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Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Dennis S
Date: February 19, 2021 02:04PM
[mobile.twitter.com]

Here it is summarized:
-----------
so my eldest brother, who is a moron, has been playing soldier with his moron friends in the deserts of texas for the last year preparing for the collapse of civilization if biden won (lol). they were burying food and ammo stashes out in the desert, running drills, crazy stuff

this included getting a cb license so he could be their lifeline to other groups of white idiots when the cell towers all went offline. wouldn't want to violate federal law while communicating with your resistance groups after the fall of the federal government i guess.

anyways, you would assume given that they've been prepping for the end of the world for at least a year they're well situated to ride out the rolling blackouts right?

wellll

their plan for cooking and heating during an extended power outage was natural gas, but like a lot of homes their gas service is out. the food in their freezer and fridge is already toast due to the power outrages, so they're down to canned stuff, but there's a catch.

they can get into the pull top cans just fine, but the ones that require an opener? their only can opener is electric. so a good 3/4 of his canned food store is inaccessible to him unless he goes after it with a knife, which i sincerely hope he does.

so captain survival was eating unheated ravioli out of a can yesterday because i guess he doesn't know how to start a fire? they have a fire pit but it too is gas fired.

he told my mom they're probably going to break into the survival buckets soon. i'm sure that's great food.

he told my mom that the blackout is due to texas switching everything to "wind power" but that he didn't discount that the government was doing this on purpose. if you can figure out why they'd arbitrarily freeze out a giant state hey points to you.

the saving grace in all this is he's having to ration his phone usage so he can't sit on the phone with my mom for hours crying about it. he's forced to sit there and talk to his wife, who is almost as dumb as he is.

presumably he's sitting there shivering, ranting about libs while he sucks down cold beefaroni. what a life.

he's tried contacting his best friend in his little larping group, but he's gone to ground. i sincerely hope that means he thinks this is the start of the great purge or whatever and he's disappeared to the mountains to evade fema and child support bailiffs

i'm trying to get more details from my mom but i have to play it cool. if i laugh she'll stop telling me about it, so i have to pretend this is very serious and i'm concerned for his safety while i'm imagining him hitting a can of baked beans with a screwdriver repeatedly

on the plus side they've got plenty of guns and ammo, so they can shoot the @#$%& out of the snow.

locking two people with marital strife in a house with no supplies, no access to power, but plenty of access to guns and ammo seems like a great idea. i think this should work out great.

just to give you all some additional comfort: his wife is part of the group who helps select the textbooks texas buys every year, just in case you're wondering about the kind of people that make those decisions.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2021 02:24PM by Dennis S.
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: rgG
Date: February 19, 2021 02:11PM
Oh wow.
Guess he has never heard of or thought about getting a manual can opener. RollingEyesSmiley5





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: mrbigstuff
Date: February 19, 2021 02:24PM
That is a great laugh. Thanks for posting
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: btfc
Date: February 19, 2021 02:24PM
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Rick-o
Date: February 19, 2021 02:29PM
Quote
btfc

Heh! I have that exact same knife!

Funny story too! Made my day. thumbs up



Mr. Lahey: A lot of people, don’t know how to drink. They drink against the grain of the liquor. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor? You lose.

Randy: What the @#$%& are you talking about?
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: hal
Date: February 19, 2021 02:31PM
swiss army knives are not the choice made by preppers. They prefer DEADLY knives over practical knives.

(I NEVER knew that notch was a wire stripper)
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Filliam H. Muffman
Date: February 19, 2021 02:39PM
Just pour the gunpowder into the feed hopper of that wind-up pellet stove. Don't forget to clean it out after the equivalent of 1000 rounds.



In tha 360. MRF User Map
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: p8712
Date: February 19, 2021 02:45PM
So, society as we know it will collapse, but they were still be plenty of natural gas produced?
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: wave rider
Date: February 19, 2021 02:58PM
Thanks for the story, it is full of chuckles.



Surprised the preppers didn’t have a P-38 or two. I’ve had a couple on my keychain since 1960.



=wr=
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Steve G.
Date: February 19, 2021 03:35PM
story sounds fishy
a real prepper would just shoot a neighbor who has a can opener.
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Steve G.
Date: February 19, 2021 04:13PM
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Lux Interior
Date: February 19, 2021 04:17PM
Electric can opener? FFS.

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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: $tevie
Date: February 19, 2021 04:47PM
Quote
Steve G.
Good one!



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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: hal
Date: February 19, 2021 05:43PM
those are both really great - I've never seen that Far Side and I'm particularly fond of the 'Harold' ones...
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: SDGuy
Date: February 19, 2021 06:12PM
Quote
Dennis S
...their only can opener is electric...

facepalm
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: davester
Date: February 19, 2021 06:17PM
I've always thought of electric can openers as one of those appliances that solve a non-existent need with excessive complication.



"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion." (1987) -- Carl Sagan
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Robert M
Date: February 19, 2021 06:31PM
Davester,

Tell that to anyone who has a disability that makes using a manual can opener of any kind problematic or impossible.

