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Friday Funnies
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: October 25, 2019 08:58AM
Last night a thief broke into my house and started looking for money so I woke up and joined him.



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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: October 25, 2019 09:15AM




In tha 360. MRF User Map
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Markintosh
Date: October 25, 2019 09:49AM




“Live your life, love your life, don’t regret…live, learn and move forward positively.” – CR Johnson
Loving life in Lake Tahoe, CA
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: testcase
Date: October 25, 2019 09:59AM
We don’t know if this is true, but here’s the claim: “My brother, tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, went to veterinarian school. His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was ‘No Matter What Happens – You Get Your Pet Back!’ “ eye rolling smiley
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: testcase
Date: October 25, 2019 10:00AM
A sea captain and his crew spotted a pirate ship approaching. The crew was worried, but the captain was calm. He yelled, “Bring me my red shirt!” The crew obliged, which he immediately put on and then led his crew to victory. Later, two more pirate ships approached. Again the captain asked for his red shirt with the same outcome. That night, the crew asked him, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt?” The captain explained, “If I’m wounded, the red shirt does not show blood, so you will continue to fight unafraid.” The next morning, the lookout screamed that 15 pirate ships were closing in. The crew waited for the captain’s command. Ever calm, he ordered, “Bring me my brown pants!” (rimshot)
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: October 25, 2019 10:07AM




Mr. Lahey: A lot of people, don’t know how to drink. They drink against the grain of the liquor. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor? You lose.

Randy: What the @#$%& are you talking about?
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: timg
Date: October 25, 2019 10:22AM
One day a school teacher sent her student home with a note for his mother.

The note read: “Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.”

The next day the student returned with a note from his mother to be handed back to the teacher. It read: “Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem.”


-------------------------------------

A man who is driving is stopped by a police officer. The man says: “What’s the problem, officer?”
The officer says: “You were going at least 75km/h in a 55km/h zone.”

“No sir, I was going 65.”

The man’s wife leans over and says: “Oh, Harry, you were going 80.”

The man gives his wife a dirty look. While the officer says: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken brake light.”
The man answers: “Broken brake light? I didn’t know about a broken brake light!”

Once again the man’s wife leans over and says: “Oh, Harry, you’ve known about that brake light for weeks.”

The man gives his wife another frustrated glare.

“I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt,” the officer says.
The man answers: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.”

“Oh, Harry, you never wear your seatbelt,” the wife says without a pause.

The man turns to his wife and yells: “Shut your mouth!”

The officer turns to the woman and asks: ‘Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”
The wife answers: “No, only when he’s been drinking!”



Skill without imagination is craftsmanship. Imagination without skill is Modern Art.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Dazed & Confused
Date: October 25, 2019 10:32AM
Eddie Murphy's Stand Up Comedy Routine, First Appearance on Johnny Carson Show January 1982

[www.youtube.com]

D & C
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: RAMd®d
Date: October 25, 2019 01:28PM
I dunno, I'd take a chance with boob money.




When a good man is hurt,
all who would be called good
must suffer with him.

You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead.

There is no safety for honest men except
by believing all possible evil of evil men.

We don’t do focus groups. They just ensure that you don’t offend anyone, and produce bland inoffensive products. —Sir Jonathan Ive

Perfection is the enemy of progress. -Winston Churchill

-An armed society is a polite society.
And hope is a lousy defense.

You make me pull, I'll put you down.

Mister, that's a ten-gallon hat on a twenty-gallon head.

I *love* SIGs. It's Glocks I hate.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: October 25, 2019 02:34PM
What do you get with a 20 foot tall cow?










Past-your-eyes Milk







Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2019 06:05PM by pRICE cUBE.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: artie67
Date: October 25, 2019 04:12PM
A cheap cow!
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: blooz
Date: October 25, 2019 09:50PM
Quote
Dazed & Confused
Eddie Murphy's Stand Up Comedy Routine, First Appearance on Johnny Carson Show January 1982

[www.youtube.com]

D & C

That was really good, and he didn't say "mothereffer" even once.



And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.
—Friedrich Nietzsche
Western Massachusetts
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Racer X
Date: October 26, 2019 01:03AM
Quote
pRICE cUBE
Last night a thief broke into my house and started looking for money so I woke up and joined him.

true story.

Someone broke into my old room mate's '76 Chrysler Cordoba, with an 8 track deck still. The car was tossed, and the thief left a note. "You have SH***Y taste in music!"

He still has the note.
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