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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: bazookaman
Date: August 25, 2019 03:06PM
Not piling on. Just think it’s super strange.




__________________________________
Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 25, 2019 03:39PM
I had thought that I clarified the situation previously.
When I met Mavis she was living "separately" in a house that she and her husband owned together. Each had their own lives and Mavis told me that they were legally separated.
They didn't divorce due to the financial loss that would occur to their shared assets.
Neither of them felt a need to divorce.
When I met Mavis 33 years ago she seemed unencumbered by her marital state, so we dated for a short time and she ended up moving in with me in the beautiful apartment that I had in an historical villa on the ocean in Laguna Beach. We have been together ever since.
As far as her daughter, it seems that her agenda is to isolate her mom so she can have her declared Incompetent and then to take over the family trust that Mavis and her husband have set up. That's why Mavis is frightened. The daughter has already lied about her mental health and somehow gotten Mavis' doctors to perform a CT scan of her brain. Fortunately, there were no negative indications, but the fact that it happened showed Mavis that her daughter would lie to accomplish her agenda. That's the reason why she is afraid to confront her daughter about me. She is terrified about what the daughter might do.
I have suggested that we find a really good attorney that could advise her and perhaps get a restraining order against the daughter. Mavis is just too fragile to consider that solution at this point.
And so...
... here I am having to find a place to live for now.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Janit
Date: August 25, 2019 03:58PM
Quote
GeneL
I had thought that I clarified the situation previously.
When I met Mavis she was living "separately" in a house that she and her husband owned together. Each had their own lives and Mavis told me that they were legally separated.
They didn't divorce due to the financial loss that would occur to their shared assets.
Neither of them felt a need to divorce.
When I met Mavis 33 years ago she seemed unencumbered by her marital state, so we dated for a short time and she ended up moving in with me in the beautiful apartment that I had in an historical villa on the ocean in Laguna Beach. We have been together ever since.
As far as her daughter, it seems that her agenda is to isolate her mom so she can have her declared Incompetent and then to take over the family trust that Mavis and her husband have set up. That's why Mavis is frightened. The daughter has already lied about her mental health and somehow gotten Mavis' doctors to perform a CT scan of her brain. Fortunately, there were no negative indications, but the fact that it happened showed Mavis that her daughter would lie to accomplish her agenda. That's the reason why she is afraid to confront her daughter about me. She is terrified about what the daughter might do.
I have suggested that we find a really good attorney that could advise her and perhaps get a restraining order against the daughter. Mavis is just too fragile to consider that solution at this point.
And so...
... here I am having to find a place to live for now.


Gene -- you might say to Mavis that it is worth consulting a lawyer without telling the daughter that you are doing so. It is perfectly possible to do this for the purpose of gathering information. A decision to act on the information or not to act would come later. Maybe the lawyer will have suggestions for other solutions that would not be so scary to Mavis.

What kind of trust is it? Who controls the trust? Where is the husband now? Is there already a lawyer involved with this trust? Are the financial consequences of divorce still problematic?

The structure of the trust will indicate whether there is anything to fear regarding the daughter.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: bazookaman
Date: August 25, 2019 04:03PM
Clarified yes.

Clarification doesn't make it any less strange. If you two were married, ALL of this would be a non-issue.




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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Buzz
Date: August 25, 2019 04:05PM
Quote
bazookaman
Clarified yes.

Clarification doesn't make it any less strange. If you two were married, ALL of this would be a non-issue.


Except that the "non=issue" would be bigamy....
==
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: bazookaman
Date: August 25, 2019 04:16PM
Quote
Buzz
Quote
bazookaman
Clarified yes.

Clarification doesn't make it any less strange. If you two were married, ALL of this would be a non-issue.


Except that the "non=issue" would be bigamy....
==

Well I meant that if she were divorced first. THEN they were married.




