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Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: vision63
Date: January 28, 2017 02:30PM
There is a never-ending need for everyone to come to terms with who they are, what they're about and how it impact our lives. Our dysfunction is everyone's dysfunction. The truth can be a salve or it can veer off into all kinds of weird directions.

Healing and Peace comes from acknowledgement, humility and understanding that we're not perfect, that we're fallible and can humble ourselves to that fact. Maybe I don't know everything. Maybe it's not all about me and my pain. I am still trying to find direction and peace at age 57. Hope it works out for me. It's difficult to focus these days.

I used to have a girlfriend named Amanda, that I always thought was partly responsible for holding me back. She had kids and when we lived together, I found my single self suddenly being a breadwinner (along with Amanda) and responsible for other beings that depended on me that I didn't have too much control over. They were sweet and I loved them but they had the habits they were accustomed to. All I knew was that it was costing me a fortune every month and it really didn't matter if I got what I wanted or not. Or at least that's the way I saw it. I thought she was really demanding. I used to call her Amanda the Demanda (to myself of course). She desperately wanted us to get married.

She and I eventually broke up, though we stayed friends. At that time however, I thought I had broken free.

The "only" reason she and I were able to stay friends was soon after we broke up I started seeing this girl (woman) named Gwen who was REALLY demanding and unreasonable. It was a case of me being swayed by how cute she was (stupid). Eventually she and I crashed and burned and I suddenly realized that Amanda wasn't really demanding AT ALL. It was me being unreasonable. Me being selfish. Me rejecting a loving woman with her loving kids. She had gone all out of her way to accommodate and integrate me into her life. I was literally too stupid to realize it.

By this time she was seeing another guy (a guy I introduced her to) that she eventually married. I felt guilty though, because I was so unfair to her. Gwen made me realize this. I decided to apologize to Amanda.

I wrote her a letter, telling her that she was right about everything. I told her that if I only had listened to her everything would have turned out better for me and maybe even her. I told her in no uncertain terms how she had influenced me in my life. How she lifted me and encouraged me and what a powerful force she was in all of our lives but especially in mine.

About 2 weeks later, she knocked on my door with tears in her eyes. I made tea and she told me how much it meant that I acknowledged her pain and we sat there for 2 hours vowing to remain close and supportive as artists and as friends. She wanted me to keep looking after the kids which I desperately wanted to do anyway. That was in the 90's.

Amanda is still one my best friends every day in my life. She is an amazing Photo-Artist (as she calls herself). She nurtures my creativity and I hers. When we were together, she and I conducted Photography and Writing workshops with Atlanta area youth and elders. We received grants and other funds and made a difference in other's lives via the power of our love and cooperation (and the Carter Center in Atlanta).

We as Americans and citizens of this Earth must come to terms with embracing one another.

A crappy picture of Amanda and I. It's my favorite of us.



An image that she photographed of us. I had just walked in from work. This is the mid 90's in Atlanta. Actually in Clarkston on Indian Creek at what then known as the 7-Springs apartments.

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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: raz
Date: January 28, 2017 03:19PM
Beautiful. Thank you.



--------------

Embarassing myself on the Internet since 1978.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: Lizabeth
Date: January 28, 2017 03:26PM
Awesome photo and story my friend. Peace be with you and carry it forward.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: kap
Date: January 28, 2017 03:28PM
It takes maturity to come to the realization that we are more similar than different. And we must work together for the good of this planet, its citizens including animals and plants.



SoCal for now.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: Speedy
Date: January 28, 2017 03:55PM
Damn, you sure blew a good thing. Happens to most all of us.



Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: vision63
Date: January 28, 2017 04:06PM
Quote
Speedy
Damn, you sure blew a good thing. Happens to most all of us.

Ha. Like I was done blowing good things.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: steve...
Date: January 28, 2017 04:07PM
Very nice, thoughtful post and pictures.





