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GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: MrNoBody
Date: August 07, 2019 05:20AM
Anyone near him in California or knows the ins & outs of gofundme, etc?
Originally posted in Bezos Sells $2.8 Billion of Amz Stock

Quote
GeneL
Thanks my friends for the kind thoughts.
Unfortunately, today I was dealt what may be the final straw in the tragedy that has become the story of my life.
While I have been away from the condo where I have lived for over twenty years with my sweetheart Mavis, her daughter attacked her with a threat that if she let me come back to live she would prevent Mavis from seeing her daughters (Mavis' granddaughters) and their children (Mavis' great grandchildren). She also threatened that she would keep the rest of the family from assisting Mavis if she needed help.
Mavis is 87, frail in some ways, but sharp as a tack. The problem is that she doesn't have the "emotional" strength to stand up to her daughter. On top of everything else, her daughter recently took Mavis to the hospital to have a to have a pain in her arm diagnosed.
While there, behind Mavis' back the daughter told the doctor that she'd had a panic attack which led to them performing a scan of her brain. Although the scan produced no negative results it does seem as if the daughter is trying to have Mavis declared incompetent and wants to take over her finances.
Based on these attacks, Mavis has locked me out of the condo which she owns outright.
In spite of our still declaring our love for each other, Mavis breaks down in tears when I ask her to stand up to her daughter and let me come home. As much as I want her to do that, I can't handle the tears that come when I suggest that. I don't want to add to her hurt, no matter that I am bleeding inside.
Both Mavis and I are so miserable over this and end up in tears because there doesn't seem to be a solution that Mavis will risk. As I said, she is emotionally fragile, as am I at this point.
I was given an ultimatum today by the management here at the nursing facility. I have to move out by the 12th because that's as far as my insurance will cover.
I went to look at a place that they had found for me that costs $900 a month, which is really too much for me, since I only get $1135 social security. I went to see it and it was really terrible. A tiny room with a beat up twin bed, no closet, just a metal rack "to hang my clothes on." It has two windows facing the street with nothing over them. All in all, the place left me even further depressed, if that was even possible.
My monthly "nut" is roughly $300 not including food. Obviously, I can't afford $900 rent.
I will keep looking for a place that is possibly subsidized, but the waiting lists are years long in most local areas.
Two possible, if not probable, solutions have banged around in my head. One is that over the years I had collected a fair sized quantity of collectables. They could be worth quite a bit, but I don't know how to sell them since I do have a vehicle to take them somewhere. I'm not in physical shape to lug them around, nor do I have a suitable vehicle at this time. This is one area that I could use some assistance from people who consider me a good enough friend to be willing to pitch in somehow to assist me in turning my collectables into cash.
The other thought I had comes from having donated to a forum member's "go fund me" campaign. I wonder if it would be possible to raise money that way to help close the gap on my limited income and what I would need to live in a decent place and to have enough to get a vehicle that would be suitable to load up and go to suitable flea markets. Except for my present diminished physical condition this would be a desirable solution, since I made a living for 18 years at the Orange County Marketplace and I really enjoyed doing that.
Do any of my forum friends have a way to assist me in keeping my head above water?
I fear that I am drowning and I don't see any way to survive in my present state.
As always, thanks for the love and kindness you all have always shown.
GeneL



N39° 39.7234', W075° 33.9788'
...word salad is not a disorder, it is a symptom...

“If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.”
-Albert Einstein

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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mattkime
Date: August 07, 2019 07:47AM
Might help to have an explanation of why the daughter would do this.

He likely has some legal rights to his home of twenty years although that probably wouldn't address the root of the problem. Might help give him some time if Mavis needs an excuse to let him in. But there's a lot here thats not being communicated.







Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2019 07:50AM by mattkime.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Grumpyguy
Date: August 07, 2019 08:57AM
As soon as Gofundme page for him is posted, I'll gladly give and help spread the word.



Bryan
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Speedy
Date: August 07, 2019 09:47AM
Quote
Grumpyguy
As soon as Gofundme page for him is posted, I'll gladly give and help spread the word.

