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Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: October 05, 2018 03:23PM

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In tha 360. MRF User Map
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: voodoopenguin
Date: October 05, 2018 03:44PM
Ron, an elderly man in Australia, had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond at the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: tronnei
Date: October 05, 2018 03:50PM
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: October 05, 2018 03:52PM










Ways to improve web conference image and sound quality. [forums.macresource.com]


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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: DinerDave
Date: October 05, 2018 04:15PM
It's my girlfriend's favorite time of year.

She just can't get enough of that Dicken's Cider!

Dave



Welcome to Dave's BBQ!

Many have eaten here....

Few have died
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: rjmacs
Date: October 05, 2018 04:33PM
Some of these jokes feel ickier than usual today. sad smiley



rj
AKA
Vreemac, Moth of the Future
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: RAMd®d
Date: October 05, 2018 04:37PM
Still, there are a couple of gems.

I've always like the 'gator in the pool' scam.

And 'tis but a scratch' really cracked me up.


Yes, I could have done without a few of them.

But the day's still young.






I am that Masked Man.

All you can do, is all you can do.

There’s trouble — it's time to play the sound of my people.

Your boos mean nothing to me, I've seen what you cheer for.

Insisting on your rights without acknowledging your responsibilities isn’t freedom, it’s adolescence.

I've been to the edge of the map, and there be monsters.

We are a government of laws, not men.

Everybody counts or nobody counts.

When a good man is hurt,
all who would be called good
must suffer with him.

You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead.

There is no safety for honest men except
by believing all possible evil of evil men.

We don’t do focus groups. They just ensure that you don’t offend anyone, and produce bland inoffensive products. —Sir Jonathan Ive

An armed society is a polite society.
And hope is a lousy defense.

You make me pull, I'll put you down.

I *love* SIGs. It's Glocks I hate.
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Steve G.
Date: October 05, 2018 04:53PM
replay: Haggis Jokes

It's offal. It's awful
Official ball of Scottish Rugby
Very well done...with ketchup
Love it Paul's on his way over with a side dish of... 5 year freezer fish
Oatmeal adds fiber, but so does shredded steel belted radials
Scotland's answer to Kim... *Un's nuclear warheads
Not kosher, not halal, Not food
Higher quality than dollar store brand weiners
Served on a muffin...it's Mc Haggis!
Yes, didn't Steve McQueen star opposite one in 1954?
Didn't Julia child prepare one for Christmas...or was it Halloween?
Hannibal Lecter recommended serves at dinner parties
Your kids will eat if you tell them (it's dessert)....eats it
Yes, I'd buy it but only if it's made butchering the Kardashians
Phone before midnight and we'll include a second one for free
GeneL had one removed recently
Official mascot when Scotland secedes from the UK
I'll eat it if Sean Connery does.
Paraded roasted by townsfolks in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Origin misattribution to Viking origins once caused war declared by Norway.
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Robert M
Date: October 05, 2018 05:38PM
Diner,

Here ya go! Dicken's Cider!

[www.catsprn.com]

Warning! Potentially offensive but most assuredly good fun!

Robert
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: October 05, 2018 05:41PM
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
“Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?”



Mr. Lahey: A lot of people, don’t know how to drink. They drink against the grain of the liquor. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor? You lose.

Randy: What the @#$%& are you talking about?
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Steve G.
Date: October 05, 2018 05:47PM
recently got this one from a pal

caption:"Beach people ruin everything"
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: testcase
Date: October 05, 2018 06:17PM
Point - Rick-o boink smiley



ROTFL
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: billb
Date: October 05, 2018 09:01PM




The Phorum Wall keeps us safe from illegal characters and words
The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is the knowledge of one's own ignorance. -Benjamin Franklin
BOYCOTT YOPLAIT [www.noyoplait.com]
[soundcloud.com]
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: DinerDave
Date: October 05, 2018 10:28PM
Quote
Robert M
Diner,

Here ya go! Dicken's Cider!

[www.catsprn.com]

Warning! Potentially offensive but most assuredly good fun!

Robert

An oldie, but a goodie, my wife does not see the humor however.

Dave



Welcome to Dave's BBQ!

Many have eaten here....

Few have died
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Racer X
Date: October 05, 2018 11:47PM
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his ex girlfriend?

He flushed.
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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: lost in space
Date: October 06, 2018 11:04AM
A day late, but I'd probably forget if I wait 'til next week.

If you want to take home more of the cake you brought to the party




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Re: Friday Funnies - Post a joke, gif, funny story
Posted by: Steve G.
Date: October 06, 2018 07:09PM
There was a joke years ago on The Tonight Show, with Phil Hartman appearing as the ghost of Zachary Taylor, who revealed that Lincoln isn’t actually in heaven, since “people forget, Lincoln was a lawyer--rules are rules.”
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