks or feels. Unless you have reason to suspect fraud (ie, she needs a Green Card or, wants an American husband so she can import her family), follow up on what your gut is telling you. Be honest with her about your feelings and, ask her to be honest with hers.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/15/2019 10:51PM by testcase.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: dk62
Date: April 08, 2019 02:12PM
Being very familiar with a similar ongoing experience (but "only" 30 years difference), I would say you are at the second most exciting point in the relationship, where possibilities are unexpected and numerous. The most exciting one is the first few weeks of actually starting the relationship, but it usually goes downhill from there. Your interests, apart from dancing and possibly one or two more, are likely completely different, as are your general views of the world. You will be trying to deceive yourself that this is not the case and forcing yourself to find points of similarities, but the cracks will likely appear relatively fast. Couple this with difficulties finding common friends, be they couples or non-judgmental singles, hiding from kids, always potentially harboring a kernel of doubt about motivation, and the inevitability of the younger partner eventually turning into nursing support. I would advise to stay at the level where you are right now and enjoy it for what it is.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: Speedy
Date: April 08, 2019 04:17PM
Quote
dk62
Being very familiar with a similar ongoing experience (but "only" 30 years difference), I would say you are at the second most exciting point in the relationship, where possibilities are unexpected and numerous. The most exciting one is the first few weeks of actually starting the relationship, but it usually goes downhill from there. Your interests, apart from dancing and possibly one or two more, are likely completely different, as are your general views of the world. You will be trying to deceive yourself that this is not the case and forcing yourself to find points of similarities, but the cracks will likely appear relatively fast. Couple this with difficulties finding common friends, be they couples or non-judgmental singles, hiding from kids, always potentially harboring a kernel of doubt about motivation, and the inevitability of the younger partner eventually turning into nursing support. I would advise to stay at the level where you are right now and enjoy it for what it is.

I agree^

Look for a 65 y.o. or 55 y.o. Trust me, there are plenty of them out there.



Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: rich in distress
Date: April 08, 2019 04:53PM
Quote
blooz
... I'm glad I can have the love I have and the appreciation I have without worrying about whether I want or need anything else.
Oh @#$%&, I may have grown up.

That’s a wise statement. Enjoy!



• back to confinement


Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: space-time
Date: April 08, 2019 05:07PM
Quote
blooz
A while ago I got to my dance studio for a lesson a little early. The only other person around was someone new, a slender and attractive Asian woman ... I was 46 years old when she was born. ... Lets face it folks, a 26 year old has a lot more of life to look forward to than a 73 year old. Not to mention the upset to my children if I got involved with someone young enough to be THEIR daughter.
....


just make sure she is not playing you for a green card. Hell, even if she is, go for it man. Just sign a prenup and have all the fun you want.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: maco
Date: April 08, 2019 07:53PM
Quote
Speedy

I agree^

Look for a 65 y.o. or 55 y.o. Trust me, there are plenty of them out there.

That's for sure! So many of us tech dudes didn't have any "game" when we were younger, or if we did, we didn't realize it. I was widowed at age 56 after being married for 28 years, what an experience this has been. So many people wanting to do introductions, so much interest online and in my travels. There is a huge shortage of eligible men, as compared to the number of women that are looking. Meeting women that want to date has been surprisingly easy, meeting the "right person" that's a different story, thinking that I finally have.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/08/2019 07:56PM by maco.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: blooz
Date: April 08, 2019 09:21PM
Quote
dk62
Being very familiar with a similar ongoing experience (but "only" 30 years difference), I would say you are at the second most exciting point in the relationship, where possibilities are unexpected and numerous. The most exciting one is the first few weeks of actually starting the relationship, but it usually goes downhill from there. Your interests, apart from dancing and possibly one or two more, are likely completely different, as are your general views of the world. You will be trying to deceive yourself that this is not the case and forcing yourself to find points of similarities, but the cracks will likely appear relatively fast. Couple this with difficulties finding common friends, be they couples or non-judgmental singles, hiding from kids, always potentially harboring a kernel of doubt about motivation, and the inevitability of the younger partner eventually turning into nursing support. I would advise to stay at the level where you are right now and enjoy it for what it is.

Oh definitely. This is not going anywhere. It has actually been a while since the night I wrote about, and we are cool about it all. Don't even see her much lately because of her work, and we are happy to see each other—and only at the dances—when it happens.



And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.
—Friedrich Nietzsche
Western Massachusetts
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: It ain't easy getting older—a kind of romantic story
Posted by: JoeM
Date: April 09, 2019 05:34PM
Quote
blooz
Quote
dk62
Being very familiar with a similar ongoing experience (but "only" 30 years difference), I would say you are at the second most exciting point in the relationship, where possibilities are unexpected and numerous. The most exciting one is the first few weeks of actually starting the relationship, but it usually goes downhill from there. Your interests, apart from dancing and possibly one or two more, are likely completely different, as are your general views of the world. You will be trying to deceive yourself that this is not the case and forcing yourself to find points of similarities, but the cracks will likely appear relatively fast. Couple this with difficulties finding common friends, be they couples or non-judgmental singles, hiding from kids, always potentially harboring a kernel of doubt about motivation, and the inevitability of the younger partner eventually turning into nursing support. I would advise to stay at the level where you are right now and enjoy it for what it is.

Oh definitely. This is not going anywhere. It has actually been a while since the night I wrote about, and we are cool about it all. Don't even see her much lately because of her work, and we are happy to see each other—and only at the dances—when it happens.

And that’s perfectly fine. If you take it as it is without putting expectations on either of you, you can enjoy whatever happens, for as long as it happens. We only get into bad situations when we start to put unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others. I hope you both enjoy the experience!



JoeM
Options:  Reply • Quote
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login

Online Users

Guests: 97
Record Number of Users: 186 on February 20, 2020
Record Number of Guests: 2330 on October 25, 2018