Me, too, but that is not a long term solution. GeneL, check in with your county social services. I suspect that the place where you are staying now can’t legally just turn you out into the street given your age and health issues.



Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 07, 2019 09:58AM
Thank you Mr Nobody for the kindness of moving my story.
I had a hard enough time just writing it.
When I finally did, it took everything I had at the moment.
I'm not sure what clicked for me, but this situation has been festering in my brain for sometime and I just couldn't express it sooner. It is so hurtful.
mattkime, I really don't know exactly what has motivated Mavis' daughter's hatred towards me, but it seems, in the thirty plus years that we have been together there has been an undertone of dislike. I don't want to go into the specifics, since it won't change anything.
As far as my rights, yes, I do have some, but when I mention anything about them it so crushes Mavis that I back off as they would only bring more hurt to the situation.
For now, finding a place that I can afford would be the best solution.
Grumpyguy, I so appreciate your thought. I have felt so overwhelmed until now and haven't had much support in finding a solution.
It was a really big deal, posting my story. If it produces a solution I will be more grateful than I can express.
We here on our forum have produced a much closer relationship with each other than I can imagine finding anywhere else in the world of cyberspace. The love and caring that I have encountered has meant so much to me by allowing me to be a part of this wonderful group of friends.
Thank you all for sharing who you are, over the years.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: August 07, 2019 11:26AM
Saddle up and slap on your Teddy Roosevelt Rough Riders hat Gene, there’s work to be done.
  • Start looking for advocates for both Mavis and yourself. You can start with Adult Protective services. Get in contact, explain what’s going on and see if they can help.
  • Lawyer up, if you can. See if you can find a good elder law attorney to look into things; particularly if you think someone may be trying to victimize Mavis. APS may be able to help with this also. Keep your BS Detector handy, the wretched scum full of villainy live to target us gray hairs. California Elder Law Legal Aid & Pro Bono Services
  • Financial aid. GoFundMe is a good resource, but results can be mixed. For us, the MRF community was a legion of angels, others barely offered good wishes; best not to judge, sometimes the timing just isn’t right. It’s all about relating your situation in a compelling way and getting the word out as far and wide as possible. It’s most effective if you have someone who can shepherd it as time goes on, posting updates, continuing to spread the word through every possible venue, thanking donors, even doing some public relations if they have the skills.
  • Hook up with a social worker and see what benefits are available. You’ve been putting money in the pot all these years, don’t be ashamed to make use of what you’ve contributed to.



    Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2019 12:51PM by Blankity Blank.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Buzz
Date: August 07, 2019 11:30AM
Just post the evil pseudo step-daughter's name, address, phone number, and photo online, and perhaps someone will be able to change her mind in time so that you and Mavis can be successfully reunited....
Optimism prevails here.
==
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: space-time
Date: August 07, 2019 12:00PM
are you two married? would it help if you got married, can the daughter still keep you away? best of luck
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: CJsNvrUrly
Date: August 07, 2019 12:29PM
GeneL - What happened to Precious?




bunny smileyCentral VA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Carnos Jax
Date: August 07, 2019 12:40PM
Ready to help in any way I can.....will keep monitoring this thread to see what solutions present themselves.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: deckeda
Date: August 07, 2019 01:04PM
I like Blankity Blank's suggestions.

I can't make any sense of why Mavis can't bear to be kept from her grandkids instead of her companion, but that does seem to be the case. You must keep talking to her Gene. Discover her fear, don't assume what it is. It must be stated.

The daughter clearly wants something Mavis owns. Cash, property, affection, something that the daughter is willing to withhold her kids in order to secure it.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: August 07, 2019 01:14PM
I am not a lawyer, but... if you are married, you are entitled to be with your wife. Even if you are not married, I bet that CA has some sort of common law marriage rule, that is definitely more fuzzy than the official route.

If you are not on the deed of the condo/place, and not married, I guess that would mean she is within her rights to keep you out, but I would still wonder about the common law marriage "regulations."

