Sigh. Daughter has gotten into some pretty xtremely adult websites. I've tried changing the DNS to the "child-safe" ones, but that didn't help. My wife is suggesting hiring someone to come in and do something.

Anybody have any suggestions on what to do?

Thanks!

How draconian do you want to get? You can subscribe to a web filter service that will direct all traffic through their DNS servers and filter it based on your settings, but that's likely easily defeated by changing DNS settings. Unless you secure the user accounts to prevent access...but even that can likely be defeated.

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MacResource User Map: [www.zeemaps.com]#

I did the DNS thing, using OpenDNS filtering. It worked while the kids were young, but by the teen years the computer geek kid figured out how DNS worked, and shared the knowledge with siblings.

We had a rule of no computer use in private areas which worked better. I'm no fool so I know that is not perfect. But it seems it's the late night hours of extended free use where they are more likely to wander where they should not be.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2022 04:38PM by Acer.

DISCLAIMER -- I am not a parent -- DISCLAIMER

That being said, it occurs to me that it will be nearly impossible to prevent a 14 year old from visiting websites you don't want them to, even if it's not at your house.

So... have you (or your wife) sat her down and spoken with her about it? It's normal for kids to be curious at that age, you want her to feel comfortable coming to you or your wife if she has questions. You would rather that she have a normal, healthy approach to sexuality... trying to suppress it or pretending it won't happen isn't going to help anything IMHO.

Social, rather than computer, engineering seems to be the best route to go here.

DISCLAIMER -- I am not a parent -- DISCLAIMER

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Freya says, 'Hello from NOLA, baby!' (Laissez bon temps rouler!)

Maybe try talking about it with her.
Blocks, as you have found, will be defeated or they will just surf somewhere else.
Also, making it harder to access might make it even more attractive.
Just a thought.
I also had a daughter, so I know it is worrisome.

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Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)

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anonymouse1
Sigh. Daughter has gotten into some pretty xtremely adult websites. I've tried changing the DNS to the "child-safe" ones, but that didn't help. My wife is suggesting hiring someone to come in and do something.

Anybody have any suggestions on what to do?

Thanks!

Have you asked her why she’s looking at them? That’s where I would start but it might be an awkward or difficult conversation.

Kids are curious, that's why they look at those sites. The same way my friends and I ripped adult magazines out of the trash.

For filtering, I use the router parental controls and the Mac's controls. For the phones (android), we pay for Qustodio.

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And I recall in spring
The perfume that the air would bring
To the indolent town
Where the barkers call the moon down

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mrbigstuff
Kids are curious, that's why they look at those sites. The same way my friends and I ripped adult magazines out of the trash.

Yep. Let her check out any site, she’s 14. Hopefully she won’t ‘meet up’ with anyone, though.

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Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.

Block it at the router.
[www.digitalcitizen.life]

(Not all have parental controls.)

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We bought and used a Disney Circle for a few years. You can also install the filtering software on cell phones. The kids HATED it, so it seemed to work well.

We also did the DNS thing. Then the door came off her bedroom. Then the door came off the bathroom. Computer privileges curtailed. All of this is much harder on the parent than the child and it only slows them down. Now they get access to whatever they want thru PS4, Xbox or some app on their phone. I told my wife if we could go back in time we would have gone Amish. It’s only a half joke. I would never have allowed all of the electronics in the house had I known the result.

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Ukulele music I couldn't find anywhere else.
[colquhoun.info]

Another vote for the Disney Circle. It installs a VPN on their devices so all traffic (whether on the home network, friends network, cellular data) gets sent through the Circle for all of their registered devices. The VPN cert can be removed but it notifies the adults when it happens. Our kids have never done that though. You can get very granular with it and put time limits one types of apps or specific apps also. We have ours on a schedule also which helps. As DavidS said, our kids don't like it so I figured it was doing what it should be doing. I bought a lifetime license on a good discount which also helped.

I also agree that talking to the kids is the first line of defense. The Circle is just a tool, not the parent/responsible adult.

Good luck!

Thanks for all the good advice, folks.

