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FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Paul F.
Date: January 27, 2023 01:41AM
My friend (with the hospice nurse steadying the syringe so he could drink the drug cocktail from it) pushed the plunger to swallow the drug cocktail to end his pain this evening.

It was said that this cocktail would end his life in between 15 minutes and an hour, on average.

After two hours and forty minutes, we were all relieved, and also heartbroken, when his daughter called his sister, and wanted to talk to her daddy. She got to say her goodbyes (without knowing that he'd taken the drug cocktail) while he was still with us, but not conscious... She knew her dad heard her, and we made sure she knew he loved her. She said her goodbyes. Less than ten minutes later, he passed.

His dog, Bella, was the first to know he'd stopped breathing.

We all got to say our goodbyes privately before he took the drug cocktail, and we all had some crying to do. There were about a dozen people in the house, including his sister and his father. He did not want his mother there... There's history there I won't go in to. Suffice to say everyone respected his decision to exclude her.

He's at peace.
I'm a bit of a wreck... I'm calling in to get off work tomorrow so I can help his sister start the long road to getting things in order, and selling off his estate (she is now the trustee of his living trust, but there's a lot of work to do).

Tomorrow I write his obituary.


Paul F.
-----
A sword never kills anybody; it is a tool in the killer's hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca c. 5 BC - 65 AD
----
Good is the enemy of Excellent. Talent is not necessary for Excellence.
Persistence is necessary for Excellence. And Persistence is a Decision.
--

--

--
Eureka, CA
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: January 27, 2023 03:03AM
So sorry. When kids are involved, and as a dad, I just find these stories so heartbreaking. I hope you can remember him through words and give him the memorial he deserves.


Hurts like a bastid...
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Carnos Jax
Date: January 27, 2023 03:20AM
As life goes on, I find these stories more meaningful. Wish that wasn’t always so, but at the same time, one can’t always remain a child. Find happiness Paul.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: rgG
Date: January 27, 2023 06:57AM
May he truly rest in peace. His suffering is now over.
Strength to you and his family.




Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: wurm
Date: January 27, 2023 07:00AM
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Ours are with you and your friend's family.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: davec
Date: January 27, 2023 07:42AM
For now there is grief and loss. It hurts. It sucks. Really sucks. In time, may the memories of the many wonderful times you shared bring you peace and warmth.

Our thoughts are with you.

Dave


...on the trailing edge of technology.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Janit
Date: January 27, 2023 08:50AM
May his memory be a blessing.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: mikebw
Date: January 27, 2023 09:07AM
It's so good you could be there with him. Sorry for your loss.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: anonymouse1
Date: January 27, 2023 09:31AM
My deep condolences. May good memories lift you up.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: lost in space
Date: January 27, 2023 09:45AM
It sounds like a good death, as a hospice nurse I talked with put it. Our condolences to you, and all the others who loved him.


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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: decay
Date: January 27, 2023 10:27AM
You're a great friend, thanks for sharing what must have been excruciating.


---
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: A-Polly
Date: January 27, 2023 10:49AM
What a blessing for your friend that you and some of his family were present at the end. My sympathy to all, and may he rest in peace.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: S. Pupp
Date: January 27, 2023 10:51AM
You have my sympathies during this difficult time.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Rolando
Date: January 27, 2023 11:54AM
My deepest sympathies. I lost my dad on a Sunday, but his body did not die until Tuesday. I hated seeing him suffer. I remember angrily telling my wife. "Tell the nurse to give me a 200CC of Morphine, I will do it to make it stop!"

It hurts to see the loved ones suffer, and the survivors try to go on. In these times, I can think of no better words than Ann Lamonts:

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”


San Antonio, TX (in the old city)


"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
“Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." - Eli Weisel

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." - Theodore Roosevelt (1918)

"I don’t want to see religious bigotry in any form. It would disturb me if there was a wedding between the religious fundamentalists and the political right. The hard right has no interest in religion except to manipulate it." - Billy Graham 1981

"Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise" - Barry Goldwater
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: wave rider
Date: January 27, 2023 12:03PM
So sorry for your loss…

Now that your friend is at peace, make sure you take care of yourself. Broken hearts are a real thing…


=wr=
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: rich in distress
Date: January 27, 2023 12:15PM
You’re a good friend.
My condolences.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Speedy
Date: January 27, 2023 12:40PM
My sincere condolences on your loss.


Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: N-OS X-tasy!
Date: January 27, 2023 02:59PM
I'm very sorry for your loss, Paul. You are blessed to have had a friendship that hurt so much to lose. May your friend rest in peace and may his family and friends find their own peace.


It is what it is.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Grateful11
Date: January 27, 2023 03:20PM
Very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.

I read your write up the other day. Just know that he's not in pain anymore.


Grateful11
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: D-Rod
Date: January 27, 2023 03:40PM
So very sorry. My deepest condolences.


Formerly known as Dennis R
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: rz
Date: January 27, 2023 04:35PM
I’m sorry for your loss. When it’s my time to go, I hope to go out on my terms as he did.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Todd's keyboard
Date: January 27, 2023 05:56PM
Paul, sorry for your loss.

Messages such as these remind me of Mary Catherine Bateson's article Six Days of Dying about that time with her father, Gregory Bateson.

Todd's board in a minor key
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Paul F.
Date: January 27, 2023 06:20PM
I spent the morning with his sister, writing his obituary...

Quote

Shawn Kristopher Schlegel

Shawn was released from his pain after a long fight with Cholangiocarcinoma (liver cancer) on Thursday night, Jan 26, 2023.

Shawn passed surrounded by the love and support of family and friends with special words from his beloved daughter Sierra, who meant the world to him.

Shawn was born in Eureka, Ca on April 11, 1975. After a short but honorable service as a United States Marine, Shawn followed his father’s footsteps into the trades - and thanks to his mentor Dennis Fitze, became the “jack of all trades” his family and friends knew him to be.

Shawn, ever the skeptic, was relentless in pursuit of truth and fact. He was always quick to point out when someone wasn’t being logical or rational, but he saw all perspectives, and respected everyone's feelings. Shawn was always the first one to volunteer to help a friend, and stubbornly the last one to ask his friends for help.

The brightest light, and greatest love of Shawn’s life, his daughter Sierra Schlegel, came into the world in 2010. Shawn and Sierra were inseparable as they cared for each other, went on long walks on “stinky beach”, rode bikes, camped, and hiked in the Sierra’s.

Shawn was preceded in death by his grandparents Gertrude & George E. ll Schlegel, Jeannie & Sherman Newstrom, multiple aunts and uncles, and his dog, Sassy.

Shawn is survived by his daughter Sierra Schlegel, dog Bella, father George Schlegel, sister Sherri Schlegel, nephews Justin and Cody Gerfen, uncle Sherman Newstrom, and countless cousins and friends.

The family asks that anyone wishing to express their love for Shawn donate to the Cholangiocarcinoma foundation at Cholangiocarcinoma.org.


Paul F.
-----
A sword never kills anybody; it is a tool in the killer's hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca c. 5 BC - 65 AD
----
Good is the enemy of Excellent. Talent is not necessary for Excellence.
Persistence is necessary for Excellence. And Persistence is a Decision.
--

--

--
Eureka, CA
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: bfd
Date: January 27, 2023 08:02PM
Hard to lose a good friend, even harder to live through what had obviously become his day-to-day life. Very sorry for you and his family's loss. Hopefully, memories of your good times with him will help you with that loss.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: JoeM
Date: January 27, 2023 08:16PM
Im so sorry for the loss of your friend. My condolences.


JoeM
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Michael
Date: January 28, 2023 08:48AM
Golly, he was young. I'm so sorry for your and the family's loss. I know not everybody agrees, but I'm glad he was in a state that allowed him to make his own choice and follow through with it with a medical professional assisting.
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Re: FU: My friend has passed... on his own terms, but, fought to the end.
Posted by: Paul F.
Date: January 28, 2023 01:29PM
Quote
Michael
Golly, he was young. I'm so sorry for your and the family's loss. I know not everybody agrees, but I'm glad he was in a state that allowed him to make his own choice and follow through with it with a medical professional assisting.

A few years younger than me... TOO young (but, aren't we all?).
I used to be against that choice... but the older I've gotten, the more in favor of it I became. I completely, utterly, supported Shawn's choice, as hard as it was to be there.


Paul F.
-----
A sword never kills anybody; it is a tool in the killer's hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca c. 5 BC - 65 AD
----
Good is the enemy of Excellent. Talent is not necessary for Excellence.
Persistence is necessary for Excellence. And Persistence is a Decision.
--

--

--
Eureka, CA
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