There is free legal help through the probate courts, usually a legal aid society or for those with limited incomes. I would just about guarantee that this is the case in any bigger areas in CA.


edit: blankity is already on it!!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2019 01:15PM by mrbigstuff.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: freeradical
Date: August 07, 2019 01:23PM
The problem with "lawyering up", is that it's an escalation, which might make matters worse.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Carnos Jax
Date: August 07, 2019 01:42PM
And considering GeneL’s health, I don’t know how much strength he has to go through all this. But whatever course, I’ll support it.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: MrNoBody
Date: August 07, 2019 02:04PM
from a California law firm...
Does Common Law Marriage Still Exist in California? Yes and No.

Seems the answer is NO.



N39° 39.7234', W075° 33.9788'
...word salad is not a disorder, it is a symptom...

“If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.”
-Albert Einstein

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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: testcase
Date: August 07, 2019 02:15PM
"Might help to have an explanation of why the daughter would do this."


Follow the money. Mavis has it and the daughter wants it. GeneL is an obstacle to the daughter gaining control of momma's cash. Mavis NEEDS legal advice and she should have an iron clad will PROPERLY drawn up, executed and filed. If Mavis can do that, I expect that would take much of the wind out of daughter's sail.

GeneL, I expect that where you are, there is an "Office of Aging" or "Elder Care" (possibly called something else). If you HAVEN'T been in contact with them, you need to do so ASAP! Staff there will have an understanding of what help is available and, to to apply for it. They will also be versed in emergency situations (like yours). Have you contacted your local Legislator's office? If not DO SO! Is there a local "Poverty Law Center"? If so, law students may be able champion your case. The staff where you currently are SHOULD be aware of this resource and, by now, have put you in touch with them. Feces occurs and, said staff might think that you or someone else has already taken care of it. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. START SQUEAKING!

Good luck, do advise us if / when a GoFundMe account is up and running.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: vicrock
Date: August 07, 2019 02:27PM
[www.c4a.info]

California Aging Agency - we have a local chapter here in our small WA town and they do great work - I had dealings with them on behalf of clients when I worked for the Red Cross.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mattkime
Date: August 07, 2019 02:54PM
Quote
testcase
Follow the money. Mavis has it and the daughter wants it.

Its the only thing that makes sense to me.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: bfd
Date: August 07, 2019 03:16PM
[www.211oc.org]

They can help you immediately. It's what they do. They can also help you with your other questions. You can dial 2-1-1 if you don't have access to a computer. 211 is the first place to go.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2019 03:17PM by bfd.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: August 07, 2019 03:41PM
Quote
bfd
[www.211oc.org]

They can help you immediately. It's what they do. They can also help you with your other questions. You can dial 2-1-1 if you don't have access to a computer. 211 is the first place to go.

Looks great. Just to be clear, they can direct Gene to a source/sources even if he’s not in Orange County, correct?
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: rgG
Date: August 07, 2019 03:50PM
If Mavis’s granddaughters have children of their own, meaning they are adults, how is it that the daughter can prevent them from seeing Mavis?
There are no doubt a lot of things going on here, and some great advice being given. An impartial third party definitely needs to be brought in to sort this out.
I hope Gene is able to get in contact with some of the resources mentioned here and that a resolution is able to be reached.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: August 07, 2019 04:00PM
One step at a time. One conversation at a time. You don’t have to be Superman, doing everything at once.

Dana Point, California Legal Aid & Pro Bono Services
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: bfd
Date: August 07, 2019 04:39PM
Quote
Blankity Blank
Quote
bfd
[www.211oc.org]

They can help you immediately. It's what they do. They can also help you with your other questions. You can dial 2-1-1 if you don't have access to a computer. 211 is the first place to go.

Looks great. Just to be clear, they can direct Gene to a source/sources even if he’s not in Orange County, correct?

Uncertain. Thought he was still in/around Dana Point. That's OC. Where is he right now? If he's in California, 211 is pretty much the hotline for help regardless of where one is living in CA. Each county has a lead entity. [www.cpuc.ca.gov]
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: ArtP
Date: August 07, 2019 04:40PM
Good advice above....