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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Janit
Date: August 25, 2019 04:24PM
Is the husband still alive?
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 25, 2019 04:34PM
Thanks folks, but divorce at this point isn't really an option.
I strongly feel that the only sensible option would be to find a knowledgeable attorney who could advise Mavis on her best options and take her through whatever she has to do.
The issue with that is she fears that any move like this will precipitate something horrible on the part of her daughter.
Her capacity to deal with all this is diminished, not by her brain, but by her emotional state which at 88 years old is somewhat frail.
So you can see what I'm up against, can't you?



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Blankity Blank
Date: August 25, 2019 04:43PM
Edit: Comment reconsidered. Perhaps unwarranted.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: deckeda
Date: August 25, 2019 07:25PM
Quote
space-time
Quote
deckeda
Quote
GeneL
Actually I'm not allowed to come back to live....

Actually it's s-t's misunderstanding that "she is not allowed" I responded to.

What misunderstanding???

He is not allowed into the house.

She is not allowed to let him live there.

Those two sentences are pretty much equivalent.

Please clarify what was Wholly incorrect.

Thanks

Mavis owns the place/pays the rent/whatever. It's HER decision (although likely coerced) not to allow Gene to live there. That's what started this thread.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: decay
Date: August 25, 2019 07:27PM
I am trying to understand what legal right the daughter has to demand her mother disallow Gene from living there?



---
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Bernie
Date: August 25, 2019 07:33PM
Quote
Janit
Is the husband still alive?

What is the Daughters sudden interest in Mom and does Dad know what is going on?




Staunton, Virginia
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: space-time
Date: August 25, 2019 08:13PM
Quote
deckeda
Quote
space-time
Quote
deckeda
Quote
GeneL
Actually I'm not allowed to come back to live....

Actually it's s-t's misunderstanding that "she is not allowed" I responded to.

What misunderstanding???

He is not allowed into the house.

She is not allowed to let him live there.

Those two sentences are pretty much equivalent.

Please clarify what was Wholly incorrect.

Thanks

Mavis owns the place/pays the rent/whatever. It's HER decision (although likely coerced) not to allow Gene to live there. That's what started this thread.

True. Still not sure what prompted your reaction.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Sarcany
Date: August 25, 2019 08:29PM
If this is fundamentally about control of a trust, Mavis is very much in need of an attorney.

It may be that she can bring an impartial 3rd party into the trust while she retains her competency.

Maybe share the trust jointly with the 3rd party and modify the means of passing control to eliminate the possibility of the child/children taking control of it if she's declared incompetent.

This is a "get your butt moving on it" situation if her daughter has already taken such substantial steps to take control.



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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 25, 2019 10:03PM
Believe me Sarcany, that is exactly how I see it, but Mavis has refused to do anything to protect herself.
She has a picture of her daughter being triggered into her taking over if Mavis would do anything aggressive to offend or limit her daughter.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Markintosh
Date: August 25, 2019 10:03PM
My "never actually married to my mother" stepfather had a stroke at 82. His nieces immediate had him declared incompetent and took control of his trust and left him to die in a convalescent home. Fortunately my mother and I had been assigned as in charge of medical care decisions. We were able to get him into appropriate treatment, where he immediately was deemed capable of making decisions, and took the control of the trust. Under my mothers care he lived another 6 happy years.

Mavis should take action immediately!



“Live your life, love your life, don’t regret…live, learn and move forward positively.” – CR Johnson
Loving life in Lake Tahoe, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 25, 2019 10:08PM
Wow, Markintosh!
I just would be so happy if a story like yours could motivate Mavis.
Unfortunately, at any mention of some kind of action, Mavis becomes hysterical. She is just so fearful of her daughter.



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: deckeda
Date: August 25, 2019 10:30PM
Quote
space-time
Quote
deckeda
Quote
space-time
Quote
deckeda
Quote
GeneL
Actually I'm not allowed to come back to live....

Actually it's s-t's misunderstanding that "she is not allowed" I responded to.

What misunderstanding???

He is not allowed into the house.

She is not allowed to let him live there.

Those two sentences are pretty much equivalent.

Please clarify what was Wholly incorrect.

