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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 30, 2019 09:53PM
mrbigstuff, it's a big deal right now if I can get up off the bed and walk to the bathroom.
A short time ago I was much stronger, but suddenly I relapsed and I don't know why.
Needless to say, I feel terribly frustrated.
One issue that I have is my driver's license has expired and it will be difficult, without assistance, to get to the DMV, much less to make an appointment.
If I manage that then I will be faced with finding a suitable vehicle that runs well and I can afford. That was one thing that led me to ask about a "go fund me."
You can tell how tough it is for me without a network of friends and family that could pitch in and assist me in getting back on my feet.
Oh well...!
... at least I will have a room to myself.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: August 31, 2019 09:50AM
Quote
GeneL
mrbigstuff, it's a big deal right now if I can get up off the bed and walk to the bathroom.
A short time ago I was much stronger, but suddenly I relapsed and I don't know why.
Needless to say, I feel terribly frustrated.
One issue that I have is my driver's license has expired and it will be difficult, without assistance, to get to the DMV, much less to make an appointment.
If I manage that then I will be faced with finding a suitable vehicle that runs well and I can afford. That was one thing that led me to ask about a "go fund me."
You can tell how tough it is for me without a network of friends and family that could pitch in and assist me in getting back on my feet.
Oh well...!
... at least I will have a room to myself.

Here are a couple of resources in Dana Point.

Age Well Senior Services Non - Emergency Medical Transportation - $2.00 per Ride - Call
(949) 855-9766 for information and application.

Age Well Senior Services’ Non-Emergency Medical Transportation program provides seniors with transportation to their non-emergency medical appointments including therapy, dentistry, hearing, dialysis, prescription pick-ups, testing and x-rays. Professionally trained drivers provide transportation on our modern fleet of accessible buses and vans.

[I’ve used a similar service in my area with tremendous success.]


Case Management - Free home assessment to determine the level of assistance needed to help maintain senior's independence. By appointment, call (949) 496-9519.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: testcase
Date: August 31, 2019 09:54AM
Glad to hear that you have a place to go. I too would be suspicious of daughter's intent. Perhaps if you're away from Mavis for a while, Mavis might have time to give SERIOUS consideration to what SHE wants and what will be best for HER. Do you know if Mavis has ever consulted with an attorney; especially one familiar with elder care issues? If she hasn't, she REALLY should (but, such a recommendation would be better if it didn't come from you).
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: rich in distress
Date: August 31, 2019 12:27PM
Hey Gene!
I was going to suggest Uber for moving around. I realize it can get expensive, but it may be useful for you once in a while.
But Blankity’s info is pure gold. Call them ASAP!!!
Rooting for you here.



• back to confinement


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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: August 31, 2019 12:50PM
Another big plus over an Uber/Lyft is, with our service, the drivers were tasked with transporting those with health issues and are remarkably accommodating.

All the way from simply walking you to the door to make sure you have no difficulties, to carrying (a reasonable number of) bags to your door, helping you up steps, etc. They aren’t full blown caretakers, but they do go out of their way far more than any Uber driver I’ve come across (to the contrary, I could tell you a couple of less than pleasant stories on that front).
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 31, 2019 01:17PM
Thanks everyone, for the ongoing support.
I certainly am a "work in progress."
I have been fortunate to have qualified for Medical transportation. It is free for me and will take me to my medical appointments, including dialysis three days a week. The only issue that I have with them is that sometimes they run late, which can be a problem with my getting my full 3 to 3 1/2 hours of dialysis treatment.
testcase, I agree that Mavis should be talking to an attorney that specializes in this type of case. Unfortunately, she has it in her head that it would precipitate some terrible action on the part of her daughter. The daughter's husband has a large successful business, so Mavis feels that they would crush her attempts to bring an attorney into the situation.
She won't listen to my suggestion.
As far as transportation is concerned, my biggest need is to get around so I can deal with all the saleable items that I have left at the condo. Getting to the DMV has me stumped. Once I would have my license I think that I would be able to get something to drive.
Which brings me back to an original point, is there some way that I could raise some money?
Thanks for the ongoing support. I just would be happy if some of it involved face to face interaction! It would be great to sit down with my forum friends and have a cup of coffee while we figure out how to deal with my challenges.
I'm sure you can get how I feel...
Thanks again, everyone.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: deckeda
Date: August 31, 2019 01:52PM
Quote
GeneL

... testcase, I agree that Mavis should be talking to an attorney that specializes in this type of case. Unfortunately, she has it in her head that it would precipitate some terrible action on the part of her daughter. The daughter's husband has a large successful business, so Mavis feels that they would crush her attempts to bring an attorney into the situation.
She won't listen to my suggestion.