I'm not in great financial shape myself at the moment but willing to throw a few $ at the gofundme page if someone sets one up.

A $10 here or a $20 there can go a long way to bringing back some normalcy to your day to day survival.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: August 07, 2019 04:56PM
Quote
bfd
Quote
Blankity Blank
Quote
bfd
[www.211oc.org]

They can help you immediately. It's what they do. They can also help you with your other questions. You can dial 2-1-1 if you don't have access to a computer. 211 is the first place to go.

Looks great. Just to be clear, they can direct Gene to a source/sources even if he’s not in Orange County, correct?

Uncertain. Thought he was still in/around Dana Point. That's OC. Where is he right now? If he's in California, 211 is pretty much the hotline for help regardless of where one is living in CA. Each county has a lead entity. [www.cpuc.ca.gov]

I missed his Dana Point location. That looks like it cloud be a great source to tap into.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Drew
Date: August 07, 2019 05:31PM
Following along. Will also be willing to donate to a gofundme kind of setup.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: wave rider
Date: August 07, 2019 06:19PM
Wishing I had some ideas to help, GeneL; lots of good advice being proffered.


Taking notes for myself too…



=wr=
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: MrNoBody
Date: August 07, 2019 07:05PM
Quote
ArtP
Good advice above....

I'm not in great financial shape myself at the moment but willing to throw a few $ at the gofundme page if someone sets one up.

A $10 here or a $20 there can go a long way to bringing back some normalcy to your day to day survival.

Same here! Being on the EC, there's not much I could do other than donate.
There's enough of us here that $20 each would add up!

Hang in there Gene.



N39° 39.7234', W075° 33.9788'
...word salad is not a disorder, it is a symptom...

“If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.”
-Albert Einstein

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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mspace
Date: August 08, 2019 09:37AM
Is there ANY way to point out to Mavis that this threat will NEVER go away, no matter how much she complies? The daughter can keep doing this again and again.

I do understand the fear and terror that she (and you) is under right now. Please try to use the great suggestions already made.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: rjmacs
Date: August 08, 2019 10:00AM
Primum non nocere.

Are we helping?

GeneL identified two needs: financial resources to cover a gap in his income vs. expenses, as he faces a transition out of nursing facility, and help organizing and liquidating collectibles. I'm not saying that everyone's comments aren't well-meaning and caring, but we haven't done a great job addressing the needs directly.

The first (gap between income and expenses) is very difficult to manage with crowdfunding/charity, because the gap recurs cyclically. I know we would like to be able to fix this, but crowdfunding won't sustain GeneL over time.

The second is somewhere the forum might have more expertise. I don't personally know much about collectibles, but we have several vendors on the forum. I don't know if assistance with this task can be outsourced, but if so a crowdfunding campaign might help cover some costs.

There's clearly a lot of personal relationship complexity and pain in this situation, and possibly some abuse of influence. I hope we can all remember that family matters are never clear to outsiders (and often not clear to insiders), and not jump to too many conclusions. I'm concerned for Gene and Mavis, but for now they seem to be safe.

Gene - I wonder if the nursing facility where you are has any kind of patient advocate, or a social worker? That's not usually a "fix," but in my time in healthcare these folks were some of the best, patient-focused folks I met. Having an ally/partner nearby who doesn't have to deal with all the health- and emotion-related stress bugging you can be invaluable!



rj
AKA
Vreemac, Moth of the Future
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: August 08, 2019 10:44AM
While crowd funding is not a long term fix, it can play an invaluable role in relieving the stress and distraction of immediate financial need, making it much easier to focus on longer term solutions.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: August 08, 2019 11:09AM
When someone is in need, they are in need at that moment. Worrying about the future when you don't know where you'll sleep is a luxury. I'm not sure if that is the case here or not, but it sounded rather dire to me.

I'm like Art above, and will contribute what I can when it's made clear Gene can receive the funds.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/08/2019 11:10AM by mrbigstuff.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mikebw
Date: August 08, 2019 12:01PM
Is it even clear to us that GeneL is able to setup a GoFundMe campaign for himself? Perhaps one of us should step in and help with that?