Thanks

Mavis owns the place/pays the rent/whatever. It's HER decision (although likely coerced) not to allow Gene to live there. That's what started this thread.

True. Still not sure what prompted your reaction.

My objection is to the claim or belief that Mavis is being kept from making her own decisions. Unless there’s a legal reason here, she remains free to do so. She is “allowed” to do anything she pleases.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Janit
Date: August 25, 2019 10:36PM
Quote
GeneL
Wow, Markintosh!
I just would be so happy if a story like yours could motivate Mavis.
Unfortunately, at any mention of some kind of action, Mavis becomes hysterical. She is just so fearful of her daughter.

Do you know anything about the details of the trust? Are there papers in the house about the trust? Does Mavis have a medical Proxy? Would she be willing to make you medical proxy? If she does, that would go a long way to protect her from her daughter.

You need to be calm when you talk to her about this -- very difficult, I know, given your own situation, but arguing will just upset her more. Reach into yourself for calmness, and for your most logical and kind self.

Recalibrate and start small. Better to say to her she is right to worry about what her daughter will do. That's why it's a good idea to talk to a lawyer just to get information to understand the situation. She doesn't need to tell her daughter she is talking to a lawyer. After talking to a lawyer, it will become more clear what is the wisest way to address her daughter's behavior. She is not required to take the lawyer's advice, but she can listen and then decide for herself.

You need to push without pushing.

It seems very much like the daughter wants you out of the house so that you are not there to interfere with her plan to take over the trust.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 08/25/2019 10:43PM by Janit.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Diana
Date: August 25, 2019 10:42PM
Gene,

A few questions/things to think about:

As Sarcany and others ask: Who controls the trust? Alternatively, HOW is control of the trust set up? Additionally, how is the trust itself set up?

If the daughter has control, then she has control over who lives on the trust (obviously). She has no control over who her mother sees, and she can enforce whatever she thinks she can get away with. In this scenario, I would think that Mavis could live on the trust to the end of her days, and there is very little you can do here. I don't think this scenario is entirely true; I don't think the daughter has control of the trust..

HOWEVER, if it is the husband/Mavis, then Sarcany is one-hundred percent correct here. The daughter appears to be trying to have Mavis declared incompetent, and thus the daughter would get control of the money. If Mavis controls the monies, then she can tell the daughter to *stuff it*. If you are a "kept man" and your expenses are coming from Mavis' portion of the trust, then again, she can tell the daughter to *stuff it*. If the remainder of the monies and properties are what actually is the "trust" after Mavis dies, then yes, I can see the daughter trying to shove you out the door, and thereby keeping as much money as possible.

a. From the prior discussion, the husband is not even in the picture! As Janit asked: Is he alive, is he competent, does he even know what is going on? A discussion with HIM about how this is affecting Mavis (not necessarily about how you are affected) would be in order. If he cares, he would step in and put a stop to this. If he is incompetent for whatever reason (dementia, Alzheimer's, etc), then someone else (probably you) will need to step in. The lack of mention of the father/husband's opinion leads me to think that he may be unfortunately incompetent, since the daughter would assume control of the trust if Mavis is found incompetent.

b. What's the all-fired big hurry? After all, how much longer can one reasonably expect an 88 year old person to live (sorry about how this sounds sad smiley ) and the daughter can *cough-cough* *freaking* wait!!

c. Is the house a part of the trust? If Mavis owns the place and it is not a part of the trust, then the daughter has no say over who Mavis allows to live with her. If Mavis is paying your health bills, then the daughter's complaints about you fall right in line with the other things we know. If Mavis is NOT paying your health bills, then daughter has no say. Again, this depends on how the trust is set up. As Janit said: "The structure of the trust will indicate whether there is anything to fear regarding the daughter."