...

What was the suggestion, to sue the daughter for some reason? If not, how/why would the daughter "crush" her?

The only suggestion I recall anyone making was for Mavis to tell the daughter to simply take a hike and let Mavis do whatever Mavis wants to do.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Janit
Date: August 31, 2019 08:08PM
Quote
deckeda
Quote
GeneL

... testcase, I agree that Mavis should be talking to an attorney that specializes in this type of case. Unfortunately, she has it in her head that it would precipitate some terrible action on the part of her daughter. The daughter's husband has a large successful business, so Mavis feels that they would crush her attempts to bring an attorney into the situation.
She won't listen to my suggestion.

...

What was the suggestion, to sue the daughter for some reason? If not, how/why would the daughter "crush" her?

The only suggestion I recall anyone making was for Mavis to tell the daughter to simply take a hike and let Mavis do whatever Mavis wants to do.

Mavis is terrified. Unfortunately, terrified people don't respond well to reason.

Mavis can consult a lawyer without telling her daughter, and following the lawyer's advice would not necessarily involve a lawsuit. But Mavis is too terrified to wrap her head around these nuances.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 31, 2019 11:00PM
Janit, you have a clear sense of the situation. It is so frustrating for me, not to be able to encourage Mavis to get herself a knowledgeable lawyer to set up something that would provide solid protection against anything that her daughter might do.
Instead she builds a case in her mind that she loses her grandchildren and her great grandchildren if she involves a lawyer. She sees that the daughter who has been attacking her has involved her daughters and their husbands in businesses that in some way depend on her and her businessman husband.
She feels that there is nothing she can do that won't backfire on her.
Then, as far as our relationship, she feels that because she bought the condo and pays the various utilities she has contributed much more to the relationship than I have and she has expressed that viewpoint many times in the past. It has always been hurtful when she has done that.
The truth is that I have many times wanted to chip in with the money that I have coming in, but she has always rejected my offer. It has always seemed to be her way to prevent me from establishing a claim against her.
I have shrugged this off, not knowing anyway to change her.
People talk about "sweat equity" and between that and the money that I have spent on food, entertainment, various additions to the condo and all the "honey do" things that I have done to keep things running, I feel that I have kept up my end of things but Mavis discounts all of that!
I just don't know how I can move on? I have no picture of recovering a life from this horrific situation and being able to find "someone new."
Pretty sad, huh?



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 31, 2019 11:02PM
Yesterday two things happened.
Mavis called me all upset. When she went to get the WSJ which is delivered to our front door each morning, she found an envelope that contained a letter from her daughter.
The daughter apologized for her verbal attack and suggested that they work to have a better relationship.
Mavis expressed her feelings, saying that she didn't feel that she could trust her daughter.
I had, initially, taken the letter as a sign that Mavis could let me come home. Unfortunately, she felt that she couldn't trust the letter.
When I heard about the letter I had taken it as a sign that I wouldn't have to rent the room that very afternoon, but Mavis burst that bubble with ongoing distrust of her daughter.
That afternoon I took a Lyft over to see the room and it wasn't bad. I had been apprehensive about the size (10x10) thinking "prison cell" but it turned out to be quite pleasant. I will have to make the most of it.
My biggest concern right now is that I am not feeling very well. I just am keeping my fingers crossed that my health and my strength will improve over time.
On my way to dialysis right now, so consider this my update.
Thanks,
GeneL



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: DP
Date: September 01, 2019 08:33AM
I haven't responded yet for a variety of reasons, especially the reason that we can't get the point of view from Mavis. But we probably won't. So based on that, I would advise you, Gene, that it's time to bail out.

I'm sorry to be so blunt. Having read of this whole disaster going on for you, I see a recurring theme here and that it appears you've been suffering quite a bit of mental abuse from Mavis for years. She seems to want to protect herself from becoming obligated to you for any reason whatsoever, but you still need to be there at her beck and call.

I know you are one of our "seasoned citizens" and as we all age, we tend to rely on the situations we've lived in as an anchor against the uncertainties of the future. To lose that is devastating, and I surely am not minimizing your loss.

That said, and in my opinion, and mine alone, I would tell Mavis that if she won't deal with the situation one way or the other, then you have to end the relationship.

