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Friday Funnies
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: October 18, 2019 10:56AM
The oldest cowboy in Texas died this week at the age of 106. On his birthday he was asked his secret to longevity and he said that for the past 50 years he has sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning. He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.



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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: timg
Date: October 18, 2019 11:29AM
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

How do fish get high? SeaWeed!



Skill without imagination is craftsmanship. Imagination without skill is Modern Art.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: October 18, 2019 11:31AM
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.



In tha 360. MRF User Map
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: October 18, 2019 11:40AM
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them. The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for 1,000 cartons of cigarettes. At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific." They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I love it." They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"



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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: October 18, 2019 12:10PM
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...

But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

--------

Shout out to people who don't know the opposite of in

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A man is in an hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

‘Nurse’, he mumbles. ‘Are my testicles black?’ Nurse raise his gown, hold his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. She take a close look and says ‘there nothing wrong with them sir’.

Man pulls off the oxygen mask, smile at her and says very slowly, ‘ Thanks for that, it was lovely but listen very very carefully, ‘ are-my-tests-re-sults-back?’



Mr. Lahey: A lot of people, don’t know how to drink. They drink against the grain of the liquor. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor? You lose.

Randy: What the @#$%& are you talking about?
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: timg
Date: October 18, 2019 12:55PM
Why can't you trust atoms?

Because they MAKE UP EVERYTHING!



Skill without imagination is craftsmanship. Imagination without skill is Modern Art.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: space-time
Date: October 18, 2019 01:47PM
Quote
timg
Why can't you trust atoms?

Because they MAKE UP EVERYTHING!

Someone gave me a t-shirt with this.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: October 18, 2019 03:29PM
What did one eyeball say to the other?






Between you and me, something smells.



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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Drew
Date: October 19, 2019 06:54AM
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Steve G.
Date: October 19, 2019 01:37PM
I'll buy anything marked down. Last year I bought an escalator.




our thanks to henny youngman
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