We've had "the talk". Several times. No offense intended, we're not looking for parenting advice--we have multiple sources, including professional sources, for that. Again, I'm grateful, but unless you know our specific circumstances, it's unlikely that your good advice matches up with our very specific circumstances.

She is not a typical 14 year old; there are other issues here I can't go into-good-hearted, smart, and...challenges. Big challenges. So we have to rely on a technological solution.

Pretty sure she hasn't figured out DNS settings. I may have found one fix-I changed the DNS settings on our wifi router, but it gets its signal from the Verizon router, and those DNS settings hadn't been changed. I changed them, tested that out, and it seemed to work-I tried a couple of bad sites, and had no access. A kind Forum member reached out with a PM offer, which I'm going to follow up on.

Again, thanks all-I truly appreciate it. The moral support alone is huge.

Hang in there. I feel that, so long as you're handling it from the parenting perspective, you can handle it from the tech perspective too. Sounds also like a number here have had experience with handling it from both perspectives.

All hail the 'rents. Y'all have a very tough job. Apropos what this weekend is!

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Freya says, 'Hello from NOLA, baby!' (Laissez bon temps rouler!)

One more thing I did was to turn off the internet for the kids devices at 10 PM or whatever via the router. Only a very short white-list of parent devices could get past after that time. The kids hated it, but worked well and avoided the DNS spoofing loophole.

I was going to try turning off the WiFi at a certain hour but we have enough cellular devices in the house it wouldn’t have helped. My kids are older now so not a current concern.

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Ukulele music I couldn't find anywhere else.
[colquhoun.info]

Turning off the router access only works if your router is the only one in a quarter mile. Setting up a cellular jammer to block a prepaid phone might force a really stubborn kid out of the house late at night.

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In tha 360. MRF User Map

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My kids are older now so not a current concern.

30? 35? 40?

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Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.

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Acer
One more thing I did was to turn off the internet for the kids devices at 10 PM or whatever via the router. Only a very short white-list of parent devices could get past after that time. The kids hated it, but worked well and avoided the DNS spoofing loophole.

I've been trying to figure this out because one teen will stay up all night (his chromebook can't be turned off by me). But turning off a router in another location requires a hard connection, no?

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And I recall in spring
The perfume that the air would bring
To the indolent town
Where the barkers call the moon down

Quote
anonymouse1
Sigh. Daughter has gotten into some pretty xtremely adult websites. I've tried changing the DNS to the "child-safe" ones, but that didn't help. My wife is suggesting hiring someone to come in and do something.

Anybody have any suggestions on what to do?

Thanks!

Use OpenDNS: [www.opendns.com] Configure it on the router, not her computer.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/07/2022 01:30AM by Article Accelerator.

I always wondered how effective Xfinity's EXPENSIVE wifi gateway/modem works in these situations.

I have my own modem and router to avoid the rental gouge but they tease that you can EASILY control device access on that snazzy, jazzy commercial.

We've had "the talk". Several times. No offense intended, we're not looking for parenting advice


This is where providing more information on what you've already tried helps limit someone from going over ground you've already covered.

It won't guarantee someone won't try to answer a question not asked, nor answer the question asked, but it might help.


Using the router to block access seems to be the best alternative, maybe in conjunction with with the Disney Circle thing, I'm not at all familiar with it.

Maybe buy a separate router for your daughter with parental controls, and have it shut off at a given time?

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I am that Masked Man.

All you can do, is all you can do.

There’s trouble — it's time to play the sound of my people.

Your boos mean nothing to me, I've seen what you cheer for.

Insisting on your rights without acknowledging your responsibilities isn’t freedom, it’s adolescence.

I've been to the edge of the map, and there be monsters.

We are a government of laws, not men.

Everybody counts or nobody counts.

When a good man is hurt,
all who would be called good
must suffer with him.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead.

There is no safety for honest men except
by believing all possible evil of evil men.

We don’t do focus groups. They just ensure that you don’t offend anyone, and produce bland inoffensive products. —Sir Jonathan Ive

An armed society is a polite society.
And hope is a lousy defense.

You make me pull, I'll put you down.

I *love* SIGs. It's Glocks I hate.

Curious as a late poster here, was this on a phone, tablet, or computer?

Or on multiple devices?

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