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Ohio’s right-to-life crew enters alternate universe
Posted by: pdq
Date: November 29, 2019 08:27AM
To those who think we should accommodate these people to reach some magical consensus middle ground, any success just makes them even nuttier:

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A bill to ban abortion introduced in the Ohio state legislature requires doctors to “reimplant an ectopic pregnancy” into a woman’s uterus – a procedure that does not exist in medical science – or face charges of “abortion murder”.

The move comes amid a wave of increasingly severe anti-abortion bills introduced across much of the country as conservative Republican politicians seek to ban abortion and force a legal showdown on abortion with the supreme court.

Okay, somehow perform a medically impossible procedure or face murder charges. Got it. But there’s more in the bill:

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House Bill 413 bans abortion outright and defines a fertilized egg as an “unborn child”.

It also appears to punish doctors, women and children as young as 13 with “abortion murder” if they “perform or have an abortion”. This crime is punishable by life in prison. Another new crime, “aggravated abortion murder”, is punishable by death, according to the bill.

Okay, so one nutter wrote a wingnut fantasy bill, right? No rational legislator would actually support this, right?

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The bill is sponsored by representatives Candice Keller and Ron Hood, and co-sponsored by 19 members of Ohio’s 99-member House.

Right. As I said, no rational legislator would support this.

RollingEyesSmiley5
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Re: Ohio’s right-to-life crew enters alternate universe
Posted by: Steve G.
Date: November 29, 2019 09:24AM
It appears they are whipping themselves into some sort of frenzy before the big showdown in November 2020. (Or the coup against God's Chosen One, whichever comes first.)
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Re: Ohio’s right-to-life crew enters alternate universe
Posted by: Lux Interior
Date: November 29, 2019 10:12AM
The republican party is dying.

They need to get all the hardest-core, single-issue voters out to support them.
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Re: Ohio’s right-to-life crew enters alternate universe
Posted by: cbelt3
Date: November 29, 2019 12:22PM
What the literal hell ???? My wife had an ectopic pregnancy back in the late 90’s. Her tube ruptured and it damn near killed her. I spent a few hours threatening to sue the hell out of the ER until they agreed to do the necessary work.

Change the law so the fetus has to be implanted into the father instead. See how fast that fails.
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Re: Ohio’s right-to-life crew enters alternate universe
Posted by: pdq
Date: November 29, 2019 08:13PM
Quote
cbelt3
Change the law so the fetus has to be implanted into the father instead. See how fast that fails.

goodone
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Re: Ohio’s right-to-life crew enters alternate universe
Posted by: neophyte
Date: November 29, 2019 08:16PM
“reimplant an ectopic pregnancy”

Just like you would reimplant a root-bound houseplant into a bigger pot.

Wonder what they would use as fertilizer during this procedure?
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Re: Ohio’s right-to-life crew enters alternate universe
Posted by: Lux Interior
Date: November 30, 2019 09:14AM
UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED FACT: Ectopic pregnancies cannot be reimplanted into the uterus

TRUMP: *tweets* Any abortion is murder.

PHYSICIANS: That isn't even possible? Um, no.

FOX NEWS: Doctors murder babies.

CNN: Breaking news: New debate rages about whether doctors kill babies.

EVERY DOCTOR EVER: I'm sorry, what? That isn't possible. There's no debate.

CNN: Well we have to be fair and legitimize both sides.

EVERYONE: This will only kill mothers. There is no other side.

TRUMP: *addresses news media on White House lawn*

REPORTER: What about tens of thousands of women that will die because of this bill?

TRUMP: You're very rude. The fake news media is very unfair to me!

TRUMP BASE: *chanting* Abortion is murder! Abortion is murder!

KELLYANNE: The democrats are trying to shove dead babies down your throats because they're all SOCIALISTS.

RUSSIAN TROLL ONLINE: Hillary Clinton has child slaves underneath a pizza parlor in Queens and everyone's selling their abortions to them.

TRUMP: *retweets Russian troll*

NEWS MEDIA: *legitimizes retweet by airing footage of it all day*

TUCKER: The Democrats are coming for your babies! 2nd amendment!!!

JIM JORDAN: *screaming* THEY HAVE NO PROOF WHATSOEVER THAT WOMEN EXIST! NONE!

SCIENTISTS: Um, actually, we have irrefutable scientific proo...

JIM JORDAN: *screaming louder than all the scientists* NONE!!

HANNITY: Anybody that tells you that you can't reimplant an ectopic pregnancy is part of the deep state.

EVERYONE: But it's just simply not possible.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER AT THANKSGIVING DINNER: Are you part of the deep stage?

YOUR COUSIN IN PENSACOLA: *posts Breitbart meme on Facebook of cartoon Bernie Sanders snatching a fetus from a mother's womb*

TRUMP: *tweets* Deep state! Socialists! 2nd amendment! I saw a doctor reimplant a fetus the other day That's proof that all abortion is FAKE!

NEW YORK TIMES HEADLINE: Abortion still legal in all 50 states.

NOBODY: *reads newspapers*

RNC: *already mass producing fetus hats with clever 2020 re-election slogan all made in China*

CHINA: *laughing in Chinese* Americans are @#$%&.

BARR: The report states that Trump is totally exonerated.

EVERYONE: There is no report.

LANDSCAPER IN INDIANA: It's against my religious beliefs to abort a pregnancy.

TRUMP: *already onto the next scandal*

EVERYONE: Oh for @#$%& sake. Sure. Put the baby back in. This is too @#$%& exhausting. Who @#$%& cares anymore?

UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED FACT: Babies exist and don't exist at the same time..

PLANET EARTH: **visibly embarrassed**heats up to the point where grass no longer exists*
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Re: Ohio’s right-to-life crew enters alternate universe
Posted by: Ombligo
Date: November 30, 2019 11:57AM
You forgot the Funeral Directors charging for two funerals.



“No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong.”
-- François de La Rochefoucauld

"WE CALL BS!" -- Emma Gonzalez
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Re: Ohio’s right-to-life crew enters alternate universe
Posted by: Janit
Date: November 30, 2019 03:18PM
Trump should be reimplanted in his mother's uterus.
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