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38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: cbelt3
Date: November 22, 2020 08:33PM
COVID and work from home and constantly being together has caused some .. stresses. We've been working on it. We've been trying to establish a simple ground rule... when one of us feels a bit put out, remember that the first thought should be "I love you", not "I'm mad at you".

Now I'll start by saying.. my background is Engineering. Which means that I can be a serious know it all problem solving machine. Not that my solutions are any good, but hey...

Mrs. cbelt3 just approached me with one of her craft projects. And she started by saying "All I want you to do is look at what I did and say "cool""

So she presented what she had done (involved a Japanese paper organizer and a simplification involving using a dollar store calendar rather than ordering another $$ worth of stuff from Japan).

And I told her she was awesome.

And then I thanked her for turning off my totally unneeded 'over engineer' commentary.

She has finally learned how to manage one of my annoying foibles !

Now onto the rest of my bad habits...
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: Thrift Store Scott
Date: November 22, 2020 09:34PM
That just goes to show what can be accomplished when both parties in a relationship are willing to communicate openly and honestly with one another. Congratulations.



WARNING- If I posted a link in the above message, assume it is at minimum "NSFW- Language". Occasionally you'll be wrong.

Lie to me if you must, but don't lie to me and insult my intelligence in the same sentence.

Resist the Thought Police: George Orwell's book 1984 was meant as a warning, not an instruction manual.

"Political correctness is just intellectual colonialism and psychological fascism for the creation of thought crime" - Steve Hughes

Stop and think about this: If you're able to shout the words "I CAN'T BREATHE!!!" at considerable volume, then you have just proven to anyone listening that you can indeed breathe.

"I don't see color, I just see ugly" - Joe Jitsukawa
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: deckeda
Date: November 22, 2020 11:30PM
Very “cool,” indeed!

Today as I was cranking up my basement project I heard the wife tell the kids she was going to take a nap. At 1:30 in the afternoon. And I’m staring at the pile of 2x4s I now cannot make noise with ... so instead I moved a few things around, did 30-40 minutes of work (job work) and some research and at 3:30 heard her talking to one of the kids.

So, your nap is done? If so I can continue banging around downstairs ...

“Oh yeah I’ve been up for an hour. But thanks!”
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: ztirffritz
Date: November 23, 2020 12:12AM
Most valuable thing I’ve learned in marriage is: what’s obvious to me is obvious to me. I need to realize that I may need to clarify why I’m mad or frustrated. It turns out the wife isn’t a mind reader.



**************************************
MacResource User Map: [www.zeemaps.com]#
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: vision63
Date: November 23, 2020 01:05AM
Y'all got cool wives.
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: Speedy
Date: November 23, 2020 10:11AM
Quote
vision63
Y'all got cool wives.

And the posters are all lying.



Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: cbelt3
Date: November 23, 2020 12:47PM
Quote
Speedy
Quote
vision63
Y'all got cool wives.

And the posters are all lying.
Naw... after all those years you learn to speak true.
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: vision63
Date: November 23, 2020 12:55PM
Quote
cbelt3
Quote
Speedy
Quote
vision63
Y'all got cool wives.

And the posters are all lying.
Naw... after all those years you learn to speak true.

It's way easier to tell the truth than lie. You lose the stamina required to keep all of those lies straight.
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: Thrift Store Scott
Date: November 23, 2020 03:08PM
Quote
cbelt3
Quote
Speedy
Quote
vision63
Y'all got cool wives.

And the posters are all lying.

Naw... after all those years you learn to speak true.

I did wonder about that because the experiences expressed by the first few posters doesn't line up with my experience of relationships AT ALL. My experience, for the most part, is instance after instance of me kneeling before my partner, hands clasped in supplication, begging and pleading with tears in my eyes as big as lemons for an honest answer or honest opinion, and fully prepared to accept any truthful reply from the best possibility to the worst only for said partner to tell me what they thought I wanted to hear... not what I actually wanted to hear, mind you, which was simply the truth, but what they thought I wanted to hear which was usually anything but the truth and almost inevitably led to a conversation through gritted teeth later which included the sentence "If you didn't want to do that/go there/etc. in the first place then why didn't you just say so when I asked you about it beforehand?!?". After multiple instances of this same scenario playing out I came to the conclusion that I am attracted at the molecular level to pathologically dishonest individuals for whom the utterance of actual truth is physically painful and thus I gave up on dating entirely.