It seems that she does all she can to avoid dealing with her daughter's heavy-handedness, your attempts to do what you can to help, even being sharp and, well, mean to you when you try to discuss solutions. It seems to have been a very one-sided relationship.

If she isn't going to have your six, you need to recognize that. And if you do as I have suggested, It can't be a bluff. You also need to steel yourself to be able to follow through with this option. You are not young, you have myriad medical issues, and you need to think of yourself first.

BB and others have loaded you up with excellent information to help you to move on and you have taken some steps, showing that you can do it. It will be incredibly difficult for you, no doubt, but I see no good outcome from this unless you take this step. Again, it is my opinion alone.

But if leaving Mavis would help you to get over a very long term relationship that you have cherished; seeing that the relationship, without changing to reflect your needs, is destructive as time moves on, then I believe it's the right thing to do.

God bless, Gene...





Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: deckeda
Date: September 01, 2019 09:43AM
Well said, DP
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mikebw
Date: September 03, 2019 08:44AM
Is it just me, or has Gene posted the same update two days in a row?
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: DP
Date: September 03, 2019 09:46AM
I don't see a duplicate message-the last one I see is from Saturday at 11:02PM Forum Time and no dupe of that.

I'd like to see a new update from Gene...





Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mikebw
Date: September 03, 2019 11:03AM
Quote
GeneL
Posted by: GeneL [PM] [Ignore this user]
Date: August 30, 2019 12:07PM
Yesterday two things happened.
Mavis called me all upset. When she went to get the WSJ which is delivered to our front door each morning, she found an envelope that contained a letter from her daughter.
The daughter apologized for her verbal attack and suggested that they work to have a better relationship.
Mavis expressed her feelings, saying that she didn't feel that she could trust her daughter.
I had, initially, taken the letter as a sign that Mavis could let me come home. Unfortunately, she felt that she couldn't trust the letter.
When I heard about the letter I had taken it as a sign that I wouldn't have to rent the room that very afternoon, but Mavis burst that bubble with ongoing distrust of her daughter.
That afternoon I took a Lyft over to see the room and it wasn't bad. I had been apprehensive about the size (10x10) thinking "prison cell" but it turned out to be quite pleasant. I will have to make the most of it.
My biggest concern right now is that I am not feeling very well. I just am keeping my fingers crossed that my health and my strength will improve over time.
On my way to dialysis right now, so consider this my update.
Thanks,
GeneL

and

Quote
GeneL
Posted by: GeneL [PM] [Ignore this user]
Date: September 01, 2019 12:02AM
Yesterday two things happened.
Mavis called me all upset. When she went to get the WSJ which is delivered to our front door each morning, she found an envelope that contained a letter from her daughter.
The daughter apologized for her verbal attack and suggested that they work to have a better relationship.
Mavis expressed her feelings, saying that she didn't feel that she could trust her daughter.
I had, initially, taken the letter as a sign that Mavis could let me come home. Unfortunately, she felt that she couldn't trust the letter.
When I heard about the letter I had taken it as a sign that I wouldn't have to rent the room that very afternoon, but Mavis burst that bubble with ongoing distrust of her daughter.
That afternoon I took a Lyft over to see the room and it wasn't bad. I had been apprehensive about the size (10x10) thinking "prison cell" but it turned out to be quite pleasant. I will have to make the most of it.
My biggest concern right now is that I am not feeling very well. I just am keeping my fingers crossed that my health and my strength will improve over time.
On my way to dialysis right now, so consider this my update.
Thanks,
GeneL
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: N-OS X-tasy!
Date: September 03, 2019 12:12PM
Quote
mikebw
Quote
GeneL
Posted by: GeneL [PM] [Ignore this user]
Date: August 30, 2019 12:07PM
Yesterday two things happened.
Mavis called me all upset. When she went to get the WSJ which is delivered to our front door each morning, she found an envelope that contained a letter from her daughter.
The daughter apologized for her verbal attack and suggested that they work to have a better relationship.
Mavis expressed her feelings, saying that she didn't feel that she could trust her daughter.
I had, initially, taken the letter as a sign that Mavis could let me come home. Unfortunately, she felt that she couldn't trust the letter.
When I heard about the letter I had taken it as a sign that I wouldn't have to rent the room that very afternoon, but Mavis burst that bubble with ongoing distrust of her daughter.
That afternoon I took a Lyft over to see the room and it wasn't bad. I had been apprehensive about the size (10x10) thinking "prison cell" but it turned out to be quite pleasant. I will have to make the most of it.
My biggest concern right now is that I am not feeling very well. I just am keeping my fingers crossed that my health and my strength will improve over time.
On my way to dialysis right now, so consider this my update.
Thanks,
GeneL