(I would but I will be mostly out of town on various trips for the rest of the month.)
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: hal
Date: August 08, 2019 01:28PM
Gene - I'm very good at getting top dollar for sales on ebay for SOME items. If you want to send me a rough list of what you have, I can at least take a look and see what I can do.

If you have some items that I think I might be able to sell for you, you can send me some pictures and I can list the items.

There will be more complications if we move forward, this might be a good way to get some quick money.

FYI - many things that were once collectable and valuable are not any longer. Don't be surprised if there isn't real value there. When my mom downsized to go to independent living, she couldn't get more than $100 for antique fine Wedgwood chine set - a LARGE set.

anyway - hoping for the best

um... one other unpleasant note... living there for 20 years, you have very significant squatters rights. A person can not just be throw out of their home and a person living for 20 years in a home has significant rights. Let's be blunt here - $900 isn't going to get anything livable without some extraordinary luck in OC... in CA for that matter. If it come down to living on the street vs Mavis' tears... I hope you choose to deal with the tears for a bit.

You have a lot of needs right now, but TIME may be the most crucial. You need time to get this sorted out and squatting in your situation is not unreasonable at all. Maybe talk to the child directly about this.

SO painful to thin about...
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: vicrock
Date: August 08, 2019 05:45PM
I just asked a friend who is a lawyer in Orange County - she suggested
[www.communitylegalsocal.org]

She also says legally Gene is entitled to a 60 day notice before being forced out but that there are also a bunch of family law issues that apply

Hope that might also help
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Grateful11
Date: August 08, 2019 07:03PM
Quote
ArtP
Good advice above....

I'm not in great financial shape myself at the moment but willing to throw a few $ at the gofundme page if someone sets one up.

A $10 here or a $20 there can go a long way to bringing back some normalcy to your day to day survival.

Same here but I'll try and see what I can do.

Same as Hal on this. My wife has a fairly active store on eBay and I'd be more than glad to do some research
to see exactly what Gene has and see if they're still viable items on eBay. Like Hal said the resell market
changes and what was collectible may not even be worth his time now.

It really sucks that they are going through this.



Grateful11
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: space-time
Date: August 08, 2019 07:19PM
Quote
mikebw
Is it even clear to us that GeneL is able to setup a GoFundMe campaign for himself? Perhaps one of us should step in and help with that?

(I would but I will be mostly out of town on various trips for the rest of the month.)

I would like to help but I never did something like this, I am also out of town (and quite busy when in town) and furthermore, I don't know Gene and I don't know how to make this campaign for him. I guess whoever set it up would need some sort of connection to Gene, at least be local and meet with him to discuss some details and make sure the funds go to him and not to someone else. This is such a tricky situation.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mikebw
Date: August 08, 2019 09:08PM
Quote
space-time
Quote
mikebw
Is it even clear to us that GeneL is able to setup a GoFundMe campaign for himself? Perhaps one of us should step in and help with that?

(I would but I will be mostly out of town on various trips for the rest of the month.)

I would like to help but I never did something like this, I am also out of town (and quite busy when in town) and furthermore, I don't know Gene and I don't know how to make this campaign for him. I guess whoever set it up would need some sort of connection to Gene, at least be local and meet with him to discuss some details and make sure the funds go to him and not to someone else. This is such a tricky situation.

As I recall Blankity Blank setup a GoFundMe page for his sister not too long ago, so I nominate him the MRF expert on this.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: August 08, 2019 10:29PM
Quote
mikebw
Quote
space-time
Quote
mikebw
Is it even clear to us that GeneL is able to setup a GoFundMe campaign for himself? Perhaps one of us should step in and help with that?

(I would but I will be mostly out of town on various trips for the rest of the month.)

I would like to help but I never did something like this, I am also out of town (and quite busy when in town) and furthermore, I don't know Gene and I don't know how to make this campaign for him. I guess whoever set it up would need some sort of connection to Gene, at least be local and meet with him to discuss some details and make sure the funds go to him and not to someone else. This is such a tricky situation.