Now, this is my advice (for what it is worth):

This is bigger than you alone; you can find a place to live for a short time, and if Precious needs to stay with Mavis during this time, then so be it. After all, Mavis *might* need a support animal. You can always periodically (daily?) come back and see her, take care of her, and play with her. The bird, silly! You can always say that the place where you live will not allow you to keep pets, and as long as Mavis agrees to the arrangement, your periodic visits make sense to anyone who asks, particularly if you tell them that the place you are at is only temporary, and you are looking for someplace for both you and Precious. This will keep the daughter from freaking out, or at least it should.

Mavis needs help. If her husband cannot or will not help her, then it is up to you. Find the lawyer who set up the trust, or if that person cannot be found, then find her a lawyer who specializes in trusts. If she won't go see him because she is afraid of the daughter, then set up a meeting with him at whatever place he is willing to meet with Mavis. She doesn't have to meet in the lawyer's office, and the daughter does not have to know anything about it, especially if this is a "what rights do I have" kind of thing. This is easier done without the daughter's knowledge than you may think. And yes, Mavis needs to talk to him because this fight is all about Mavis, her daughter, and the trust. For the lawyer to speak to you concerning anything about his client, the client (Mavis) will have to explicitly tell him that he has permission. If Mavis tells him that she doesn't want him to even acknowledge that he's Mavis' attorney if the daughter asks, then he won't.

Do you know anyone who works in the field of law? Do you know anyone who works in a company that may have need of a lawyer, and thus may have a lawyer on staff or on retainer? DOES ANYONE HERE KNOW A LAWYER OR CAN CONTACT SOMEONE IN CALIFORNIA TO GET THE BALL ROLLING??? (sorry to yell). Referrals are a good thing, and if you need multiple referrals to finally get someone who will take this on, then again, so be it. Short story: my mom needed a lawyer to deal with the results of a car wreck when she was a passenger. The person at fault had insurance and took blame for the accident, but their insurance company did not want to pay her bills, and kept stalling. I talked to the corporate lawyer at work, explained that I know this isn't his area of specialty, but if he could refer me to someone I would be grateful. That referral sent me to another referral, and now Mom has a lawyer, and we haven't heard anything more from the bill collectors.

Help Mavis. Help her help herself. As Sarcany said, this is a "get your butt moving on it" situation. The longer it takes, the harder it will be to get her the help she needs. The daughter is a bully, and has her mother so frightened of what the future will hold for her that she has effectively shut her mother down. Help Mavis to fight back, and sometimes that means that you may do something that the person you love most may hate you for it, but it is the right thing to do. Be strong, Gene. Mavis needs you.

Diana

PS. If any language I have used upsets anyone, I apologize, but bullying helpless individuals really pisses me off.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Diana
Date: August 25, 2019 10:55PM
Janit,

I just saw your post. A Medical Power of Attorney gives a another party, at the choosing of the person who is signing the medical POA (the first party), the right and power to act as the proxy for them in the event that they are either temporarily or permanently incapacitated. It only is in effect while the individual is incapacitated, and does not give the chosen person the ability to do anything unless and until that event happens. I hold one for my mom. If Mom decides to tear it up and go without one or assign someone else to it, then I am legally obligated to accept her decision. She can change it at any time.

So, does Mavis have one, and who holds it if she does? If it was ever drawn up, Mavis should have a copy of it at the house. And yes, it would go a very long way to protect her from her daughter.

Quote
Janit
Quote
GeneL
Wow, Markintosh!
I just would be so happy if a story like yours could motivate Mavis.
Unfortunately, at any mention of some kind of action, Mavis becomes hysterical. She is just so fearful of her daughter.

Do you know anything about the details of the trust? Are there papers in the house about the trust? Does Mavis have a medical Proxy? Would she be willing to make you medical proxy? If she does, that would go a long way to protect her from her daughter.

You need to be calm when you talk to her about this -- very difficult, I know, given your own situation, but arguing will just upset her more. Reach into yourself for calmness, and for your most logical and kind self.