and

Quote
GeneL
Posted by: GeneL [PM] [Ignore this user]
Date: September 01, 2019 12:02AM
Yesterday two things happened.
Mavis called me all upset. When she went to get the WSJ which is delivered to our front door each morning, she found an envelope that contained a letter from her daughter.
The daughter apologized for her verbal attack and suggested that they work to have a better relationship.
Mavis expressed her feelings, saying that she didn't feel that she could trust her daughter.
I had, initially, taken the letter as a sign that Mavis could let me come home. Unfortunately, she felt that she couldn't trust the letter.
When I heard about the letter I had taken it as a sign that I wouldn't have to rent the room that very afternoon, but Mavis burst that bubble with ongoing distrust of her daughter.
That afternoon I took a Lyft over to see the room and it wasn't bad. I had been apprehensive about the size (10x10) thinking "prison cell" but it turned out to be quite pleasant. I will have to make the most of it.
My biggest concern right now is that I am not feeling very well. I just am keeping my fingers crossed that my health and my strength will improve over time.
On my way to dialysis right now, so consider this my update.
Thanks,
GeneL

The Sept 1 post above does not appear in my thread view.



It is what it is.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mikebw
Date: September 03, 2019 12:13PM
Well that's super strange then.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Z
Date: September 03, 2019 12:18PM
You're not alone, mikebw - I see both of them.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Buzz
Date: September 03, 2019 01:02PM
Obviously Mavis's daughter's goons got to Gene before Gene's entourage could get to her, and wisen her up a bit. Gene is being held captive in a Ugandan prison, without indoor plumbing or running water. Dreadful conditions, for sure. Some of Mavis's daughter's other goons are posting, and re-posting as though they are Gene, in the hopes that we won't find out his true whereabouts, and be able to pin these dastardly deeds on Mavis's evil daughter. Mavis's daughter needs to be found and brought to justice ASAP, or Gene will be transported to another galaxy far, far away. Gene must be found and rescued, so that he and Mavis, and Precious can live out their years peacefully, while Mavis's evil daughter is punished to the fullest extent of the law for her crimes against humanity.
==
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 03, 2019 01:11PM
smiley-laughing001



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 03, 2019 01:16PM
Buzz, that was hilarious!

BTW, don't you live in the Laguna Beach area?



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Buzz
Date: September 03, 2019 03:20PM
a bit further up the road, in Santa Monica.
Laguna would be nice, but ever since the original Javier's closed up, Laguna lost a lot of it appeal.
Current desire is N. County SD, Carlsbad, Encinitas, Leucadia area, but gotta wait till the old ball and chain retires from flying.
==
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Janit
Date: September 03, 2019 03:33PM
Quote
GeneL
smiley-laughing001

Good to "hear" you laugh!
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 03, 2019 11:33PM
Mavis and I had a wonderful lunch for her 88th Birthday.
I took her to King's Fish House in Laguna Hills.
Parmsan crusted sand dabs with a lemon butter and caper sauce. Mmmm!
Dessert on the house was the best key lime pie that we've had in years.
When I got back to the nursing facility I had another of the "episodes" that I have been experiencing for the last three days. Even using the oxygen concentrator I felt that I couldn't breathe.
When the nurse told me that there had been a spike in one of my heart related blood tests, I felt it was time to get checked out in the hospital, despite the nursing center's doctor saying that it wasn't necessary. I would rather err on the side of caution.
I'm waiting for the ambulance to show up and wondering if there is anything serious wrong with me.
Time will tell, as the saying goes.
Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting episode of, "Gene needs our help!"



gl @ Dana Point, CA



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/03/2019 11:36PM by GeneL.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: DP
Date: September 04, 2019 04:50PM
Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting episode of, "Gene needs our help!"

I'm glad you had a good day with Mavis-other than the "episode", of course... We can hear you smile from way back east!





Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 07, 2019 04:18AM
I'm getting closer to discharging myself from the nursing facility where I have been staying most recently.
As I think about what it would be like, living by myself and not having a car to get around, I worry that I will be cut off from everything that could motivate me to get up in the morning or to get out of the house.
I have been sedentary for six months and I find it hard to muster much motivation.
Now, more than ever, I am worried how I will do on my own, for the most part.
I picture myself just slipping away.
It's been so hard for me, not having anyone, friends and family to inspire me to get up and out.
I just don't know how I can make it.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: DP
Date: September 07, 2019 07:02AM
I wish, I wish, I wish we could do more for you in the concrete sense of actually being there. You know we're here in the ethereal sense for whatever that's worth, Gene, but we know what you can do when you set your mind to it...





Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mspace
Date: September 07, 2019 09:26AM
Even getting your own space is "doing". Try not to define doing from larger things. Every little thing you do is a "doing" building block to the next. Please give yourself FULL credit for each thing accomplished- not matter how "small" it seems.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: September 07, 2019 02:44PM
Orange County Office on Aging
Information line: 1-800-510-2020

Transportation Resource Directory
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: space-time
Date: September 07, 2019 08:43PM
Quote
GeneL
...
...
It's been so hard for me, not having anyone, friends and family to inspire me to get up and out.
I just don't know how I can make it.

Once again, how is your relationship with your Son? (IIRC you mentioned a Son in one of the previous posts). How old is he? how far away does he live? when was the last contact with him?
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 07, 2019 10:41PM
space-time, after years of pouring love and generosity into caring for my son he has decided to focus on any and all the things that he has decided we're so terrible that he cannot have me in his life and the lives of my grandchildren.
One example he gave me that he is hanging on to is based on my giving him the freedom to make his own choices. From an early age it was obvious that he was very bright, so I started by letting him decide what to wear to school. Some choices he made were terrible in my mind, but I said "okay" and then suggested an alternative with an explanation. I never disparaged his choice. As he grew up I continued to feel that more than not he made intelligent choices for himself.
That is the background that led to his apparently long held anger towards me.
When I asked him why he was so angry with me, one of the reasons was that he had chosen to stay overnight at one of his high school friends house. In the morning when he got up he walked out to the living room and found that they were filming a porno there!
He blames me for allowing him to stay there, saying that I should have checked the people out??? Mind you, this was before the internet took off, so how was I supposed to "check them out?" As far fetched as it may sound, he is still blaming me instead of himself for putting him in that situation.
Whatever his reasons, he has cut himself and my grandchildren off from me, so I have no relatives for support here in California.

DP, I appreciate the "ethereal" support, but I desperately need something more personal, like someone to talk to, to have a conversation with.
Is there anyway to build a small network of friends who would be willing to go the extra step and actually talk to me on the phone.
I know that because the forum uses http rather than https posting personal information isn't secure, but I would really appreciate being able to connect with a voice to those of you who have continued to stay with me through this harrowing time in my life.
And by the way, I did double post a short time ago. I had begun writing and got side tracked, not realizing that I had already posted the thoughts, so I ran across a copy of the post and mistakenly posted it again.

Anyway, I am open to suggestions...

... and thanks!



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: September 07, 2019 11:59PM
I understand the concerns about mobility. It took my mom a several months to adjust to not having a car. It looks like [www.ladottransit.com] is the default version for seniors in LA. Costs for trips is a little high, at $4 for a 10 mile ride. It's cheaper if you can qualify for the Access LA Paratransit program. [accessla.org]



In tha 360. MRF User Map
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 08, 2019 01:37AM
I had a conversation with the doctor that covers the patients staying in this nursing facility.
He explained to me the the weakness that I'm experiencing is due to my congestive heart failure. I asked him what can be done for that. He told me that there are some medications that could help. I found that answer disturbing. It's like trying to save a sinking ship by bailing out the water with a small bucket.
I don't like my odds of having my health and my quality of life getting any better.
For most of my life I have skated along and somehow found a way to live well enough to be happy. Now, I don't have a very optimistic outlook that I will ever recover from feeling impaired in a way that will prevent me from feeling that I can make my life any better than where it is now.
BTW, I have tried the OCTA ride service and found that they were too unreliable. I have seen them drive into the entrance to our condo development and then go off in the wrong direction, even though I was jumping up and down and waving my arms, they just drove off in another direction.

Currently, I use MediCal's CalOptima ride service which is free to me. The problem with them is that they are frequently late in picking me up for dialysis.
There may be a way to use this service for other purposes than medical. That would really be great. The problem that I see with that is that it will require planning ahead, which takes away from any spontaneity.
Believe me, I have checked all the agencies for help finding a place to move into from "rehab," but none were helpful. Likewise, most of the agencies that have been suggested were unable to offer any real help.


