AAPL stock: Click Here |
|
| Tips and Deals ---- For Sale & Free Items ---- 'Friendly' Political Ranting |
You are currently viewing the Tips and Deals forum
|
humor not for the very religious - perhaps Date: April 25, 2022 08:19PM |
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
!#$@@$#!
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
!#$@@$#!
|
Re: humor not for the very religious - perhaps Date: April 25, 2022 08:30PM |
********************************************
“A sword never kills anybody; it is a tool in the killer's hand.” Seneca the Younger
The police have no duty to respond. See Castle Rock v. Gonzales, 545 U.S. 748 (2005) or Warren v. District of Columbia[1] (444 A.2d. 1, D.C. Ct. of Ap. 1981)
Judge Lee wrote that “we cannot jettison our constitutional rights, even if the goal behind a law is laudable." 9th Circuit Court of Appeals
[www.youtube.com]
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/25/2022 08:31PM by Racer X.
|
Re: humor not for the very religious - perhaps Date: April 25, 2022 08:32PM |
Would have made a great Friday Funnies lead off, great fun. 
|
Re: humor not for the very religious - perhaps Date: April 25, 2022 08:49PM |
|
Re: humor not for the very religious - perhaps Date: April 25, 2022 09:26PM |
one of the best EVER!
Christmastime for the Jews SNL 2005
Youtube:::> [www.youtube.com]
[snltranscripts.jt.org]
They can finally see King Kong without waiting in line
They can eat in Chinatown and drink their sweet-ass wine
They can crank Barbara Streisand on the streets they cruise
Christmastime for the Jews.”
(their cars bounce up and down)
“They can gang up on the Quakers,
Play for the Lakers,
They can do what they wanna,
Even blow off Madonna
Get a chance to drive a tractor,
Win on Fear Factor,
See Fiddler on the Roof with actual Jewish actors …
Now they really get the party going after dark
Circumcising grateful squirrels in the city park
Picking fights in the bar knowing they can’t lose
Christmastime for the Jews.”
Christmastime for the Jews SNL 2005
Youtube:::> [www.youtube.com]
[snltranscripts.jt.org]
They can finally see King Kong without waiting in line
They can eat in Chinatown and drink their sweet-ass wine
They can crank Barbara Streisand on the streets they cruise
Christmastime for the Jews.”
(their cars bounce up and down)
“They can gang up on the Quakers,
Play for the Lakers,
They can do what they wanna,
Even blow off Madonna
Get a chance to drive a tractor,
Win on Fear Factor,
See Fiddler on the Roof with actual Jewish actors …
Now they really get the party going after dark
Circumcising grateful squirrels in the city park
Picking fights in the bar knowing they can’t lose
Christmastime for the Jews.”
|
Re: humor not for the very religious - perhaps Date: April 25, 2022 10:39PM |
That IS great..........
If anyone takes offense.....
"F", 'em!
|
Re: humor not for the very religious - perhaps Date: April 26, 2022 07:56AM |
ooooo, that's not fair!
I thought it was new.
anyone heard of this band called the Beatles?
!#$@@$#!
I thought it was new.
anyone heard of this band called the Beatles?
!#$@@$#!
|
Re: humor not for the very religious - perhaps Date: April 26, 2022 10:17AM |
Quote
RgrF
Would have made a great Friday Funnies lead off, great fun.
Maybe we should post Forever Funnies...
A little break from the grief...
Disclaimer: This post is checked for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Any attempts at humor are solely the responsibility of the author and bear no claim that any and all readers will approve or appreciate said attempt at humor.
My name is DP, and I approve this message.
|
Re: humor not for the very religious - perhaps Date: April 27, 2022 04:40AM |
That was a good one!
Grateful11
Grateful11
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.