As I recall Blankity Blank setup a GoFundMe page for his sister not too long ago, so I nominate him the MRF expert on this.

I’ll be glad to chip in every scintilla of knowledge gained, but will have to decline actually ramrodding. Unfortunately I’m still dealing with her passing.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: A-Polly
Date: August 09, 2019 12:47AM
Gosh, GeneL, what a stressful and complicated mess! I agree with whoever said the above, "Follow the money."

Unfortunately, I have no experience with collectibles but would be happy to donate if it comes to that. I hope your collections aren't locked up in the home you can't enter, though!

Also second the suggestion to speak with the social worker at your facility, and Adult Protective Services, and any of the legal aid suggestions mentioned above. The social worker at my dad's rehab facility was very kind and helpful.

Good luck, good thoughts, and best wishes coming at you from across the country. And hoping for Mavis to gain strength, too.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 09, 2019 04:41AM
I HAVEN'T RESPONDED FOR A SHORT TIME BECAUSE I AM IN THE HOSPITAL!
Yesterday, (Wed) after dialysis Mavis came to pick me up. Dialysis was cut short due to equipment problems. I had been complaining that I was very cold.
Mavis told me that I walked to the car and when I sat down my legs were shaking. That was the last thing that I remembered.
Sometime later I woke up in the hospital with no memory of how I got there.
Turns out that I had pneumonia, a common cold and a 103° fever.
I don't know how long that I will be hospitalized.
I can see that there is more about my relationship with Mavis that I have to share with you all. In explaining our situation you will see why the suggestions that some of you have offered wouldn't work for me.
Our relationship has lasted some 33 years. We measure the years from our first date, May 4th 33 years ago. After a short time dating Mavis came to live with me and we have lived together ever since.
When we met Mavis was married, but legally separated. She shared a house with her husband, but I understood that the marriage was over.
Over the years, I often wished that Mavis would divorce, but she put me off saying that it would cost too much in taxes.
After that we lived together much as husband and wife. We had our ups and downs, but somehow the pendulum always came to rest with problems in the past and we moved on, together.
When I met Mavis I was living in a villa in Laguna. It was a fantasy place. Built in 1917 by the architect who was responsible for the Mission Inn in Riverside, California.
There was a main house where the owner lived and several smaller units, probably designed to house guests of the owner. It sat on a cliff right over the ocean so looking out my windows I could see Catalina, whales and ships of all sorts. It was very beautiful.
We lived there for several years until my business went downhill.
We looked for a place to move to and found the condo where we have been living for the last twenty years.
After renting for a time I got a call from the owner saying that he wanted to sell the condo offering it for the price he had paid originally.
This was a steal. I couldn't afford to buy it, but Mavis could. And so it goes.
Although I offered to pitch in many times, Mavis didn't want me to. Basically it seems she did that to prevent me from having any "interest" in the ownership of the condo. My alternative was to spend my money on food for us and "things" for the condo and various forms of entertainment. I'm afraid that I saved nothing. My mistake, I am sorry to say, was to not allow for the circumstances that I am now faced with.
The story continues with my becoming ill with infections called C-diff and pneumonia. On my pulmonologist's recommendation I rushed to emergency and was admitted. Because I was contagious I was put in isolation a there I stayed for months. Altogether, between two hospitals and several nursing facilities I have been away from home for over five months.
It was during this time that Mavis' daughter took advantage of my absence, telling Mavis that if she let me come home she wouldn't get any support from her family and that she wouldn't ever see her grandchildren and great grandchildren again.
When Mavis told me about this she also added that her daughter had driven her to the hospital to find out why she had a pain in her arm with no visible injury. While she was being looked at her daughter lied to doctors there that Mavis had a panic attack, prompting them to perform a scan of her brain. They found no problem, but that her daughter did that made Mavis terrified of what else she could do.
When I have attempted to encourage her to fight back she became hysterical with fear. It was terrible for me to see. I just couldn't stand being the reason for her to become so upset.
Any of you who are parents may have experienced saying something or doing something that made your little child so upset with fear that they just crumbled in front of you because they didn't have the experience to deal with the situation. That is what it felt like to me when Mavis described her fear of what would happen if she let me come home.
I just couldn't stand to bring out that terrified feeling that I saw, so I have backed off. I don't want to hurt her because I love her, so I am stuck, not able to get her to protect herself and not able to bring legal remedies into the situation.
As it is, Mavis will let me take my collectibles and even the bulk of our furniture, antiques that I bought at auction and had at my place in Laguna Beach when we first got together. She even offer to let me sell the carved bird pins that I had given her over the years.
From my point of view, I could push my legal rights and perhaps even pursue a case against her daughter, but I would lose the one person that I can ask to help me with rides and other fundamental things. She even has been coming to pick me up from dialysis and taking my dirty clothes home and laundering them for me.
So you see that I have more to lose than to gain, especially when you consider that she clearly loves me, so how could I ever be able to find that kind of bond based on thirty years together?
No doubt her fear is not based on what would be best for her in the long run, but she is going to be 88 in just a few weeks and is emotionally frail because of her age.
That's my situation with Mavis and I think that most of you can get my dilemma.
Short of someone knowing of a place that I could rent for what I can afford, the offers of assistance to aid in selling my collectibles would be a great aid for me. It is the logistics that I can't easily figure out. It would take my going home, photographing everything (no small task even were I in excellent health). I find the thought of doing this rather daunting.
I am open to any ideas that any of you can suggest???
As some have mentioned the logistics, if you live far from me, make it difficult for me to imagine how we could work together to sell my stuff. I am open to ideas.
Has my story filled in the gaps that you've had with our situation. If not, please let me know and I will do my best to fill you in.
Thank you all for your suggestions and offers of assistance. Now all I have to do is to figure out how to make any of them work out. Please keep in mind the logistics of the situation and apply that to any offers that you would like to make.
I need real friends right now and even though space-time thinks he doesn't know me, it is my thought that over all the years that we have been posting very intimate information about ourselves and our lives it has produced some real sense of friendship among the long time members. Am I wrong?
I do know that when a bunch of us got together for the MR SOCAL Luncheon the atmosphere was of very good friends who were happy to see each other. I look back on that event with pride and happiness for the success that I felt seeing the pleasure that everyone there seemed to feel just being together in person. That certainly convinced me that those of us who choose to see other forum members as friends actually have them as friends when they finally meet in person.
Don't most of you agree with me?
Once again, you have my thanks for investing a bit of yourself in my life. Please let me know if my attempt to clarify the situation for you was successful.
Your friend,
GeneL



