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RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: p8712
Date: June 05, 2021 04:22PM
Good.

Quote

The ban was sparked, in part, by a New Jersey-based advocacy group calling itself "Unchained At Last" — and the horror stories of forced marriages that Rhode Island lawmakers heard from women in other states as far away as California. The arguments struck a chord among child advocates in Rhode Island.

"My father introduced me to my husband-to-be one morning, and I was told I would marry him that night. That man was thirteen years my senior, 28 years old ... I was taken out of the country, raped daily and impregnated almost immediately," Sara Tasneem of El Sobrante, California, wrote R.I lawmakers.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: space-time
Date: June 05, 2021 04:26PM
"My father introduced me to my husband-to-be one morning, and I was told I would marry him that night.

What kind of parent does that and how can they get away with it?
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: p8712
Date: June 05, 2021 04:29PM
Quote
space-time
"My father introduced me to my husband-to-be one morning, and I was told I would marry him that night.

What kind of parent does that and how can they get away with it?

More common than you think.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: pdq
Date: June 05, 2021 04:33PM
It absolutely happens. I took a little one-night community course on Indian cooking (we made dal and biryani) and the woman leading the group said that she and her husband were “introduced” to each other by their respective parents, and that they (or she) were given 30 minutes to decide whether they/she would marry this guy.

She said she found out they both liked music (!), so she said yes. We didn’t delve into further details.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: RAMd®d
Date: June 05, 2021 07:52PM
I knew two Indian women, one of whom met her husband to be 15min before they were married.

The other had a day's notice.

Neither one of them had a choice.

I knew a third woman who told her mother she wanted to get married.

She was 24 and fast reaching her Best Married By date of 26, as far as traditional Indian men were concerned.

She was serious that at 26, she'd have no chance of getting married.

Mom put the word out back home, the family went to India, and she was married a very few weeks later to a guy she just met.

I asked what he's like and she said 'He seems nice...'.

But all of the above were adults at the time they were married.

People talk about how successful arranged marriages are, but seldom consider that in those situations/cultures, divorce is very seldom an option.

The idea of a US state, in this proverbial day and age, allowing children to be married is disgusting.





Your boos mean nothing to me, I've seen what you cheer for.

Insisting on your rights without acknowledging your responsibilities isn’t freedom, it’s adolescence.

We are a government of laws, not men.

Everybody matters or nobody matters.

When a good man is hurt,
all who would be called good
must suffer with him.

You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead.

There is no safety for honest men except
by believing all possible evil of evil men.

We don’t do focus groups. They just ensure that you don’t offend anyone, and produce bland inoffensive products. —Sir Jonathan Ive

An armed society is a polite society.
And hope is a lousy defense.

You make me pull, I'll put you down.

I *love* SIGs. It's Glocks I hate.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: Ted King
Date: June 05, 2021 08:19PM
What about two sixteen year olds who have genuine love for each other and do what they are biologically predisposed to do, thereby creating a pregnancy?



e pluribus unum
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: Speedy
Date: June 05, 2021 09:31PM
Quote
Ted King
What about two sixteen year olds who have genuine love for each other and do what they are biologically predisposed to do, thereby creating a pregnancy?

Doesn’t matter.



Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: p8712
Date: June 05, 2021 09:43PM
Quote
Ted King
What about two sixteen year olds who have genuine love for each other and do what they are biologically predisposed to do, thereby creating a pregnancy?

State sponsored abortion and lobotomies
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: Rolando
Date: June 05, 2021 11:04PM
OTOH...

Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?
The upsides of relinquishing choice, deciding quickly, & lowering expectations.
[www.psychologytoday.com]


Marriage, then love — Why arranged marriages still work today
[globalnews.ca]

This really puts into question the actual goal of marriage!



San Antonio, TX (in the old city)


"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
“Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." - Eli Weisel

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." - Theodore Roosevelt (1918)

"I don’t want to see religious bigotry in any form. It would disturb me if there was a wedding between the religious fundamentalists and the political right. The hard right has no interest in religion except to manipulate it." - Billy Graham 1981

"Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise" - Barry Goldwater
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: Speedy
Date: June 05, 2021 11:49PM
Quote
Rolando
OTOH...

Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?
The upsides of relinquishing choice, deciding quickly, & lowering expectations.
[www.psychologytoday.com]


Marriage, then love — Why arranged marriages still work today
[globalnews.ca]

This really puts into question the actual goal of marriage!

Our neighbors have been married over 50 years in an arranged marriage. They first met the day of their wedding.



Saint Cloud, Minnesota, where the weather is wonderful even when it isn't.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: Acer
Date: June 06, 2021 12:09AM
An arranged marriage can be good. It's different perhaps from the romantic ideal popular in the West for the last century or so. Romantic marriages fail at the rate of 42% so that's not the greatest endorsement.

The families making the arrangements should have the best interests of both parties in mind. I submit that selling, er, sorry, marrying your 13 year old daughter to some adult slimeball is not in both parties' best interests.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: Carnos Jax
Date: June 06, 2021 12:40AM
Quote
Acer
Romantic marriages fail at the rate of 42% so that's not the greatest endorsement.

Not trying to make an argument for or against, but FWIW arranged marriages between partners who both grow up in the United States (and are culturally for the most part American) seem to fail at a similar rate from my observation.

My own opinion is not favorable towards arranged marriages in the above scenario or even in general (though that may be biased by my cultural upbringing in the west). But it does bother me as well how people seemingly casually (or at least lacking due diligence) get married in the U.S., too often leading to the inevitable conclusion.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: Ammo
Date: June 06, 2021 12:37PM
It seems like the chances for a successful marriage would probably have more to do with the maturity of the 2 individuals involved than anything else, regardless if it’s an arranged or romantic one. But who knows for sure?



Where is there dignity unless there is also honesty? - Cicero

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. —Wendy Mass
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: DeusxMac
Date: June 06, 2021 12:46PM
…and dictators can be benign. RollingEyesSmiley5
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: vision63
Date: June 06, 2021 12:55PM
Here's my figures.

Marriages that I've witnessed, that were performed in Vegas or at a County office, those couples are still together. The full-blown marriage ceremonies performed in churches or exotic locations, most of those couples aren't together anymore.

It doesn't get any more scientific than that.

Oh, my mother was 17 when she got married (and gave birth to my brother).
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: sekker
Date: June 06, 2021 06:35PM
18 is still very young to marry in the 21st Century.

Glad RI is closing this law.

As for arranged marriages, I know many that are happy from that cultural tradition in India. And I’ve seen some that were odd. And some? Well, I don’t have the words.

I am concerned that arranged marriages are nearly always asymmetrical, with the woman giving up far more than the man.

I’ll let the rest speak for itself.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: RAMd®d
Date: June 06, 2021 09:08PM
I saw a video tape of an Indian wedding with 600+ guests.

The bride told me that was not big for an Indian wedding!

I noticed that nearly every man was dressed in slacks and sweaters (even in the sweltering heat that day) but every woman was dressing in traditional Indian clothing, saris, I believe.

What I didn't ask is if the women were dressed for the wedding, or if that was a fancier version of daily were.





Your boos mean nothing to me, I've seen what you cheer for.

Insisting on your rights without acknowledging your responsibilities isn’t freedom, it’s adolescence.

We are a government of laws, not men.

Everybody matters or nobody matters.

When a good man is hurt,
all who would be called good
must suffer with him.

You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead.

There is no safety for honest men except
by believing all possible evil of evil men.

We don’t do focus groups. They just ensure that you don’t offend anyone, and produce bland inoffensive products. —Sir Jonathan Ive

An armed society is a polite society.
And hope is a lousy defense.

You make me pull, I'll put you down.

I *love* SIGs. It's Glocks I hate.
Options:  Reply • Quote
Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: Carnos Jax
Date: June 06, 2021 10:47PM
Quote
RAMd®d
I saw a video tape of an Indian wedding with 600+ guests.

The bride told me that was not big for an Indian wedding!

That is approaching the upper end of average. It is routine to spend $50,000 or more on a wedding.
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Re: RI governor poised to sign ban on marriage under age 18
Posted by: pdq
Date: June 07, 2021 09:38AM
It seems to be a strong cultural norm, part of which (at least in my experience) is getting married in India. My daughter's (American-)Indian friend married another (American-)Indian guy here (don't know if it was arranged in any way) but then they went to India and had another 3-day wedding there.

Obviously these are people of some means, but it's not the first time I've heard of this.
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