I want to get some input on Folk's experience with post menopause behavior..or abberations in behavior.

Experiences of women..men and their wives, friends..anything.

It's been a couple of years since my wife 'finished'..

her behavior since then and right through until now is shaky..Extremely irritable, taking things said to her the absolute wrong way..flipping stuff..not just from me..stuff at work, etc..perception seems extremely hindered and driven by this. It's causing problems..It is a very marked difference and she will have none of it..if i bring it up? She shoots it down with fury and marches along. It's super obvious and weird and after this two or so years im getting very worried about it..I read somewhere that this kind of thing can last up to 8 years..

silent H e l p..



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/14/2018 11:28AM by Kraniac.

My wife had severe mood swings. Once it got bad enough to affect other people she went to the doctor and was placed on hormone therapy. Since then back to normal. This is over about 10 years. Hormone therapy is not for everyone and she has been monitored by the doctor. Has had reductions in the amount and type of hormones she takes. There is hope is your wife will go to the doctor and tell them what is happening to her.

sims

Yeah, to a doctor.

Wife had the similar issues, went to a specialist of some sort, ran a huge panel. Wild levels on tons of things, started gving her tyhroid meds, and now she gets a "pellet" surgically inserted every 3 months to balance hormones.

Night and day.

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Edited 999 time(s). Last edit at 12:08PM by jdc.

wow..im stunned at strangely relieved in some sense at both of your responses. thank you.

It sounds like your wife is suffering, and she's sharing her pain. Thank goodness you're a loving spouse who is looking for ways to help instead of assistance in blaming... I'm with the other posters - share your concern with her, and ask if she would be willing to ask a doctor for advice. Remember that medicine isn't magic - she'll need your support if she opts for treatment, too. It's not always a simple or easy fix.

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rj
AKA
Vreemac, Moth of the Future

My wife (now ex, mercifully) became depressed and filled with anger. Stopped talking to me, her brothers, and her mother. Lost much of her interest in the kids. Dropped long time friends. Would hole herself up in a spare bedroom which she moved into. Wouldn't eat with the family, didn't say hello or goodbye. I told her many times I was worried about her, that she should get help. "I've been to two therapists, I'm DONE with that". So much anger. Finally moved out (without telling the kids). She then divorced me which has freed me from her rages. I feel bad for her, but the kids and I are in a much better place. Her family has a history of mental illness, she held it together until menopause. (This is the short version of the story.)

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Kraniac
wow..im stunned at strangely relieved in some sense at both of your responses. thank you.

She needs to get to the right person, and its not always a full doctor. And most likely not her regular dr. Think my wifes is a NP. We pay out of pocket if that matters, Kaiser just gave us the runaround.

When she gets in I will ask so I can give you her exact credentials.

Oh, and FWIW, the change happened in less than 2 weeks -- not some long drawn out whatnot. Some of it was her mental attitude in general, which took a little longer to adjust, since she had been the other way for so long. But other things were right away.

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Edited 999 time(s). Last edit at 12:08PM by jdc.

I had no idea this was a "thing"! I thought I just turned into a biotch/cantankerous old person!

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Central VA

Thanks for bringing this up.... I was not aware this was a possibility... that might explain some of my beloved wife's emotional difficulties. I tend to blame everything on her chronic neurological conditions, but this may be another factor in the mix.

NOW to convince her to see a hormone specialist... um... Endocrinologist. She's been talking to a Rheumatologist finally, and has a good relationship with her. And she realizes that there are hormone related issues....

I pray that you can get her fixed and/or that it only lasts 8 years...

and tell CJ it's more than a real thing; it's men's punishment for not having the joy of childbirth.
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This may not apply, but I know two women who are bipolar. They are perfectly fine when taking the proper meds. One of those two (a friend of mine) suddenly went insane, crazy & paranoid. Turns out that menopause messed with her hormones and THAT messed with her meds. Things worked out once the Docs knew what was going on.

The other, a young friend of my mothers suddenly decided that she no longer wanted to be friends with mom and went a little crazy bitchy. A year or so later, she came back and has been a good friend since. I KNOW she's bipolar, but I know nothing about her episode except she was just at the right age - similar to my friend.

