There are two colleagues of mine and a distant relative who grew up with dogs and owned a few until they are married to women who have fears of the animals. They want to know how to help their women to conquer their fear. I have no idea! Any helpful suggestions I could pass onto those men? TiA

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SoCal for now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2009 06:57PM by kap.

You are kidding about do it yourself methods for conquering the fears of three very different women, aren't you? Fear of things like dogs can be very deep rooted and overcoming them can require careful handling by a professional. Plus, sometimes people say they "fear" something when the truth is they just don't happen to have ever had the opportunity to become comfortable around whatever it is. This doesn't sound like a do it yourself project to me, especially not from a third party. Too many unknowns!

You are absolutely correct about the women being different. At the very least their cultural backgrounds. One is from India. Another from Cambodia. And the other is from Mexico. In those countries dogs and cats aren't as pampered if even that.

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SoCal for now.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2009 07:16PM by kap.

Tell them that at least they're not chimpanzees..

My mother had always been terrified of dogs so I never had one while I was growing up. When I went to college, I got a poodle but was really nervous about bringing her home at Christmas. She was so tiny and so cute and my mother fell in love with her at first sight. There's something entirely different about a tiny puppy vs. a big, mean dog. Perhaps if these women got puppies and watched them grow up, their fear would not be as great. That's what happened with my mother and she grew to love all dogs because of her good experiences with my first poodle. Remember, it's damn near impossible not to love a puppy!

I'm not even sure that these women are truly afraid of dogs, so that has to be sorted out first. If they're really fearful, stay way far away so you don't risk making their fear even worse! If it isn't real fear, but more cultural, sometimes just being given the chance to watch other people interact with well behaved, calm animals can start the process of teaching the women that dogs can be fun and great companions. The last thing that anybody should do is try to force them into interacting with dogs if they don't want to.

At the risk of sounding cold hearted, if these three guys really love dogs and want to have one or more as pets, they should have figured that out before their name was on the dotted line of the marriage certificate. The exception would be if one or more of these women expressed a real desire to spend a portion of their marriage getting used to dogs!

I like to be helpful, but sometimes it's just better to let other people take care of their own problems, especially if you're not sure about the real source or severity.

Edit: I just read Linda's post, and I can see how her experience worked out well for everybody. I would like to add that getting any of these women their own puppy would NOT be a good way to cure them!!! And I'd start to fear for the puppy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2009 07:43PM by AlphaDog.

Listen to AD, this is not something you want to tamper with.
First thing you actually have to know the psychological behavior of dogs, you're not even close Kap, you'll just make it worse.

BGnR

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"Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto! You're beautiful!"
"If we dig precious things from the land, we will invite disaster."
"Near the day of Purification, there will be cobwebs spun back and forth in the sky."
"A container of ashes might one day be thrown from the sky, which could burn the land and boil the oceans."

Do these women even want to get over their fears or is this something instigated by the significant others in their lives?

My friend's mom was so scared of dogs she couldn't come to my friend's house, even when the dogs were secured in another room. Once my friend had a baby, her mom decided (for HERSELF) it was time to overcome this fear so she found a good therapist who did some fairly routine desensitization training which worked very well. It took about a year, but the results were excellent.

DM

My own brother got bitten by one of our grandmother's small dogs when he was about 9-10 years old. He feels intimidated around big dogs; not fearing them, however.

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SoCal for now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2009 07:48PM by kap.

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kap
My own brother got bitten by one of our grandmother's small dogs but he feels intimidated around big dogs; not fearing them, however.

And we don't know how different that is from what these women feel, because there just isn't enough information about any one of them, let alone all three! I got bitten by a small dog when I was a kid, too. Repeatedly. It was an ornery Chihuahua, and that might be why I stick to big dogs. I certainly don't fear Chihuahuas, although I have a deep respect for their razor sharp little teeth. That thing always tried to trip me, too. I don't think he liked anybody but my aunt.

I am not in the position to help the men or their wives to overcome the fear. It is not my intention. These men think they can change their women's mindsets by adopting small even temper puppies. I am not certain that is a good things for the puppies. That is my concern.

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SoCal for now.

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kap
I am not in the position to help the men or their wives to overcome the fear. It is not my intention. These men think they can change their women's mindsets by adopting small even temper puppies. I am not certain that is a good things for the puppies. That is my concern.

Clean up your house first before worrying about other folks messes.

BGnR

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"Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto! You're beautiful!"
"If we dig precious things from the land, we will invite disaster."
"Near the day of Purification, there will be cobwebs spun back and forth in the sky."
"A container of ashes might one day be thrown from the sky, which could burn the land and boil the oceans."

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kap
I am not in the position to help the men or their wives to overcome the fear. It is not my intention. These men think they can change their women's mindsets by adopting small even temper puppies. I am not certain that is a good things for the puppies. That is my concern.

In that case, you need to work on your male friends!! I'm serious. Point out to them how unfair that could turn out to be for all concerned - terror for the puppies, terror for the women, and big time marital problems!

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AlphaDog

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kap
I am not in the position to help the men or their wives to overcome the fear. It is not my intention. These men think they can change their women's mindsets by adopting small even temper puppies. I am not certain that is a good things for the puppies. That is my concern.

In that case, you need to work on your male friends!! I'm serious. Point out to them how unfair that could turn out to be for all concerned - terror for the puppies, terror for the women, and big time marital problems!

I will try to talk to the guys to rethink their thoughts; I am powerless if they go ahead with their plans to adopt puppies.

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SoCal for now.

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kap
I will try to talk to the guys to rethink their thoughts; I am powerless if they go ahead with their plans to adopt puppies.

You're right, you are powerless, but at least you'll know you tried, which is better than going along with their very impractical and perhaps dangerous plan. We do what we can, including not giving our fellow forum members the answer to the question they asked sometimes.

Bringing puppies into the lives of women who have no empathy for animals and little time to learn it is not the answer.

The answer lies in aversion therapy.

After the divorces, whenever one of those guys thinks about marrying another woman who doesn't like dogs you should slap him. Hard.

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Doc
The answer lies in aversion therapy.

Boy, could I ever think of some places to go with that comment!