One thing that could make sense in keeping this thread open would be if I found a way to have some more direct connections with you, my forum friends. By that I mean being able to get in "direct" contact with you so the kind words, suggestions and good thoughts could have a voice attached to them and also to have the direct benefit of the expertise from some of you who have successfully sold on eBay or the equivalent. As good as I am in selling face to face, I'm afraid that I haven't been able to bring that skill to bear on offering items for sale on eBay.

I can't begin to tell you how much your posts have meant to me, but now I am wondering if any of you are willing to take the next step and make it more "personal?"

Also, BTW, something was mentioned about a "Go fund me" and whatever that might bring in, it could be helpful. From buying a cheap vehicle to take my collectibles to the local flea markets (if I ever get well enough to handle that) or to buying a portable oxygen concentrator so I wouldn't have to lug an oxygen tank around. They are so unwieldy and don't last long enough to allow for all day activity. I know that it would be a long shot, but as unrealistic as it seems, I feel that it would be like buying a lottery ticket, so what do I have to lose?

So much for now and thanks for hanging in with me.
GeneL



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Janit
Date: September 08, 2019 07:15AM
Quote
GeneL
When I asked him why he was so angry with me, one of the reasons was that he had chosen to stay overnight at one of his high school friends house. In the morning when he got up he walked out to the living room and found that they were filming a porno there!
He blames me for allowing him to stay there, saying that I should have checked the people out??? Mind you, this was before the internet took off, so how was I supposed to "check them out?" As far fetched as it may sound, he is still blaming me instead of himself for putting him in that situation.
Whatever his reasons, he has cut himself and my grandchildren off from me, so I have no relatives for support here in California.

It is the people who were filming the porn who were to blame for the situation, not you and not your son either. None of us has ESP, and there is a limit to what any of us can infer about the secrets other people keep from us. Perhaps it was the arguing over blame that caused the rift as much as the original events themselves. It is very difficult for all of us to cope with the fact that many things are beyond anyone's control. It is often more satisfying in the short term to find someone to blame, even if that interferes with a long term solution.

Your son was clearly distressed by finding himself in an alarming and perhaps frightening situation, and that memory has stayed with him, as such memories often do. Perhaps a conversation with him about this distress would be helpful, as long as it doesn't deteriorate into a contest over blame.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 08, 2019 08:40AM
Dear Janit, your response as always, reflect your considered thoughts about the "human condition." Unfortunately, my son has shown less and less inclination to discuss "feelings" and cuts me off because whatever I am saying, it's not what he wants to hear. If I raise my voice a bit in frustration he accuses me of yelling at him. He also accuses me of trying to make him feel guilty. I pondered this recently and the conclusion that I came to is that it's not me wanting to make him feel guilty, but rather his own sense of guilt that causes his reaction. I don't want to make him feel guilty. I just want him to think about why he wants to blame me for whatever is bothering him and to let go of it. That is obviously not going to happen. I just can't figure out how we came from a loving relationship to not even being able to have a conversation about what is bothering him. I have tried to wrap my mind around his reaction to me and all that I can come up with is tied to his seemingly fanatical adoption of becoming a Christian and to his wife and her family?
As things stand, I don't have any optimizm about getting through to him. It makes me so sad. I only know that I would like him to give me the same kind of love and support that I have given him in the past. I sure could use it now.
Oh well, life goes on... sigh!



gl @ Dana Point, CA



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2019 08:45AM by GeneL.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Markintosh
Date: September 08, 2019 10:45AM
Quote
GeneL
because whatever I am saying, it's not what he wants to hear.

That seems to run in the family Gene. Many of us have been making suggestions and clues about how to move forward, but the only thing you want to hear is how to move back to where you were...back with Mavis, back to the swap meet life...back to your comfortable place. Unfortunately, we all have to keep moving forward. Most of us have been going through the aging parent thing, and we know this is true.

I've been in northern San Diego county a couple of times in the last couple of weeks supporting my own father, who just turned 84. He suffers from Type 2 Diabetes, mid-stage dementia, neuropathy, and most recently atrial fibrillation. He dearly wants to get back to his old life of technical writing, driving wherever he wants to go, eating hot dogs at Padre games and traveling the world. It's all he talks about. It's just not possible though. As caregivers and supporters, the best we can do is help people peacefully move forward and enjoy the life that they have, right at that moment, the best they can.