Recalibrate and start small. Better to say to her she is right to worry about what her daughter will do. That's why it's a good idea to talk to a lawyer just to get information to understand the situation. She doesn't need to tell her daughter she is talking to a lawyer. After talking to a lawyer, it will become more clear what is the wisest way to address her daughter's behavior. She is not required to take the lawyer's advice, but she can listen and then decide for herself.

You need to push without pushing.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: testcase
Date: August 25, 2019 11:15PM
"I am trying to understand what legal right the daughter has to demand her mother disallow Gene from living there?"


You forgot (or simply don't understand) that the "Left Coast" is the land of MANY fruits & nuts. Up is down and down is sideways. The government knows what's best for everybody (but themselves, of course) and, "common sense" ceased being common a long time ago. It appears that Mavis' daughter is not above lying and, cajoling others to aid and abet her in her attempts to gain control over mommy's money. I expect that the daughter is VERY proficient at appearing to be a caring daughter. As I've already said, Mavis NEEDS a lawyer who is working for HER. Until that happens, I expect GeneL (and those here who care about what happens to him) will keep spinning wheels until Mavis takes POSITIVE action to wrest control of her life away from what we all suspect is a diabolical daughter. Keep in mind; NONE of us here have "boots on the ground" in this matter. There IS a possibility that the daughter might not be the money grubbing relative most of us suspect she is (but, I do think that is not the case here).
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Janit
Date: August 25, 2019 11:29PM
Quote
testcase
"I am trying to understand what legal right the daughter has to demand her mother disallow Gene from living there?"


You forgot (or simply don't understand) that the "Left Coast" is the land of MANY fruits & nuts. Up is down and down is sideways. The government knows what's best for everybody (but themselves, of course) and, "common sense" ceased being common a long time ago. It appears that Mavis' daughter is not above lying and, cajoling others to aid and abet her in her attempts to gain control over mommy's money. I expect that the daughter is VERY proficient at appearing to be a caring daughter. As I've already said, Mavis NEEDS a lawyer who is working for HER. Until that happens, I expect GeneL (and those here who care about what happens to him) will keep spinning wheels until Mavis takes POSITIVE action to wrest control of her life away from what we all suspect is a diabolical daughter. Keep in mind; NONE of us here have "boots on the ground" in this matter. There IS a possibility that the daughter might not be the money grubbing relative most of us suspect she is (but, I do think that is not the case here).


1) Lack of legal standing rarely prevents emotional bullies from trying to manipulate people who are frightened of them. This is why there are lawyers.

2) The Left Coast has nothing to do with this. It happens everywhere.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: wave rider
Date: August 25, 2019 11:30PM
Gosh Gene, it sure sounds like Mavis’ daughter is committing elder abuse. That is against the law!

Elder Law advice, lawyer, social worker, law officer, something… Wish I had better answers.

What is separated husband’s status? Has daughter had him declared incompetent?



=wr=
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: $tevie
Date: August 25, 2019 11:42PM
Of the several friends I've had who separated and never divorced, two of them had to make the decision to "pull the plug" on their husbands because they were still married to them. Elderly people should not be married if their lives are totally separate. If anything happens to Mavis, you will have to stand by helplessly while her husband makes the important decisions. And vice versa. Both of my friends said had they realized this was going to happen, they would have divorced long before.

Maybe you and Mavis should have a private conversation about what exactly she plans to do about the fact that she is not immortal.



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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Buzz
Date: August 26, 2019 12:20AM
Quote
wave rider
Gosh Gene, it sure sounds like Mavis’ daughter is committing elder abuse. That is against the law!

Elder Law advice, lawyer, social worker, law officer, something… Wish I had better answers.

What is separated husband’s status? Has daughter had him declared incompetent?

