I'm posting here to get some more opinions.

Old lady wants a tiny house on her daughters large lot, next to their house. The family doesn't, because of her health. One daughter has always wanted her to move in with them, but somehow they won't remodel to make her a MIL suite. I told her, "if you make it, she will come". I think they suffer from procrastination.
I can sense some tension between the generations, and stubbornness with the old lady, but they need to decide soon.

They asked my opinion, and that is dangerous. I will give it! Here it is:
1. Mom sells the house, and moves in with this daughter and son in law, who are now empty nesters. They live nearby in the same community.
2. Daughter creates a beautiful apartment in the large house, with master bedroom, handicap bath (just in case), mini kitchen with inductive cooktop and small fridge. Mom can pick out a few of her favorite pieces of furniture, and sell the rest.

I'm guessing they can do it on the cheap for $20-$25K, and it would increase the home value more than that. Daughter wants remodeling money from the sale of house, but her siblings resist, because it would reduce the inheritance. I risk getting hurt, if I step to far into their business.

Have any of you done something like this? I'm paying attention because I will be in a similar situation in the next few years.

I risk getting hurt, if I step to far into their business.

if this is not your family, stay away. offer to help with whatever decision they take, but don't get involved in the decision making process. and if you help, help with stuff like moving, transportation, etc, not with planning, contractors, financing, etc.

>>Daughter wants remodeling money from the sale of house, but her siblings resist, because it would reduce the inheritance.

Wierd.

(on the part of the siblings)

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Buck
Daughter wants remodeling money from the sale of house, but her siblings resist, because it would reduce the inheritance.

She isn't dead yet, so it's not theirs to worry about. I didn't see any mention of them inviting mom into their homes.

She should at least get the remodeling money as payment for keeping her. The siblings may be irrational and not see that. Are they willing to split the cost of any other option? And, if they do get a tiny house, tell them they are usually way overpriced.

Google: granny pod

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Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.

It can't be too tiny. Plan ahead some. Will they be doing all the care if she has failing health? If the daughter or the son-in-law isn't willing to quit a job and take it up as a nearly full time job, the MIL suite/ (or the main house) might need to have a room for a live-in nurse to sleep in.

More planning ahead. Either party might end up wanting more privacy than bumping out a single wall for an extra bedroom. A cottage in the back yard that can be converted to a garage is one option.

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In tha 360. MRF User Map

I'm in a 425 sq ft apt. now, if I had health issues, I could get along here. Sounds like the family is confused and overly worried about finances. A nursing home would eat up all the funds and probably charge them more on top of it, with no added value.

We went through that with my mom. She couldn't live alone. She thought about building a small house behind ours (and bought the lot to do it). Ultimately she decided she didn't want to move from CA to GA because she was comfortable with her doctors in CA. So, she ended up building a small apartment onto my sister's house.

One of my brothers was an inheritance-scoundrel and made the same objection that it would reduce the inheritance but I told mom that it was her money and she could do with it what she pleased. So she built the building. They somehow titled that part of the building in my mom's name and my inheritance-scoundrel brother said my sister would have to sell her house to be able to pay the rest of us the value of that added-on building.

When I heard that I suggested to mom that she change her will to give the add-on to my sister since MY SISTER WAS CARING FOR MOM (that's the yelling I did to my brother when he found out that I was the instigator of mom changing her will).

When all was said and done it worked well. My mom clearly overpaid for the add-on (oh, well), but it was nice and she lived there for 5-6 years before she passed on. My inheritance-scoundrel brother has gotten over it. If he hadn't I gotten over it I wouldn't have cared. It was mom's money and she every right to live the way she wanted to in her last years.

By the way, when my mom changed her will she gave the lot behind our house to us; that was a surprise that I discovered when her will was read. My brother objected and said I should sell it and split the proceeds. I told him he could have 1/6 of it and come and camp on his 1/6 any time he wants to. He harrumphed!

Family. What a bunch of dicks.

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Octave Doctor
A nursing home would eat up all the funds and probably charge them more on top of it, with no added value.

This was my thought - if they don't want to reduce the inheritance they should consider how quickly it would be GONE in a home or extended hospital stay.
g=

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bazookaman
Family. What a bunch of dicks.

And people say us only children have it bad. Lol

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Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)

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bazookaman
Family. What a bunch of dicks.

...yup, some family members are.......some only care about the inheritance and those are usually the lazy/selfish ones....

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I reject your reality and substitute my own!

I probably don't have the whole story. But one thing is clear, only one of kids lives nearby and she really wants to take care of her mom. I just found out she's an RN, but hasn't worked in years.
This old lady isn't going to move far; she wants to stay in her community.

I agree that the tiny house is a bad idea because it would only be temporary. At some point soon she will need more care and the separate dwelling would be inconvenient. To have a loving daughter willing to do that is just beautiful. She needs to convince her husband to get bids asap, and remodel the house pronto.
Yes, it's the old lady's money. She may need it all in the next few years.

In my own case, my mother lives alone and wants it that way. Very independent and stubborn. Us kids all live far away, but other relatives are close. We're already looking for a solution. Probably assisted living of some sort.

Minnesota has a law that went into effect on Sept. 1 for that type of "drop house" for those needing care.

[www.mncounties.org] (eight page pdf file; no actual model houses)

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Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.

My brother did an addition for his mother-in-law. Separate outside entrance in addition to the inside access to the house. So, it could be rented out as an apartment after she passes, or, could be a place for live-in care to live for my brother (who is approaching retirement himself) if he or his wife should need it.

Money came out of MIL house sale after she was widowed. Far cheaper than even the most independent retirement home set-up.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/19/2016 11:52AM by Acer.

Best of luck to your friends. Our own personal tale of woe:

My father in law decided he wanted to live with us. We agreed, but needed a first floor full bathroom and bedroom for him. So with his participation, we bought a new house with all the features we wanted. With the agreed upon understanding that he would sell his house and buy into our house. And at the end of his life, we would buy my brother in law 'out' of his inheritance in our house.

The deal went through with the assistance of FNBoM (First National Bank of Mom). And then.. my father in law changed his mind. We spent 6 VERY lean years struggling to pay for a house that we could not afford. And then my FIL came to live with us for the last two years of his life. And his house sat. Unsold. Mildewing inside the basement. And my BIL ? Refused to even take his father for a couple of weeks so we could have a breather.

My FIL finally died three weeks after we HAD to put him in a nursing home (after he threatened to burn our house down and spent a month in geriatric psych.). And we then spent five YEARS cleaning out the house. My children and I providing most of the labor. And sold it for about 2/3 of what it could have sold for in 2003 when originally planned. And my BIL ? He got 2/3 of the proceeds. We're still struggling to pay for this damn house.

Family SUCKS.

I would run away from sharing any opinions about this situation because you sure as heck don't want to share the blame when the family members begin fighting or even suing each other.

However, as much as I advise you to keep out of this, I will mention that my mother moved in with my brother and his wife, who generously gave her their first-floor master suite, and a couple of years later said that she felt she had been too stubborn about maintaining independence and thought it had been a mistake to try to live alone as long as she did. So I'm not loving the tiny house idea since it would be a lot of time and money for something that probably isn't a great idea, all things considered, and do think that it is a better idea for her to live with other people. But again, as far as your situation goes, I'd avoid offering any advice or opinions to that family.

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Cbelt3 wins for Most Put-upon by a Relative story.
Man, that was a doozy !

Also, the tiny house may take some permitting to achieve, which is time. At the end of the day, probably easier, cheaper to add on and increase the value of the existing dwelling.