Yes... a visit to the dr is a good idea, but I suggest not saying, 'Hey honey, let's get you to the dr so we can figure out why you're being such a bitch.'

......is women go through menopause.....do men go through womenopause.....????

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I reject your reality and substitute my own!

My wife says (along with others in her ADHD support group) that although she has always had an attention deficit, it came, “screaming out of the closet” after menopause. I tend to agree, and it’s taken a lot of talking and negotiating for us to feel comfortable again. Of course, over the years I’ve changed from the person I used to be, too.

I love Esther Perel’s comment (paraphrased), “most people are married 3 or 4 times - sometimes to the same person.”

My Wife always had super intense PMS..I always said I could tell her PMS was in place just by hearing her footsteps on the stairs coming up..i was almost always correct. She would rage hard about anything. It was seriously disturbing and hard to deal with..we've been together for 35 years..30 year wedding anniversary this year. I've done a lot of reading recently on Post Meno stuff..Strong PMS history is not necessarily a predictor of over the top Peri, Meno, or Post Meno.

Her Peri and then full on Menopause was a roller coaster of ride of emotion and physical symptoms..hot flashes, fatigue, emotions, a bit of depression, some rage..lots of discomfort..This post period is much different..if it IS post menopause..It might not be,.. it's why I posted this thread..I dont know.

the challenge is getting her to consider it..She mentioned it a few weeks ago but that's vapor now.

My wife had estrogen-receptive breast cancer, so she was given estrogen-destroying drugs. Instant menopause. Mercifully, the oncologist recognized this might be a problem and had her see a (female) psychiatrist who could provide safe, drastically reduced, levels of hormone replacement.

Also, be as sympathetic as possible: women become women (rather than girls) at menarche; this is widely celebrated and a source of pride for most females. No such thing happens at menopause: and some feel that they're certainly not girls; they're no longer women (in that sense); so they have various kinds of identity crises. I can't imagine the difficulties this poses, although mercifully my wife worked and had an identity outside her home.

Good luck. And remember: as bad as it may be for you, it's worse for her.

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Kraniac
My Wife always had super intense PMS..I always said I could tell her PMS was in place just by hearing her footsteps on the stairs coming up..i was almost always correct. She would rage hard about anything. It was seriously disturbing and hard to deal with..we've been together for 35 years..30 year wedding anniversary this year. I've done a lot of reading recently on Post Meno stuff..Strong PMS history is not necessarily a predictor of over the top Peri, Meno, or Post Meno.

Her Peri and then full on Menopause was a roller coaster of ride of emotion and physical symptoms..hot flashes, fatigue, emotions, a bit of depression, some rage..lots of discomfort..This post period is much different..if it IS post menopause..It might not be,.. it's why I posted this thread..I dont know.

the challenge is getting her to consider it..She mentioned it a few weeks ago but that's vapor now.

Sometimes what a topic is just too hard to discuss, it MIGHT BE (and it might NOT be) helpful to write a letter. That way, you get to say EXACTLY what you want to say (so do it right) and then you can discuss it. One way or another, she needs to realize what you are going through - it's not just her...

She might want to try a progesterone cream, it's over the counter (from Amazon or most any drug or health food store) and can be very helpful. Of course, being tested for hormones and other stuff at a doctor would be best, if she's willing.

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Ammo
My wife says (along with others in her ADHD support group) that although she has always had an attention deficit, it came, “screaming out of the closet” after menopause.

Wellbutrin can help a person to focus better. I know it helped me.

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A-Polly
She might want to try a progesterone cream, it's over the counter (from Amazon or most any drug or health food store) and can be very helpful. Of course, being tested for hormones and other stuff at a doctor would be best, if she's willing.

Wife tried that for awhile, meh. Everyones experience is different.

Her person specalizises in hormone replacement therapy.

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Edited 999 time(s). Last edit at 12:08PM by jdc.

Wow, we're lucky. My wife had a couple of years of hot flashes and a bit of grumpiness but we sailed through this compared to others. The doctor/endocrinologist advice seems right on target. Wishing all who suffer with this the best.

Guess Women in my family are lucky. Had some crazy symptoms peri, but none post. Never felt less feminine either. I viewed it as freedom!

....this does give one......pause.....

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I reject your reality and substitute my own!