If it bleeds, it leads. If not, pretty much no story out here. Investigator comes out, if no blood, major bruises, or apparent life-threatening injuries, nothing gets done. Bullying it seems, is condoned, until it gets physical. You need some major league advocacy in these parts to get any sort of help. Gene & Mavis both need some major league advocacy. Getting a competent lawyer is likely a good start. Until competent advocacy is in place, it's nothing but a giant circle jerk, with the biggest bully (Mavis' daughter) the odds on favorite to win.
==
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: wurm
Date: August 26, 2019 09:26AM
I'm intrigued (and upset) reading this thread. I'm on the opposite coast, but I know that here in MA, there are numerous resources that could be put to use. I can't imagine it's that different in CA. I know many people here have suggested similar things, but I just wanted to add some info. I'd start with with the California AG's office.

[www.cdss.ca.gov]

[www.google.com]

Good luck.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: decay
Date: August 26, 2019 09:35AM
Quote
Janit
Quote
testcase
"I am trying to understand what legal right the daughter has to demand her mother disallow Gene from living there?"


You forgot (or simply don't understand) that the "Left Coast" is the land of MANY fruits & nuts. Up is down and down is sideways. The government knows what's best for everybody (but themselves, of course) and, "common sense" ceased being common a long time ago. It appears that Mavis' daughter is not above lying and, cajoling others to aid and abet her in her attempts to gain control over mommy's money. I expect that the daughter is VERY proficient at appearing to be a caring daughter. As I've already said, Mavis NEEDS a lawyer who is working for HER. Until that happens, I expect GeneL (and those here who care about what happens to him) will keep spinning wheels until Mavis takes POSITIVE action to wrest control of her life away from what we all suspect is a diabolical daughter. Keep in mind; NONE of us here have "boots on the ground" in this matter. There IS a possibility that the daughter might not be the money grubbing relative most of us suspect she is (but, I do think that is not the case here).


1) Lack of legal standing rarely prevents emotional bullies from trying to manipulate people who are frightened of them. This is why there are lawyers.

2) The Left Coast has nothing to do with this. It happens everywhere.

Thank you.



---
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: space-time
Date: August 26, 2019 12:15PM
She is “allowed” to do anything she pleases.

The way I understand it, if she lets him come back and live there, she loses the rights to see her grandchildren and it appears there are further threats.

if you ask a lawyer, sure she is "allowed" to do anything she pleases.

if you ask GeneL, or her, or her daughter, she is not really allowed to do anything she pleases.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: rgG
Date: August 26, 2019 12:27PM
Quote
space-time
She is “allowed” to do anything she pleases.

The way I understand it, if she lets him come back and live there, she loses the rights to see her grandchildren and it appears there are further threats.

if you ask a lawyer, sure she is "allowed" to do anything she pleases.

if you ask GeneL, or her, or her daughter, she is not really allowed to do anything she pleases.

The weird thing to me is that Mavis’s grandchildren are adults with kids of their own. How does the daughter have control over who her adult children see?
There must be so much more to this than we can ever know.
Hopefully things work out or work out well enough.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mikebw
Date: August 26, 2019 12:37PM
Quote
rgG
The weird thing to me is that Mavis’s grandchildren are adults with kids of their own. How does the daughter have control over who her adult children see?

Do we know that for a fact? I mean, given the ages in play here it is possible. With Mavis being 88, her kids could be anywhere from 30-60 ish, so maybe the grandkids are from teenagers up to 40s?
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: deckeda
Date: August 26, 2019 01:32PM
Quote
space-time
... if you ask GeneL, or her, or her daughter, she is not really allowed to do anything she pleases.

That would be why I also noted the coercion.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Janit
Date: August 26, 2019 02:01PM
Quote
mikebw
Quote
rgG
The weird thing to me is that Mavis’s grandchildren are adults with kids of their own. How does the daughter have control over who her adult children see?

Do we know that for a fact? I mean, given the ages in play here it is possible. With Mavis being 88, her kids could be anywhere from 30-60 ish, so maybe the grandkids are from teenagers up to 40s?