Northern California Coast
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: graylocks
Date: January 28, 2017 04:14PM
what a touching memory, V. and i never knew you lived in Atlanta. i moved here in 1994. perhaps we passed each other on the street somewhere. i actually dated someone in Clarkston though not until the early 00s.



"Success isn't about how much money you make. It is about the difference you make in people's lives."--Michelle Obama



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2017 04:14PM by graylocks.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: hal
Date: January 28, 2017 04:51PM
Quote
vision63
Quote
Speedy
Damn, you sure blew a good thing. Happens to most all of us.

Ha. Like I was done blowing good things.

That's one way to describe life - a series off blown opportunities :-)
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: TheCaber
Date: January 28, 2017 06:07PM
This is the price of wisdom. Thank you for sharing, v, especially the lovely photos.



=TC
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: DP
Date: January 28, 2017 06:24PM
That's the idea, viz. We learn from our mistakes. I'm hoping you will find solace. It does seem that wisdom is working it's way in, tho!





A little break from the grief...






Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: max
Date: January 28, 2017 09:19PM
That is what happens when you have it too good.

She is beautiful ...
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: Wags
Date: January 28, 2017 09:34PM
Road to Xanadu

I’m sitting in my living room, trying to write a song about you.

Last time I saw you you were cruisin’ down the road to Xanadu.

And I wonder how you are? Did you catch a shooting star?


I guess I need another verse, try and make some sense it.

I can call to mind the pieces, Just can’t seem to make them fit.

And I wonder how you been? Did you find some peace within?

Love slipped away, on that bright October day.


Well I hardly ever think about you now…. but that’s a lie.

Late night whisperings, warm bodies, breathless sighs.

Have you journeyed very far? Have you found out who you are?

Love slipped away. What could I’ve done to make you stay?


I’m sitting in my living room, trying to write a song about you.

Last time I saw you you were cruisin’ down the road to Xanadu.

And I wonder how you been? Hope you found some peace within.

Love slipped away, on that bright October day.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: blooz
Date: January 28, 2017 10:00PM
Very nice story, vision. It's great you have a fruitful relationship with Amanda.
And thanks for talking about how you did it. It is not always easy to admit to mistakes.
I have an ex that I am very close to, we are almost brother and sister at this point, and have been there for each other in tough times. These relationships can be very special.

Also, thanks for the photos. it's always nice to actually put a face to the name in the forum.



And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.
—Friedrich Nietzsche
Western Massachusetts
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: Janit
Date: January 28, 2017 10:51PM
Thank you for this.

By chance I read it after a long day full of my own memories and regrets, somehow intensified by the fearful time we are now living through.

It brings me back to the fragment of Aeschylus that Robert Kennedy invoked in his statement about the death of Martin Luther King:

Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart,
until, in our own despair,
against our will,
comes wisdom
through the awful grace of God.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: N-OS X-tasy!
Date: January 28, 2017 11:27PM
Beautiful words of wisdom. I am sorry for how that wisdom was earned.



It is what it is.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: iaJim
Date: January 29, 2017 09:17AM
This is a moving piece. Thank you. Seems like a good start for a screenplay.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: January 29, 2017 10:33AM
Yeah, you F'ed up.

If we don't learn from our mistakes, we're doomed to repeat them.



Mr. Lahey: A lot of people, don’t know how to drink. They drink against the grain of the liquor. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor? You lose.

Randy: What the @#$%& are you talking about?
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: kap
Date: January 29, 2017 10:39AM
Quote
Rick-o

If we don't learn from our mistakes, we're doomed to repeat them.
Always and forever!



SoCal for now.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: Pam
Date: January 29, 2017 10:58AM
Amazing story! It takes a lot, more than most have, to really look hard at themselves. Much less apologize and make amends. I'm so happy you have a treasured friendship. And such insight.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: GuyGene
Date: January 29, 2017 11:04AM
Wow vision, what a part-of-life story! I hope she is still happily married to the guy you introduced to her. If she is, I'd say really keep your distance. It already was a really tangled up situation, and it's really simplicity that's needed in many things in life. Anyway, hang in man, you (and us) are going to make it!! And, Atlanta is a great place! Ethyl and I go there sometimes for a day trip to eat, go to concerts, eat again, then, we might just stop by Mary Mac's - and definitely I WILL get Jeni's ice cream!! One thing I do for all of us here is pray for us all. You're there now more than before for sharing this, vision.