gl @ Dana Point, CA



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2019 04:50AM by GeneL.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: rgG
Date: August 09, 2019 07:28AM
While you are in the hospital, ask if there is a patient advocate and explain your situation, as far as having no place to go home to, and see if they can recommend any agencies or people who can help.

Do you have any family at all that could help out, even for a short time?

You might be able to find an estate sale type company or a consignment store who could help you sell your stuff. You won’t get retail for it, but it might be the quickest and easiest way to get it sold and get some cash.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mikebw
Date: August 09, 2019 11:09AM
Good idea rgG.

There used to be some independently owned "ebay shops", basically a pawn shop, but they would take your stuff and sell it for you. This seems like what hal is offering, but local.

GeneL, could you post more specifically what sort of things you have to sell? You already mentioned antiques, furniture and carved bird pins. Anything else? It seems hal was interested to know as he might be able to assist with that depending on the nature of the items.

edit:

I'm afraid I just don't understand why her daughter doesn't want you around in the first place.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2019 11:11AM by mikebw.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 09, 2019 12:06PM
Mike, I am being started on dialysis just now right here in the hospital.
It's too difficult to type with only one hand, so I will respond to your post after my dialysis session is over, about three hours.
Thanks for the questions.
GeneL



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Markintosh
Date: August 09, 2019 12:07PM
After liquidating 2 estates in the last 3 years, the value of "antiques" is in the crapper. What our parents cherished as "our inheritance" is basically of no value to millennials living out of a Sprinter van. Items that my father in law thought were worth thousands were sold for pennies on the dollar.

