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Friday Funnies
Posted by: Ammo
Date: January 31, 2020 12:32PM
Mother Superior calls all of the nuns together for a meeting. "Sisters," she says, "I just learned we have a case of ghonerea in the convent." After a moment of stunned silence, an old nun replies, "What a blessing! I am so tired of the Chablis."



Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. —Wendy Mass
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: cbelt3
Date: January 31, 2020 12:41PM
On that vein.. from 1970's catholic school.

Mother Superior calls the nuns together.
Sisters, I just found a used condom in the pastor's office !
(19 sisters gasp, one sister giggled)
It had a hole in it !
(19 sisters giggled, one sister gasped)

What's black and white, black and white, black and blue ?
A nun falling down stairs.
What's black and white and giggles ?
The nun that pushed her.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Steve G.
Date: January 31, 2020 12:49PM
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: pdq
Date: January 31, 2020 01:08PM
This struck me as funny this week:



...sometimes reaaaally slow.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: January 31, 2020 01:11PM




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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: January 31, 2020 01:14PM




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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: January 31, 2020 01:22PM
First guy: The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.


Second guy: That reminds me of what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.
He said, "wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?


Third guy: I remember what my grandfather said to me just before he died, "stop shaking the fricken' ladder!"


Fourth guy: My friend's grandfather wrote him a note before dying that he treasures a lot. Note says: "Get off my oxygen hose, you idiot!"



Mr. Lahey: A lot of people, don’t know how to drink. They drink against the grain of the liquor. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor? You lose.

Randy: What the @#$%& are you talking about?
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Steve G.
Date: January 31, 2020 01:27PM
Quote
Rick-o

Fourth guy: My friend's grandfather wrote him a note before dying that he treasures a lot. Note says: "Get off my oxygen hose, you idiot!"

Reminds me of an old radio DJ intro: "Love is like oxygen and you're stepping on my air hose."
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Bill in NC
Date: January 31, 2020 02:40PM
Quote
Rick-o
First guy: The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.


Second guy: That reminds me of what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.
He said, "wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?


Third guy: I remember what my grandfather said to me just before he died, "stop shaking the fricken' ladder!"


Fourth guy: My friend's grandfather wrote him a note before dying that he treasures a lot. Note says: "Get off my oxygen hose, you idiot!"

Reminds me of the old joke:

"I'd like to pass away peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.

Not screaming & crying like the passengers on his bus."
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: timg
Date: January 31, 2020 03:58PM
A Joke for statisticicans ...


The average person is really mean.

and one more:

There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through. One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable at his driving.

The colleague asked, “Why do you always drive so fast through intersections?”

To which the statistics teacher responded, “Well, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!”



Skill without imagination is craftsmanship. Imagination without skill is Modern Art.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2020 04:01PM by timg.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: January 31, 2020 04:12PM




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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Rolando
Date: February 01, 2020 03:31PM
Quote
pRICE cUBE

Whenever I see this one without the "Disney Acquire us..." I respond with this one. Always brings the SW fanboys blood to a boil...




San Antonio, TX (in the old city)


"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
“Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." - Eli Weisel

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." - Theodore Roosevelt (1918)

"I don’t want to see religious bigotry in any form. It would disturb me if there was a wedding between the religious fundamentalists and the political right. The hard right has no interest in religion except to manipulate it." - Billy Graham 1981

"Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise" - Barry Goldwater
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