WARNING- If I posted a link in the above message, assume it is at minimum "NSFW- Language". Occasionally you'll be wrong.

Lie to me if you must, but don't lie to me and insult my intelligence in the same sentence.

Resist the Thought Police: George Orwell's book 1984 was meant as a warning, not an instruction manual.

"Political correctness is just intellectual colonialism and psychological fascism for the creation of thought crime" - Steve Hughes

Stop and think about this: If you're able to shout the words "I CAN'T BREATHE!!!" at considerable volume, then you have just proven to anyone listening that you can indeed breathe.

"I don't see color, I just see ugly" - Joe Jitsukawa
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: Diana
Date: November 23, 2020 04:39PM
Scott,

Often they tell you what they think you want to hear because they think that if they gave you their honest opinion that you would turn away, not realizing that they essentially ensure it by saying what they think you want to hear. It’s fear that does it. It takes either some serious bravery or some serious time together (as cbelt3 and mrs cbelt3 have done). With enough time the barriers fall, and wisdom, trust and truth in and for each other can grow. Don’t totally give up, as there may be someone out there for you.

Diana

Quote
Thrift Store Scott
Quote
cbelt3
Quote
Speedy
Quote
vision63
Y'all got cool wives.

And the posters are all lying.

Naw... after all those years you learn to speak true.

I did wonder about that because the experiences expressed by the first few posters doesn't line up with my experience of relationships AT ALL. My experience, for the most part, is instance after instance of me kneeling before my partner, hands clasped in supplication, begging and pleading with tears in my eyes as big as lemons for an honest answer or honest opinion, and fully prepared to accept any truthful reply from the best possibility to the worst only for said partner to tell me what they thought I wanted to hear... not what I actually wanted to hear, mind you, which was simply the truth, but what they thought I wanted to hear which was usually anything but the truth and almost inevitably led to a conversation through gritted teeth later which included the sentence "If you didn't want to do that/go there/etc. in the first place then why didn't you just say so when I asked you about it beforehand?!?". After multiple instances of this same scenario playing out I came to the conclusion that I am attracted at the molecular level to pathologically dishonest individuals for whom the utterance of actual truth is physically painful and thus I gave up on dating entirely.
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: Janit
Date: November 23, 2020 08:06PM
Quote
Diana
Scott,

Often they tell you what they think you want to hear because they think that if they gave you their honest opinion that you would turn away, not realizing that they essentially ensure it by saying what they think you want to hear. It’s fear that does it. It takes either some serious bravery or some serious time together (as cbelt3 and mrs cbelt3 have done). With enough time the barriers fall, and wisdom, trust and truth in and for each other can grow. Don’t totally give up, as there may be someone out there for you.

Diana

A lot of women are raised to think this way, either explicitly or implicitly, and it can be hard for them to cast it off. Fear does things to people.
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: testcase
Date: November 23, 2020 09:40PM
Men would be FAR more understanding, appreciative and caring if their pipes were cleaned more often.


I'm just sayin' .............. eye rolling smiley
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: Diana
Date: November 24, 2020 01:49AM
Is this an acknowledgment that the little head rules ones life?

Hypothetically, of course. RollingEyesSmiley5

Quote
testcase
Men would be FAR more understanding, appreciative and caring if their pipes were cleaned more often.


I'm just sayin' .............. eye rolling smiley
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: rjmacs
Date: November 24, 2020 09:55AM
.



rj
AKA
Vreemac, Moth of the Future




Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/24/2020 09:55AM by rjmacs.
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Re: 38 years of marriage and communication just hit a high note !
Posted by: deckeda
Date: November 24, 2020 12:24PM
Quote
Diana
Is this an acknowledgment that the little head rules ones life?

Hypothetically, of course. RollingEyesSmiley5

Quote
testcase
Men would be FAR more understanding, appreciative and caring if their pipes were cleaned more often.


I'm just sayin' .............. eye rolling smiley

It does, insofar as I’ve heard the exact same thing attributed women. So I guess it must be true!
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