Robert
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Lux Interior
Date: February 19, 2021 07:20PM
Quote
Robert M
Davester,

Tell that to anyone who has a disability that makes using a manual can opener of any kind problematic or impossible.

Robert

A relevant comment, but only to the [insert made up, but very small percent] of electric can opener owners with related disabilities.
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: PeterB
Date: February 19, 2021 07:31PM
Quote
Robert M
Davester,

Tell that to anyone who has a disability that makes using a manual can opener of any kind problematic or impossible.

Robert

Exactly. That's part of why I like the one I posted about in the recent "recommend me a can opener" thread... the one I mentioned is battery-operated and is easily used by someone with arthritis or difficulty with their hands. You basically sit the thing on top, it marches around and around until the can is opened.




Freya says, 'Hello from NOLA, baby!' (Laissez bon temps rouler!)
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Buzz
Date: February 19, 2021 07:55PM
Quote
Lux Interior
Quote
Robert M
Davester,

Tell that to anyone who has a disability that makes using a manual can opener of any kind problematic or impossible.

Robert

A relevant comment, but only to the [[b]insert made up, but very small percent*[/b]] of electric can opener owners with related disabilities.

To those of us w/ disabilities, it's 100%. OTOH, spousal unit got rid of our electric can opener several years ago, so she has been tasked w/ all can opening duties ever since. Without a helper to open cans, Taco Bell is just a few blocks away, or there's always frozen burritos on hand; since we don't live in Texas.
==
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: hal
Date: February 19, 2021 08:07PM
Me and my buddies once spent 1/2 hour laughing at another friend as he tried to use a basic can opener to open a can. He could not do it. He had no disabilities other than never using anything other an electric opener his whole life.
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Dennis S
Date: February 19, 2021 08:26PM
There was a guy in college who didn't know how to use a can opener. Once he got it open, he didn't know how to cook Campbell's soup.
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: hal
Date: February 19, 2021 08:34PM
Quote
Dennis S
There was a guy in college who didn't know how to use a can opener. Once he got it open, he didn't know how to cook Campbell's soup.

did he try reading the directions?
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: RgrF
Date: February 19, 2021 08:43PM
Quote
hal
Quote
Dennis S
There was a guy in college who didn't know how to use a can opener. Once he got it open, he didn't know how to cook Campbell's soup.

did he try reading the directions?

How'd he get into college?
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: davester
Date: February 19, 2021 08:46PM
Quote
Robert M
Davester,

Tell that to anyone who has a disability that makes using a manual can opener of any kind problematic or impossible.

Robert

Sorry, didn't mean to diss anyone who had a real need for an electrical one. It's just that I had never seen such a thing before moving here from England, and it just seemed at the time to be a wildly excessively complicated device to conduct a task that is incredibly simple for most of the populace, especially as 100% of the ones I saw in people's houses were not used by people who would be physically unable to use a regular can opener.



"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion." (1987) -- Carl Sagan
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: DeusxMac
Date: February 19, 2021 09:20PM
Quote
Dennis S
There was a guy in college who didn't know how to use a can opener. Once he got it open, he didn't know how to cook Campbell's soup.

Mom did all that for him.
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: JoeH
Date: February 19, 2021 09:43PM
Quote
hal
Quote
Dennis S
There was a guy in college who didn't know how to use a can opener. Once he got it open, he didn't know how to cook Campbell's soup.

did he try reading the directions?

Directions presuppose some basic knowledge about cooking food. I have run into all too many college age students who haven't been exposed to even that little bit of instruction in cooking.

P.S. Not just a guy thing either.
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: $tevie
Date: February 19, 2021 10:36PM
But without electric can openers, how would our pets know it's dinner time?



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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: JoeH
Date: February 19, 2021 11:50PM
Quote
$tevie
But without electric can openers, how would our pets know it's dinner time?

My cat is pretty good about hearing the rustle of the bag of cat food, not an electric can opener around at all. Comes down and looks at me expectantly, sometimes lets me know I'm not fixing his bowl fast enough.
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: hal
Date: February 19, 2021 11:57PM
Quote
$tevie
But without electric can openers, how would our pets know it's dinner time?

Back before pull top cat food cans, I remember cats would come running ANY time the manual can opener was being used.
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: Janit
Date: February 20, 2021 12:52PM
Quote
$tevie
But without electric can openers, how would our pets know it's dinner time?

That special sound of footsteps on the linoleum kitchen floor?
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Re: Funny account of Texas prepper reduced to eating cold beefaroni from a can
Posted by: rgG
Date: February 20, 2021 02:02PM
Quote
Janit
Quote
$tevie
But without electric can openers, how would our pets know it's dinner time?

That special sound of footsteps on the linoleum kitchen floor?

Our mostly deaf cat has the world's best internal clock. He will wake from what appears to be a deep sleep almost exactly at feeding time, unless of course he is already up and tries to get us to feed him early. Lol





Roswell, GA (Atlanta suburb)
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