Move forward Gene. Stop looking backward. Enjoy that you CAN get out of a nursing facility, because many can't. Enjoy that you have a ride to dialysis, even if it is late, because the alternative of no dialysis is so much worse.

That signature quote that I have been rocking here for about 5 years is tattooed right on my right calf. Move forward positively Gene.



“Live your life, love your life, don’t regret…live, learn and move forward positively.” – CR Johnson
Loving life in Lake Tahoe, CA



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2019 10:46AM by Markintosh.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: September 08, 2019 10:53AM
Markintosh, thumbs way up for that. Gene, don't be afraid, new adventures await, even if you have new health concerns to deal with. And perhaps you can change the outcome in the near term. It would be great if you used your talent for the written word on articles for the local paper or simply for a blog geared towards your hobbies, or even your tribulations.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Janit
Date: September 08, 2019 12:40PM
Markintosh -- telling someone that they should enjoy what they have when they are struggling with a deeply stressful situation is rarely helpful. They KNOW they should, but nevertheless they CAN'T. And the realization that they can't simply "look on the bright side" just ends up making them feel worse.

Yes, looking forward is very useful, but HELPING someone to look forward requires a much lighter touch.

The remark that "it seems to run in the family" was unnecessarily mean. You may not think so, but it was.

If you are finding the situation with your father so difficult, it might be a good idea to look for some support for yourself as well.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2019 12:44PM by Janit.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: September 08, 2019 06:03PM
Quote
Janit
The remark that "it seems to run in the family" was unnecessarily mean. You may not think so, but it was.

I’m going to begin by standing in Markintosh’s corner, and disagree with that assessment. Even more to the point, his remark, at this point, only really scratches the surface of the elephant in the room.

Gene, we’re hundreds of posts in. Most, if not all of them, have been thoughtful, well meaning and carefully considered. But there is an elephant in the room. Maybe two or three.

If I were to take the ‘view from 30,000 feet’, no judgements, only observations, there are a few things that stand out. Needless to say, this is my view, and only my view, as far as I know.

First, from what’s been related to us, there are places where 1+1 do not seem to add up to 2. Beyond that, there are one or two places that, to be frank, as they stand, have some trouble passing the sniff test, at least for me.

But, those things are beyond parsing, or even explaining, in a setting like this. Far more important is mileage. Wear and tear.

You’ve covered even more terrain than me, Gene, and the journey takes its toll on us all. The brakes can start to squeak, the wheels get out of align, the gears don’t shift quite as well as they used to, the steering gets a little sloppy. We get a little broken. We just have to pop the hood and get the work done.

You need help in some ways we can’t give, as much as we’d like to. The man in the mirror needs seeing to. You’re strong enough. You’re brave enough. Keeping taking those small steps, but ultimately the biggest job, as it probably is for all of us, will be getting your internal house in order. Therapy, spiritual counseling, different strokes for different folks, but that’s going to be the real key to winning the war, I’d bet dollars to donuts.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2019 06:07PM by Blankity Blank.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Yoyodyne ArtWorks
Date: September 08, 2019 06:58PM
Like Willy the Shake sez, “I must be cruel, only to be kind.”



Once we place nonhuman animals outside our sphere of moral consideration
and treat them as things we use to satisfy our own desires,
the outcome is predictable.

- Peter Singer
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Markintosh
Date: September 08, 2019 08:43PM
Quote
Janit
If you are finding the situation with your father so difficult, it might be a good idea to look for some support for yourself as well.

Thanks for being so judgmental Janit. Caring for our adult parents is always a challenge. Over the last 4 years, I've lost my step father to a stroke, my mother in law to cancer and continue to support my separated mother and father with their various health issues. The dementia my father is experiencing is the biggest challenges as my step mother refuses to believe there is anything wrong.

Fortunately, I had been looking ahead and figured out how to take early retirement from my teaching career at 55 so I could fully apply myself to family needs the best I can.

I'm fine Janit.



“Live your life, love your life, don’t regret…live, learn and move forward positively.” – CR Johnson
Loving life in Lake Tahoe, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 09, 2019 12:00AM
I hate that the thread has degraded into conflicts, as if I don't have enough to bring me down.
The most difficult issue for me to deal with has been that I have defined my life around "loving" Mavis. This has been a constant for me for a very long time, but I have come to see that Mavis defines her love for me in very different terms.
It will be hard for me to distance my feelings for Mavis and to find a way not to sink into a deep depression.
I'm sad that no one has been willing to carry on a phone conversation with me. I had felt that this would help fill the void that will be left as I move away from making Mavis the center of my life.
I just pray that my health can improve so I can start doing things to convert my "stuff" into cash. That would be a way to start building a new scenario for myself.
Is anybody there?