The grandchildren are old enough to have children of their own. The daughter is threatening to cut off access to grandchildren AND great-grandchildren. This is stated in the original post. Either the daughter is bluffing, or her own children are terrified of her as well.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/26/2019 02:05PM by Janit.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Robert M
Date: August 26, 2019 02:56PM
Gene,

Sorry I haven't posted to this thread until now. I've read through everything and Mavis needs to speak with an attorney immediately. doesn't matter how she is feeling physically and/or emotionally. You _have_ to find a way to broach it with her. Mavis's ability to live her own life has already been compromised by her daughter and I bet it's only going to get worse. That's not even factoring how this situation has impacted you.

If you (or Mavis) can't afford an attorney, it might be worth contacting local law schools about pro bono work. Same goes for the CA bar. They might be able to help you find someone who can help you _and_ Mavis.

Also, have you contacted Eldercare? I found it via an Ask Amy column. Sounds like they might be a good source of info.

[eldercare.acl.gov]

If not, give them a call for yourself _and_ Mavis.

To me it sounds like you're ready to give up on yourself and Mavis. That's not the GeneL I've gotten to know in the forum. I think once you make a little bit of progress in resolving your situation, that success will inspire you to keep moving forward in a positive direction. Wish I could do more unfortunately that link is all that I can offer.

Robert
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: August 26, 2019 03:42PM
Quote
rgG

The weird thing to me is that Mavis’s grandchildren are adults with kids of their own. How does the daughter have control over who her adult children see?
There must be so much more to this than we can ever know.
Hopefully things work out or work out well enough.

My thoughts exactly. We're hearing one perspective on this whole spectacle. I would like to hear more sides to this saga. Too bad Mavis and the evil daughter aren't active on the MRF.



Mr. Lahey: A lot of people, don’t know how to drink. They drink against the grain of the liquor. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor? You lose.

Randy: What the @#$%& are you talking about?
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Buzz
Date: August 26, 2019 03:46PM
OK, time to be perfectly blunt. When I said, "You need some major league advocacy in these parts to get any sort of help. Gene & Mavis both need some major league advocacy. Getting a competent lawyer is likely a good start. Until competent advocacy is in place, it's nothing but a giant circle jerk, with the biggest bully (Mavis' daughter) the odds on favorite to win. "

In California's populous counties that means Mavis (perhaps with Gene's help) needs to get a bigger bully, or bullies, than Mavis's daughter, and he/she/they need(s) to out bully the current biggest bully in the game, which is Mavis's daughter. Unless, and until that happens, Mavis's daughter remains the biggest bully in the game, and she will win.
==
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Yoyodyne ArtWorks
Date: August 26, 2019 03:59PM
One possible interpretation of the overall situation: Mavis and her husband want the property to pass unencumbered to Mavis’s daughter upon Mavis’s and the husband’s passing. That’s why Mavis has never allowed Gene to contribute any money toward the cost of the condo. The daughter is ratcheting up the certainty of no claims from Gene by compelling Mavis to now bar Gene from the property altogether.

Possible solution? Gene signs a formal renter’s agreement with Mavis, clearly showing he is a renter only and has ZERO claim on the property should she pass away before him.

Will she (and her daughter) go for it? Maybe, if the rental income from Gene is enough to significantly help Mavis out financially.

Edit: Yikes, lots of typos in here!



Once we place nonhuman animals outside our sphere of moral consideration
and treat them as things we use to satisfy our own desires,
the outcome is predictable.

- Peter Singer



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2019 07:51AM by Yoyodyne ArtWorks.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: rgG
Date: August 26, 2019 05:09PM
Quote
Yoyodyne ArtWorks
One possible interpretation of the overall situation: Mavis and her husband want the property to pass unencumbered to Mavis’s daughter upon Mavis’s and the husband’s passing. That’s why Mavis has never allowed a Gene to contribute any moneys toward the cost of the condo. The daughter is ratcheting up the certainty of no claims from Gene by compelling Mavis to now bar Gene from the property altogether.

Possible solution? Gene signs a formal renter’s agreement with Mavis, clearly showing he is a renter only and has ZERO claim on the property should she pass away before him.

Will she (and her daughter) go for it? Maybe, if the rental income from Gene is enough to significantly help Mavis out financially.

