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Friday Funnies
Posted by: testcase
Date: April 17, 2020 10:43AM
If they shut schools for much longer, parents are going to find a solution for the virus before the scientists.


John was feeling guilty, so he went to church for a confession. He went into the confessional and started, “Forgive me Father, I have sinned. I stole some wood from a construction site.” The priest on the other side of the screen responded, “Well what did you do with the lumber my son?”
“Well my son’s wheelchair ramp was broken so I fixed it.” The priest replied, “At least you did good with it.” John said, “Wait father, I had some wood left.” The priest asked, “What did you do with it?”
“My dog was cold so I built him a house.” Again the priest responded, “I guess you still did good with it.” Again, John stated, “Wait father, I had some wood left.” Again the priest asked, “What did you do with it?”
“My car was cold, so I built it a two-car garage to keep it warm.” The priest, becoming concerned, said, “That is a little out of hand...” But John interrupted, “But father, I still had a little wood left. My wife had always wanted a bigger house, so I built a second floor for our house.”
Exasperated, the priest replied, “Whoa! That's way too much! You are going to have to make a Novena for penance. Do you know how to make a Novena?” John replied, “No, but if you have the plans I still have plenty of wood.”



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2020 11:31AM by testcase.
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Re: Any Friday Funnies today?
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: April 17, 2020 10:48AM
A guy walks into a bar in one morning, and goes up to the bartender. "Do you guys have golden toilets?" he asks.

"What? Golden toilets? What are you talking about?"

"Look, last night I got pretty wasted but the one thing I can remember is peeing in a golden toilet."

Bartender says "OK, first, no we don't have golden toilets. Secondly, HEY MORTY, I FOUND THE GUY THAT PISSED IN YOUR TUBA!"



Mr. Lahey: A lot of people, don’t know how to drink. They drink against the grain of the liquor. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor? You lose.

Randy: What the @#$%& are you talking about?
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Re: Any Friday Funnies today?
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: April 17, 2020 10:57AM
Any Friday Funnies today?



It's Friday???



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Re: Any Friday Funnies today?
Posted by: timg
Date: April 17, 2020 11:17AM
Quote
pRICE cUBE
Any Friday Funnies today?



It's Friday???

That's Funny!



Skill without imagination is craftsmanship. Imagination without skill is Modern Art.
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Re: Any Friday Funnies today?
Posted by: RgrF
Date: April 17, 2020 11:23AM
Do you know how to make a Novena?” John replied, “No, but if you have the plans I still have plenty of wood.

This deserves a better wood ending!
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Re: Any Friday Funnies today?
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: April 17, 2020 11:25AM








Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2020 11:25AM by pRICE cUBE.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: April 17, 2020 11:43AM
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she will Let it go.



Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.



Q: Why did the belt get arrested? A: He held up a pair of pants.



Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark!



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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: voodoopenguin
Date: April 17, 2020 11:49AM
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.


I don’t like Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.


I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It wasn’t her main present, just a stocking filler.


I’ve just written a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a rap.


I gave my pet bird a haircut, and now he thinks he’s James Bond. He’s certainly a shorn canary.


Paul



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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: tenders
Date: April 17, 2020 12:33PM
> He’s certainly a shorn canary.

This would benefit from some explanation.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: rjmacs
Date: April 17, 2020 12:34PM
Quote
tenders
> He’s certainly a shorn canary.

This would benefit from some explanation.

It's an accent thing. Think of famous actors who have played the character.....



rj
AKA
Vreemac, Moth of the Future
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Buck
Date: April 17, 2020 12:52PM
Quote
rjmacs
Quote
tenders
> He’s certainly a shorn canary.

This would benefit from some explanation.

It's an accent thing. Think of famous actors who have played the character.....

smiley-laughing001
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: Ammo
Date: April 17, 2020 12:59PM
- deleted -



Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. —Wendy Mass

Until you make your unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. - Carl Jung



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/19/2020 12:42AM by Ammo.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: timg
Date: April 17, 2020 02:05PM




Skill without imagination is craftsmanship. Imagination without skill is Modern Art.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: timg
Date: April 17, 2020 02:18PM




Skill without imagination is craftsmanship. Imagination without skill is Modern Art.
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: testcase
Date: April 17, 2020 04:40PM
Quote
timg

How true...

ROTFL
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Re: Friday Funnies
Posted by: DeusxMac
Date: April 17, 2020 07:08PM
Quote
Ammo
Roy rushed out of the cabin to greet him, and the cowboy said, “Pardon me, Roy, is this the cat who chewed your new shoes?”

The historical reference (and not PC.)
[youtu.be]
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