advertisement
Forums

The Forum is sponsored by 
 

AAPL stock: Click Here

You are currently viewing the Tips and Deals forum
I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: vision63
Date: August 16, 2018 07:18PM
It's amazing how my body, some element of my mind and soul is comfortable living life at a level that I'm completely done with. I will not allow myself to defeat myself. I may have to punch myself in the mouth. Dumbass. I started this life with dreams and gotdammit I'm gonna end it with 'em.

Take getting older, the fragile nature of my mother and constant feelings that the things that I work on and seek to expand upon have been done to death already. It kinda feels like the world doesn't need anything from me. That could maybe be vanity or whatever. I've never experienced feeling somewhat defeated before. Always positive and forward thinking.

I'm really burned out working and have been working less and feeling the pinch. Trying not to give up. Trying to get my spirit back. I have to work more I suppose (I'm a creative contractor). I feel like I help everyone fulfill their dreams and missions and that is really no longer my mission. I also let a friend take advantage of me and I lost a bunch of money in the process.

I think I'm just going to focus on taking care of my body for a while. At least I know that's good for me and it makes me feel good to do so despite it not making me any money at all.

My goal is to save up and take a tour across this country to reconnect with my gigantic family which is strewn all over. I've done it a number of times when I was younger and that is the life I enjoy. I've not seen them in so long that I long to connect with them and show love to them. Also there are many old friends that I haven't hugged and shared time with in many years that I miss so much. I have to see them and touch them.

Taking pictures, talking to people, creating funky designs and loving life. I planned to do it this summer, but I helped my friend try to save his house after his wife died and he lost his frikken mind by not really doing anything to help himself. I actually did save it and he blew it after by not making payments. He has diabetes and is getting slower and slower. He said that I never tried to help him and that really hurt me. I have chosen to not even speak to him for the time being because I feel foolish having tried to help him. In September, it will be a year.

When I shared the Insomnia photos I know they looked kinda pedestrian on some levels but it was really me feeling so overwhelmed and so disappointed in myself that I could not sleep and the only respite I could muster was to just drive around in the middle of the night enjoying the empty streets because since I was there, I felt important. Yeah, that's yucky. But I really enjoy those kinds of photos.

So first, I'm going to put a lot of work in and see if I can save on top of my expenses (that's been hard and living in the Bay Area doesn't help). Helping my friend really damaged my finances. I can comeback, it's not really because this place is so hard, it's because of feeling kinda beat up emotionally. Regardless of whatever is happening I have to take care of myself and not feel so sorry for myself. I know guys got it worse than me. Maybe I can't do it but I'm not going to think I cannot. I'm all I got and I must prevail.

I think when I'm feeling this way I'm not the easiest person to get along with and that's not really fair for others. I have to do better.

Based on how I'm feeling this is what I yearn to do.

1. I want to bring my family closer together by reconnecting with as many as I can and also reconnect with old friends and colleagues that have been good to me and have nurtured my creativity.

I don't need to dazzle anyone. I just want to leave a piece of me. My brother never even knew what the internet was. When I search the internet for him, it's like he never even existed. My dear brother. He was so good to his little brother and I want to carry his spirit forward into the future. Carry my family into the future too. I don't need to blow anybody away. Whatever I create will be just fine. But create I must. Just because.

2. I will rebuild my design studio in such a way that I can generate a consistent revenue stream like I used to do. I can't believe how devolved I've become professionally. I look at work I've done and find it difficult to believe I even created it. I'm creating a budget for a year.

People are worried about me because I've never been this demure and isolated before. I think I just feel ashamed and embarrassed. I've been preparing an agenda designed to first, take of day to day tasks and chores that I've allowed myself to fall behind on. Second, to arrange a schedule that encompasses my need to generate income and plan out a creative renaissance. 3 phases 365 days.

Thanks guys.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: deckeda
Date: August 16, 2018 07:38PM
Side hustles and hobbies ... everybody needs 'em. Keeps the mind going. That, and coffee. I like coffee, but it really only performs the magic for a few minutes. About the time I realize oh, it's the coffee making me do that, it's gone. (2 cups in the morning, nothing too major.)

You'll make your dent in the universe, I have no doubt.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: DP
Date: August 16, 2018 07:44PM
I also let a friend take advantage of me and I lost a bunch of money in the process.

Not a friend. Sorry.

Sounds like you've recognized you're in a state, but recognizing that is a huge first step. And we're all here to help as we can...





A little break from the grief...






Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: lost in space
Date: August 16, 2018 07:51PM
Been there. Counseling helped me a lot.



Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: testcase
Date: August 16, 2018 07:55PM
"it makes me feel good to do so despite it not making me any money at all."

Taking care of your body can have MANY benefits. In the long run, taking care of your body can save you money, LOTS of money.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: rgG
Date: August 16, 2018 08:05PM
You can do it!!!
Sending good vibes your way.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: Lemon Drop
Date: August 16, 2018 08:17PM
Your self-awareness and courage to be vulnerable are amazing and inspirational. So many people stumble around clueless of their own inner-life or how they impact others, and then there are folks like you always thinking deeply and kindly and probably being too hard on yourself so never forget your value and what you mean to other people.

Best of luck with your journey; I think that many of us at this phase of life can relate to many parts of that. You've always got friends here who don't judge, who appreciate, laugh, care. Punch ahead my friend.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: Bernie
Date: August 16, 2018 09:03PM





Staunton, Virginia
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: graylocks
Date: August 16, 2018 09:46PM
definitely sounds like it's time to be on the path of enlightened self-interest. take care of your self.



"Success isn't about how much money you make. It is about the difference you make in people's lives."--Michelle Obama



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/16/2018 09:46PM by graylocks.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: Rolando
Date: August 16, 2018 10:45PM
As above, take care of yourself. After I lost my father, my wife saw the light go out in me, and had to remind me to be there for our kids and her. Enjoy the little things as well.



San Antonio, TX (in the old city)


"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
“Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." - Eli Weisel

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." - Theodore Roosevelt (1918)

"I don’t want to see religious bigotry in any form. It would disturb me if there was a wedding between the religious fundamentalists and the political right. The hard right has no interest in religion except to manipulate it." - Billy Graham 1981

"Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise" - Barry Goldwater
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: btfc
Date: August 17, 2018 01:33AM
Here are a few insights from my own life, they might not all apply to you:


Diet, exercise and sleep are the first, best things I can do to regain my center.

I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be the kind of person who will go out of my way to help others, and it is well worth the risk of getting burned sometimes. The line between helping someone vs. being an enabler isn't always clear until later. Helping others with their problems can put yours into better perspective

Often there are more friends around than you might realize, don't forget to be open to their help and insights

Some problems resolve themselves, and stressing out is always wasted energy.

Don't feel like you need to change everything at once, gradual changes in behavior and habits are often more realistic.

Living more simply and reducing or eliminating expenses or bills have given me a great deal of freedom and flexibility.



Your presence on this forum is valued. Best wishes to you!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2018 01:35AM by btfc.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: August 17, 2018 05:10AM
You are not alone, in more ways than one.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: Janit
Date: August 17, 2018 05:56AM
Gome back and talk to us about how it's going, any time you feel the need.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: prymsnap
Date: August 17, 2018 07:58AM
Thanks for sharing this with us, vision. Wishing you all good things along the journey.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: pdq
Date: August 17, 2018 08:26AM
Vision, be careful with this driving around at night thing (while black, IIRC, to boot!)

Don’t know you of course, but what I’ve read of you here tells me you’re a good guy. Hang in there.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: cbelt3
Date: August 17, 2018 09:11AM
vis,
It's all good... you've got this. We all hit those points where we look at ourselves and say "Woah...". We're all human. Stuff happens to us. Keep your awesome sense of humor close, and push drama and chaos as far away as possible. Virtual hugs sent your way !
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: $tevie
Date: August 17, 2018 11:16AM
Quote

What'd you see on a night so clear
In the sky so very dear
You're a shining star
No matter who you are
[youtu.be]

<3 <3 <3
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: Ammo
Date: August 17, 2018 03:53PM
Sometimes the things we say to ourselves are simply not true even when we think it is. This is especially true when we are depressed. You will feel better later, but it’s important to be kind to yourself now.



Where is there dignity unless there is also honesty? - Cicero

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. —Wendy Mass
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: I've been one kind of way for so long that creating fundamental change is really a challenge
Posted by: davester
Date: August 18, 2018 11:51PM
Hey Vision, Just the fact that you are thinking and talking about these things and struggling to move forward with the life you want to lead puts you above most of the people in this world. I think that your post above is cause for celebration. Keep at it. Don't sit back and let life wash over you. I have been in the same place as you many times (even now) and it always pays off to back up, define my goals, and then go after them. Knowing you, I know that you will succeed.



"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion." (1987) -- Carl Sagan
Options:  Reply • Quote
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login

Online Users

Guests: 96
Record Number of Users: 186 on February 20, 2020
Record Number of Guests: 5122 on October 03, 2020