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My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed
Posted by: pRICE cUBE
Date: January 12, 2021 08:42AM
I came across this while looking for Star Trek related material. I didn't know he was going through all this. Hope he can accomplish the work on getting to a better place in his life.

[wilwheaton.net]


Yesterday, I marked the fifth anniversary of my decision to quit drinking alcohol. It was the most consequential choice I have ever made in my life, and I am able to stand before you today only because I made it.

I was slowly and steadily killing myself with booze. I was getting drunk every night, because I couldn’t face the incredible pain and PTSD I had from my childhood, at the hands of my abusive father and manipulative mother.

It was unsustainable, and I knew it was unsustainable, but when you’re an addict, knowing something is unhealthy and choosing to do something about it are two very different things.

On January 8, 2016, I was out in the game room, watching TV and getting drunk as usual. I was trying to numb and soothe the pain I felt, while also deliberately hurting myself because at a fundamental level, I believed the lies the man who was my father told me about myself: I was worthless. I was unworthy of love. I was stupid. The things I loved and cared about were stupid. It did not matter if I lived or died. Nobody cared about me, anyway.

I knocked a bottle into the trash, realized I had to pee, and — so I wouldn’t disturb Anne — did not go into the bathroom, but instead walked out into the middle of my backyard and peed on the grass. I turned around, and there was Anne. I will never forget the look on her face, this mixture of sadness and real fear.

I take responsibility for my choices. I made the choice to become a drunk. I own that.

But I know that, had the man who was my father loved me the way he loves my siblings, had my mother just once put my needs ahead of her own, the overwhelming pain and the black hole where paternal love should be would not have existed in my life.

I made a choice to fill that black hole with booze and self-destructive behavior. That sort of put a weak bandage over the psychic wound, but it never lasted more than a few hours or days before I was right back to believing all the lies that man planted in my head about myself, and feeling like I deserved all of it. If he wasn’t right, I thought, why didn’t my mother ever stand up for me? If he wasn’t right, how come nothing I ever did was good enough for him? I must be as worthless and contemptible as he made me believe I was. Anyone who says otherwise is just being fooled by me. I don’t really deserve any happiness, because I haven’t earned it. Anne’s just settling. She probably feels sorry for me.
All of that was just so much. It was so hard. It hurt, all the time. Because my mother made my success as an actor the most important thing in her life, I grew up believing that being the most successful actor in the world was the only way she’d be happy. And if that would make her happy, maybe it would prove to the man who was my father that I was worthy of his love. When I didn’t book jobs, I took it SO PERSONALLY. Didn’t those casting people know how important this was? This wasn’t just an acting role. This was the only chance I have to make my parents love me!




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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2021 08:43AM by pRICE cUBE.
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Re: My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed
Posted by: Acer
Date: January 12, 2021 08:46AM
Powerful.

Providing a secure, loving home for kids is so important. Without it, there is a tremendous deficit children must overcome before they can catch up to what is "normal."
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Re: My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed
Posted by: anonymouse1
Date: January 12, 2021 10:40AM
Amazing, vulnerable. Thanks for giving us the link.
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Re: My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed
Posted by: rgG
Date: January 12, 2021 10:46AM
That is truly a sad story. I am glad he is hopefully on a better path now.





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed
Posted by: Ammo
Date: January 12, 2021 12:12PM
Quote
Acer
Powerful.

Providing a secure, loving home for kids is so important. Without it, there is a tremendous deficit children must overcome before they can catch up to what is "normal."

This. Abuse arrests the normal developmental stages a child processes through as he or she grows. The trauma they suffer doesn’t go away by itself and many abuse survivors suffer psychological effects for the rest of their lives. That’s why adults need to always be aware of the potential for abuse and be ready to actively protect children from predators.



Where is there dignity unless there is also honesty? - Cicero

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. —Wendy Mass



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2021 12:15PM by Ammo.
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Re: My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed
Posted by: RAMd®d
Date: January 12, 2021 12:20PM
Besides an abusive childhood at the hands of abusive parents, I wonder if the stupid backlash against his Wesley Crusher character on TNG.

I'm sure it added to it, I'm just wondering by how much.

I'm also glad I knew nothing of this until now.

There's no date on the post, but basically this is news to me because of his post and the posted link, and not some scandal rag tabloid or online web log (other than his own, natch).

I hope he can manage a sustainable, better life as not everybody pulls it off.

Best of luck to Will.




When a good man is hurt,
all who would be called good
must suffer with him.

Everybody matters or nobody matters.

You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead.

There is no safety for honest men except
by believing all possible evil of evil men.

We don’t do focus groups. They just ensure that you don’t offend anyone, and produce bland inoffensive products. —Sir Jonathan Ive

-An armed society is a polite society.
And hope is a lousy defense.

You make me pull, I'll put you down.

Mister, that's a ten-gallon hat on a twenty-gallon head.

I *love* SIGs. It's Glocks I hate.
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Re: My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed
Posted by: fauch
Date: January 12, 2021 02:24PM
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Re: My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed
Posted by: RgrF
Date: January 13, 2021 02:23AM
More third wold problems.
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