This sounds like a possible plan, at least from what we know, and if the daughter is doing this because of money and not some other reason we are not aware of.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Sarcany
Date: August 26, 2019 06:46PM
Quote
rgG
Quote
Yoyodyne ArtWorks
One possible interpretation of the overall situation: Mavis and her husband want the property to pass unencumbered to Mavis’s daughter upon Mavis’s and the husband’s passing. That’s why Mavis has never allowed a Gene to contribute any moneys toward the cost of the condo. The daughter is ratcheting up the certainty of no claims from Gene by compelling Mavis to now bar Gene from the property altogether.

Possible solution? Gene signs a formal renter’s agreement with Mavis, clearly showing he is a renter only and has ZERO claim on the property should she pass away before him.

Will she (and her daughter) go for it? Maybe, if the rental income from Gene is enough to significantly help Mavis out financially.

This sounds like a possible plan, at least from what we know, and if the daughter is doing this because of money and not some other reason we are not aware of.

He could also sign a quitclaim foregoing any rights or title he may have against the property or trust, perhaps in exchange for a lifetime joint-tenancy in the home. (Assuming again that the daughter is after the trust.)

These are things to work out with an attorney.



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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: testcase
Date: August 26, 2019 09:55PM
Maybe GeneL could get "Vito & Clams" to visit Mavis' daughter.... baseball bat smiley eye rolling smiley
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: Buzz
Date: August 26, 2019 10:19PM
Quote
testcase
Maybe GeneL could get "Vito & Clams" to visit Mavis' daughter.... baseball bat smiley eye rolling smiley

They need a bigger bully than Mavis's daughter.... so if those shoes fit...
==
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: August 26, 2019 10:27PM
Gene needs to find a place of his own. Period. Anything else and this repeats at some future time. Gene, you can be happy again, and you have a bunch of living left to do. Start looking up and not down.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: DP
Date: August 30, 2019 08:19AM
Can we get an update?





Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: GeneL
Date: August 30, 2019 11:07AM
Yesterday two things happened.
Mavis called me all upset. When she went to get the WSJ which is delivered to our front door each morning, she found an envelope that contained a letter from her daughter.
The daughter apologized for her verbal attack and suggested that they work to have a better relationship.
Mavis expressed her feelings, saying that she didn't feel that she could trust her daughter.
I had, initially, taken the letter as a sign that Mavis could let me come home. Unfortunately, she felt that she couldn't trust the letter.
When I heard about the letter I had taken it as a sign that I wouldn't have to rent the room that very afternoon, but Mavis burst that bubble with ongoing distrust of her daughter.
That afternoon I took a Lyft over to see the room and it wasn't bad. I had been apprehensive about the size (10x10) thinking "prison cell" but it turned out to be quite pleasant. I will have to make the most of it.
My biggest concern right now is that I am not feeling very well. I just am keeping my fingers crossed that my health and my strength will improve over time.
On my way to dialysis right now, so consider this my update.
Thanks,
GeneL



gl @ Dana Point, CA
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: NewtonMP2100
Date: August 30, 2019 11:21AM
....hey, even the smallest bit of good news.....is good news......glad to hear something good......



____________________________________________________

I reject your reality and substitute my own!
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mikebw
Date: August 30, 2019 12:39PM
Sounds like progress to me, however small. Mavis seems to understand what we have all suspected for a while now, which might be the first step towards taking action. And Gene I am so glad the room is better than you thought!
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: rgG
Date: August 30, 2019 01:34PM
Glad the room exceeded expectations. Hope this is turn for the better.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: wave rider
Date: August 30, 2019 01:58PM
Fist pump for some good news Gene!



=wr=
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: DP
Date: August 30, 2019 02:00PM
Small steps right now... Your health is the most important!





Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
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Re: GeneL Needs Our Help!
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: August 30, 2019 03:23PM
Gene, can you get out to some events in your area that may bring up your spirit? How about hanging out at a dance to learn tango? Are you up for that? Can you make that work somehow?
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