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: rz
Date: September 09, 2019 06:56AM
Quote
Blankity Blank
Quote
Janit
The remark that "it seems to run in the family" was unnecessarily mean. You may not think so, but it was.

I’m going to begin by standing in Markintosh’s corner, and disagree with that assessment. Even more to the point, his remark, at this point, only really scratches the surface of the elephant in the room.

Gene, we’re hundreds of posts in. Most, if not all of them, have been thoughtful, well meaning and carefully considered. But there is an elephant in the room. Maybe two or three.

If I were to take the ‘view from 30,000 feet’, no judgements, only observations, there are a few things that stand out. Needless to say, this is my view, and only my view, as far as I know.

First, from what’s been related to us, there are places where 1+1 do not seem to add up to 2. Beyond that, there are one or two places that, to be frank, as they stand, have some trouble passing the sniff test, at least for me.

But, those things are beyond parsing, or even explaining, in a setting like this. Far more important is mileage. Wear and tear.

You’ve covered even more terrain than me, Gene, and the journey takes its toll on us all. The brakes can start to squeak, the wheels get out of align, the gears don’t shift quite as well as they used to, the steering gets a little sloppy. We get a little broken. We just have to pop the hood and get the work done.

You need help in some ways we can’t give, as much as we’d like to. The man in the mirror needs seeing to. You’re strong enough. You’re brave enough. Keeping taking those small steps, but ultimately the biggest job, as it probably is for all of us, will be getting your internal house in order. Therapy, spiritual counseling, different strokes for different folks, but that’s going to be the real key to winning the war, I’d bet dollars to donuts.

Well stated Blank.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: space-time
Date: September 09, 2019 09:01PM
Is anybody there?

yes, Gene, We are here. We spoke a few years ago. I am not sure if i still have your number, will try to call you in the weekend.

there are only 3 people I spoke to on this forum. One is Carnos Jax once when he called me to tell me about a deal. We were buying some FUJI UV dSLRs from Adorama on clearance for $600 and selling them on Amazon for $1600. I only managed to flip one, I think he flipped maybe 2.

The other person is Robert M when he bought an Obihai Ii VOIP device and he wanted to test it out. In fact Robert M is in Long Island and I am in NJ, but we never met. I told him if he is ever in central NJ to look me up. I sometimes go to Brooklyn, we have friends there, but usually it is for an event like Brithday party or Thanksgiving/Easter/Christmas and there is no time left to go to Long Island to meet with "strangers" (LOL)

You are the third person that I spoke to. I don't recall speaking with anyone else, although I did have some deals with other people on the forum, but I never spoke to any of them.

Anyway, this is just some random thoughts to show that we are there, listening to you, and yes, I'll try to call you in the weekend. I will PM you my number, so feel free to call me, but please take into account the time zone, I am on the East coast, 3 hours ahead of you, so please don't call me later than 10 PM and no earlier than 8 AM. Thanks
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 09, 2019 09:40PM
Thanks, space-time.
I just had one of the worst days in my life.
I got a call from the social worker that they would be discharging me on Tuesday. This news requires me to pull all of my things together and put them back in the boxes that they were in when I was moved from my previous nursing facility. to where I am now.
What makes this so particularly tough for me is that I was up most of the night. Even though my oxygen saturation was in the mid '90s, I felt like I was sufficating.
It seems to me that it's a problem with my heart due to congestive heart failure.
Anyway, no sleep plus having to prepare myself for the move to a tiny room was just more than my brain and body could handle.
Oh yes, I had dialysis today on top of everything else.

The end...



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: decay
Date: September 14, 2019 09:49PM
Hi @GeneL



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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 14, 2019 10:17PM
Hi, decay! It's been a while?
How are you doing?



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: decay
Date: September 16, 2019 01:43PM
Quote
GeneL
Hi, decay! It's been a while?
How are you doing?

Doing OK, thanks. Some changes going on at work, mostly with regards to time sheets and tracking - yay, busy work!

Getting a car for our daughter, who is learning to drive. It's diesel Benz that can also run off waste veggie oil (WVO), which she's excited about.



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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: M A V I C
Date: September 18, 2019 07:53PM
Hi Gene. Still thinking of you.




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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: September 18, 2019 07:56PM
Vegetable oil?!!!



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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