While using an estate auction type of place will cost dearly as a percentage of value, they will save a lot of headache in helping separate the wheat from the chaff, and then taking everything at once. Unfortunately much of what parents had treasured was of no value to even local thrift stores. We had to pay to have it hauled away.

What my mother went through with the children of her non-spouse "significant other" of 40 years, after he had a stroke, was truly disgusting. People value the possibility of a monetary inheritance far more than the happiness of their elders.

I have empathy for you Gene, but I hope you can find someone with the will to help convince Mavis and family that you matter!



“Live your life, love your life, don’t regret…live, learn and move forward positively.” – CR Johnson
Loving life in Lake Tahoe, CA



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2019 12:09PM by Markintosh.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: space-time
Date: August 09, 2019 12:31PM
it seems like you have may items and you are not able to catalog and sell piece by piece. My suggestion would be to hire some sort of professional that does this kind of thing for a living, you will lose some money (I have no idea what they would charge you), but at least you could get something.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mikebw
Date: August 09, 2019 12:36PM
Quote
Markintosh
I have empathy for you Gene, but I hope you can find someone with the will to help convince Mavis and family that you matter!

Agree! Gene- It is downright chivalrous what you are putting up with just to keep Mavis from emotional harm, and I'm not sure any of us could do the same, but never forget that you deserve better than this!
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: rgG
Date: August 09, 2019 12:51PM
Quote
Markintosh
After liquidating 2 estates in the last 3 years, the value of "antiques" is in the crapper. What our parents cherished as "our inheritance" is basically of no value to millennials living out of a Sprinter van. Items that my father in law thought were worth thousands were sold for pennies on the dollar.

While using an estate auction type of place will cost dearly as a percentage of value, they will save a lot of headache in helping separate the wheat from the chaff, and then taking everything at once. Unfortunately much of what parents had treasured was of no value to even local thrift stores. We had to pay to have it hauled away.

What my mother went through with the children of her non-spouse "significant other" of 40 years, after he had a stroke, was truly disgusting. People value the possibility of a monetary inheritance far more than the happiness of their elders.

I have empathy for you Gene, but I hope you can find someone with the will to help convince Mavis and family that you matter!

This. Estate sale people take about 30%, but they do everything. Also, they know what does and does not have value. Well worth it if you can’t do it yourself.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: August 09, 2019 12:52PM
GeneL, thanks for the update and more in-depth background. I really hope things improve for you.

Family members can be strange and frustrating. I suspect it would take a long conversation between a good psychologist and the daughter to really figure things out, assuming she would be willing to let the psychologist talk to a third party afterwards. One guess is her feelings for her father really complicates things.

Almost seven years later I still don't fully understand why my brother has been such a butthead as executor of my parents estate. It's stuck at about 99.2% complete. In hindsight, I should have started succession of executors after the first six months of almost no progress. It took me about that long to figure out that mom had been playing us off against each other for at least two years. I am not sure, she might have only been doing it subconsciously. When I tried to bring it up, my brother did not seem interesting in talking about it. Maybe still some residual feelings...

My experience with consignment stores is the money trickles in unless there are some really exceptional pieces that be sold quickly... and then the money trickles in. I think the issue with bone china dropping in value is that so many people have inherited it, and either already started their own collection or don't have a family life where it would fit in. (something else to blame on millennials... old fogey smiley grinning smiley )



In tha 360. MRF User Map
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: 3d
Date: August 09, 2019 03:12PM
Catching pneumonia may have been a lucky break for you. I'm guessing you can stay in the hospital for a few days. Does the nursing/rehab center stay "reset" to give you more time? Or is the last day still still Monday regardless?

I'm really just guessing here but doesn't Medicaid help pay for a nursing home? I have to imagine you qualify for Medicaid with no income and no savings.
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