That old man - he don't think like no old man...
Now I wouldn't want to be within 400 - 500 yards of one of them nuclear bombs when it goes off! WW1 Vet Old Man
"He's pinned under an outcropping of rock. Lucky for him, the rock kept the dirt from burying him alive."
If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport. And I'd be a TSA agent.
A bonified member of The Mystic Knights of The Sea, George P. Stevens, President. Andy Brown, Treasurer, Algonquin J. Calhoun, Legal Consultant.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: N-OS X-tasy!
Date: January 29, 2017 01:31PM
Quote
kap
Quote
Rick-o

If we don't learn from our mistakes, we're doomed to repeat them.
Always and forever!

Great song!



It is what it is.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: January 30, 2017 12:30AM
Quote
N-OS X-tasy!
Quote
kap
Quote
Rick-o

If we don't learn from our mistakes, we're doomed to repeat them.
Always and forever!

Great song!

Exactly what I started singing when I read that. High school dances.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: GeneL
Date: January 30, 2017 02:21AM
Beautiful!

Great faces, vision. It would be something, if we all could see each other when we're "talking" on the forum.

So many of us have known each other for years and yet, except for our get together, we don't have a face to attach to these very personal posts.

I am always wowed by the occassional revelation of what all you forum friends do for a living and the wide range and depth of knowledge that many of you bring to the party.

Like others, I had my first love in high school. Naturally, being a teenage boy, I eventually sabotaged that and was heartbroken at the end. After a few brief attractions, I was on my own and after my Mom passed away and my Dad moved to Denver and remarried, I commuted to a job in Manhattan.

One morning, walking from Grand Central to the bus stop I saw this stunning young woman with hair the color of burnished copper. I was immediately hooked! I got on the crowded bus ahead of her and managed to bag a seat. As she approached, I stood up, offered her my seat and so began the second chapter in my book of love.

If I was a writer, I would go on to describe how much pure elation I enjoyed in this relationship. Linda was so spontaneous that I never had to carry the burden of my self imposed need to be "the one" that always had to come up with what we would do together. We went tiny theaters, to the "three Penny Opera with Lotte Lenya at the Circle in the Square theater. We saw Theodore Bikel and Nina Simone at Art D'lugoff's Village Gate. Sat close to the piano in a little club as Mabel Mercer sang "It's the wrong time and the wrong place" as she grinned at me with a wicked smile. And those incredible hamburgers we had on Saturday mornings. Driving down from Westchester to a city that felt almost empty as we found our table at PJ Clarke's and listened to Billie Holliday.

I could dig deeper into my memory of the incredible days and nights we spent together, but sadly, I was too unformed, too young to be "the One" for this impossibly desirable creature.

So, another heartbreak!

I've had my share and quite a few romances, since.

I really hate to say this, but it seems far too easy to fall in love, but I wonder how many of us were equiped to hang on to that special love, the "One" we wanted to last "forever?"

I guess that could make for an unusual poll.

Thanks for sharing, vision.



gl @ Dana Point, CA



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2017 04:15AM by GeneL.
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Re: Amanda taught me and I'm still trying to learn...
Posted by: N-OS X-tasy!
Date: January 30, 2017 03:00AM
Quote
mrbigstuff
Quote
N-OS X-tasy!
Quote
kap
Quote
Rick-o

If we don't learn from our mistakes, we're doomed to repeat them.
Always and forever!

Great song!

Exactly what I started singing when I read that. High school dances.

Junior high for me. Every dance ended with either that song or "Last Dance."



It is what it is.
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